Cully Vale Soon to Sign with Iowa

In the wake of last week's mass suicide defection from Todd Lickliter's Iowa hoops squad, the Hawkeyes suddenly have a glut of available scholarships and a lack of point guards.

From BHGP Friend of the Program Mike Hlas comes news that Lickliter may have killed two birds with one stone: High school point guard Cully Vale is set to sign with Iowa.  Few players have had their high school career chronicled as well as Vale, who was the subject of daily speculation in the Chicago Tribune throughout his time at Milford Academy.  Here, a brief recap of what we know about this Hawkeye-to-be:

He was a two-sport star, and thought to be primarily a football recruit, after being named captain of the Milford Mudlarks football team (though he might be slightly oversized at point guard, seeing as how he played tackle)

He was named captain, mostly because he's such a good teammate.

But that's not to say he doesn't have a wild side.  Cully had his share of run-ins with law enforcement.  Over the course of his four years in high school, he was charged with:

Vandalism...

...assault...

...and at least three murders, including the deaths of the local sports reporter/gambling junkie and the guy from the Subway ads.

But he paid his debt to society, spending 13 months in a juvenile detention facility.  He also has to go door to door every time he moves to tell his neighbors he's a convicted murderer.  So, yeah...

It sucks to be Cully.

Wait, what?  Cully PAYNE?

Oh, shit.  Nevermind.  We don't know anything about him.

(T/F/J to This Week in Milford, the single funniest blog about our favorite tragically unfunny comic strip).