Gene Chizik Ready to Turn Auburn Tigers Around  by Mark Schlabach

Okay...mmmpphhhh...I can do this...snort...I can type this with a straight face and not laugh.  If I can drive home...chortle...after chugging a fifth of Jack...snicker...this will be easy.

*deep breath*  Okay, here goes...

The Tigers went 5-7 in 2008...[Chizik] was 5-19 in two seasons at Iowa State

I don't think that's the kind of turn-around Auburn is looking for but hey, in this age of openness and acceptance, who am I to judge?  Viva la difference!!  Case in point...

"I think when Jay was trying to find a guy for this job, he was looking at the big picture," Chizik said. "The advantage for me was that I knew Jay. He knew what kind of person I was then and what kind of person I am now. From the outside, you see a guy who won five games at Iowa State. But Jay was on the inside. He knew me from my time here and knew what kind of person I am, what kind of coach I am and what kind of recruiter I am. I didn't have to sell him anything because he already knew it." (emphasis added)

Umm...well...er...that is...wow.  Don't know that I would openly admit to someone that my AD "knows me from the inside."  It just...you know...oh God...  What's next?

Chizik believes he also was close to turning around Iowa State. He inherited a Cyclones team that went 4-8 in 2006, after going 7-5 in consecutive seasons under coach Dan McCarney in 2004 and '05. Iowa State went 3-9 in Chizik's first season in 2007. Last year, the Cyclones opened the season with victories over Football Championship Subdivision opponent South Dakota State and Kent State, but then lost their last 10 games to finish 2-10.

"I have no question in my mind that we were definitely on the right track," Chizik said.

Maybe Schlabach contractually obligated to call it the "Football Championship Subdivision" but we all know it as D-IAA...the "not quite ready for Saturday" league.  Still, how do you tout going 2-0 against inferior teams only to gloss over losing the next 10 straight?  Perhaps Mark is fearful of his job?  What's even better is that 2-10 is "on the right track."  BWAHAHAHAHA!

 But one of the first things out of Gus' mouth each day is...

last night's dinner...a big wad of tobacco...[fill in the blank]...

...the need for physicality. 

Oh thank the Lord!  That was close.  We definitely ran the risk of getting pulled there...  One final thought:

Auburn fans are used to winning. They'll be asking a lot from Chizik from the start.

Heck, who are we kidding?  That'll be a lot to ask from Chizik four years from now!

I'm still in stunned disbelief at how Schlabach was able to take the story of a lower-tier coach getting the chance of three lifetimes and, rather than talking about some of the glaring failures in Chizik's career, he turns it into a slobberfest that my two Labrador Retrievers couldn't compete with!

Best conference in the country my bloated backside!  BIG TEN FOREVER!!