An Important Decision

by Adam Jacobi on Mar 2, 2009 4:00 PM CST in Iowa Hawkeyes News

Time to take a step away from the bloodbath that is JoePa vs. the Chinese Security Guards. Vote anyway, if you haven't already. But there's a question bugging me, and since it's Remarchifornication and all, I'll share it with you folks.

The NBA fans among you may recall that Allen Iverson recently cut his trademark cornrows, citing a need for change, Obama's presidency, and the request of his family. Seriously, that's not a joke:

And that got ol' Oopsie thinking. What if it's time for a change of my own? Can't really do much with my hair at this point, but what if it's something that's near something that's near and dear to my heart.

Is it time to switch back to briefs?

I mean look. I'm 27. My free-wheeling boxer days with their polka dots and their ~~hearts~~ ~~Hello Kitties~~ ~~GUNS AND SHIT~~ stripes had a good run. But Obama's the president now, so it's all about change. That means, to me, to dress like a grown-ass man.

So we decided to plug all the data into the BHGP COMPUTOTRON 2000 and get an accurate representation of "OPS in tighty whiteys." Your answer:

The overturned cop car, beer in hand, adoring crowd, rocking stache... That's about right.

What do you folks think? Is it time to CELEBRATE GOOD OBAMA COME AWWN in my BVDs from now on?

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Comments

A clean-shaven package and boxers are the only way to go.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Mar 2, 2009 4:05 PM CST reply actions

Dude...TMI

Go Hawks!

by CUNKNNK on Mar 2, 2009 4:40 PM CST up reply actions

Hey, he asked for our opinions.

"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"

by bluearmadillo on Mar 2, 2009 5:32 PM CST up reply actions

I think you should try to look like this guy:

by ReadingRambler on Mar 2, 2009 4:35 PM CST reply actions

I don’t think this guy wears underwear, so there’s my answer. JMO

by ReadingRambler on Mar 2, 2009 4:45 PM CST up reply actions

Tighty whiteys are not to be worn between the ages of 10 and 40

by NorseHawk on Mar 2, 2009 4:38 PM CST reply actions

Compromise. Rock the Boxer Briefs.

The Yin and Yang of undergarments. The best of both worlds. The perfect balance. Plus chicks dig ’em.

Go Hawks!

by CUNKNNK on Mar 2, 2009 4:44 PM CST reply actions

That's the way to go

by chitownhawkeye on Mar 2, 2009 5:03 PM CST up reply actions

I'm in the process of coverting myself.

I mean, true, ya gotta let ya nuts hang and all, but there’s also something to be said for keeping things a bit more uh, neat & tidy and less… um, noticeable, while still staying comfortable and not too compact, yet not looking like a 10-year-old/60-year-old when it comes time to drop trou…

Anyway yeah, go with the boxer-briefs. ComfortSoft waistband. It’s to comfort what the Reuben is to the sandwich – perfect.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 2, 2009 6:11 PM CST up reply actions

Holyfuckingpopefuck that was kinda clumsily worded and rambly.

Just got done taking (tanking?) a test. Brain mushy need brown liquor.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 2, 2009 6:12 PM CST up reply actions

But boxer briefs aren't FUNNY, guys.

Jeeeeeeeez.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Mar 2, 2009 6:23 PM CST up reply actions

Free-ballin' with a strip of tape, maybe?

by Bucketochicken on Mar 2, 2009 6:29 PM CST up reply actions

Oh. humor.

Fine. Wear pantyhose. You can even cut the legs off so the pasty alibaster glory of your legs can be seen.
Namath did it. Are you man enough to follow his lead?

by chitownhawkeye on Mar 2, 2009 6:51 PM CST up reply actions