REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND ONE: WE'RE FIXING THAT THING OVER THERE

In light of the rather obvious voting fraud, which BHGP strongly condemns, we'rve decided to handle this KOK-Stall thing once and for all. So we've decided to settle this thing once and for all... with a Connect Four tournament! Wheeeeee!

Okay, you guys know the rules, right?

I studied for days!

I am a bathroom stall that is just fucking buried in semen.

Right, I don't know what worries me more.

Apples!

Oh god, let's just do this.

Hey, I have a problem.

Yeah? What's that?

Not to fuck a dead horse, but I'm a bathroom stall that people sexed each other up in.

Bad grammar, but okay, what are you getting at?

You should talk. I don't have arms. I can't play this.

Oh. Huh.

I win!

Well, bylaws say you actually have to connect four for this to be official, Ken.

Okee dokee.

This is unfair!

Unfair? Unfair is nightly beatings from your drunk father until he walks out on the family on your 8th birthday, but not before he throws the cake and kicks in the TV. That's unfair.

Wow, that happened to you? I'm so sorr--

No, not at all. I'm just saying that's pretty unfair.

Can we get started already? I wanna win!

Fair enough, Ken. Red or black?

Black, for black and yellow, our colors!

Good, red is the color of blood, and I'm used to that!

HOW CAN ANYONE LIKE YOU

Trust me, OPS; compared to the common man, you are nowhere near as perverted as you think you are.

Oy.

So bullshit.

Whatever. Go ahead and get this over with, Ken.

Get ready for the boom!

clink

clink

clink

Hmmmm....

clink

clink

clink clink clink

clink

Ta-da!

Okay, let's see... oh for crying out loud.

Okay, not only did you not put four in a row, but you put in one of the opponent's chips.

Yeah?

And a North Dakota quarter.

Minot!

And, somehow, Randy Marsh's head.

Connect four! Boomtown!

You're weird and we hate you.

So I win!

Well, no, technically, you have nothing here that counts as four in a row of anything. We'd really prefer it if you satisfied those obligations with the game pieces in front of you, but we gave up on specifics with you long ago. So all you have to do is connect four of nearly anything and we can---

/CRASHES IN

Oh, god damn it.

/is dead

/is very dead

dude.

Oh sorry, a bartender must have put alcohol in my coke.

LIKE NINE TIMES.

Yeah, we get it.

I mean, I was just going to be at the bar

We get it

and just hang out

WE GET IT

and not dahrink at all

WE FUCKING GET IT AND YOU'RE A LIAR

Whatevs, I'm going home now.

God damn it.

So... you need a guy for this spot?

Well, since you just hit both our candidates at 76 miles per hour, yes, I think we need to replace them.

Great! Now, my existence as a rhetorical device is unimpeachable.

Whatever.

BE SURE TO VOTE AGAINST ME NEXT WEEK OTHERWISE THE BARTENDER WILL PUT ALCOHOL IN YOUR SODA

God, I

I WILL RUN YOU OVER

hate my life.

"SHAUN PRATER'S EXCUSE" HAS TAKEN OVER KEN O'KEEFE'S SPOT IN THE TOURNAMENT.