Here we are, Other Secretary. Old School Hep's very own Cursed Cave!

 I'm scared, J!

 Why are you always on the phone?

 WHO GOES THERE

 It's me and Other Secretary, versus you! This is Remarchifornication!

 IT'S APRIL

 I don't care what your calendar says. The March to Freedom continues every day of the year.

 THAT'S FUNNY BECAUSE APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP

 Not until we have vanquished you in the name of the Stars and Bars!

 WHATEVER, YOU WIN, I SLEEP

 V is for victory. Our victory.

 Hooray, big guy! We sure showed that old severed head! Go back to Miami of Ohio!

 Uh-oh.

 RAAAARRRAARRRRGH

 IT IS MIAMI UNIVERSITY

 NOW HEP MAD

 Bring it on, severed head! This is just what we wanted!

 Babe, it's better when the bad guy doesn't want to do anything to you.

 HEP CURRRRRRSE OTHER SECRETARYYYYY

 Aaaiiieeee---*pop*

 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 hellllp meeeee....

 YOU MUST CHOOSE BETWEEN HEART AND COUNTRY, J LEMAN

 OR DO YOU NOW TRULY LOVE... TERRORISM

 NOT ALLAH BLESS AMERICA, NAW NAW

 ALLAH DAMN AMERICA

 IT'S IN THE KORAN, ALLAH DAMN AMERICA

 Raaaaaaaaaah!! (unloads automatic rifle into Other Secretama bin Laden)

 gehhh...

 HEP ACTUALLY WANTED TO SEE YOU SEX UP OSAMA

 NOW YOU DEAL WITH MY MOST VICIOUS MINIONS WHILE I CRUISE TO VICTORY UNIMPEDED

 You fascist bastard! I'll kill you!

 RAAAARRARARRRRGH YOU GO THROUGH TOM COVERDALE FIRST

 Jesus, I hate that guy.

 April fool's, shithead! (brandishes a knife and snarls)

 April Fool's... freedom rules.

 /karate chops Coverdale's neck

 haaccckaackk

 /dead

 NOW FOR YOU, TERRORIST SEVERED HEAD MOTHERFUCKER!

 YOU WOULDN'T LIKE ME WHEN I'M ANGRY, AND RIGHT NOW I AM VERY! FUCKING! ANGRY!

 HEEEEEEP CURRRRRRRRRRRRSE