REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND ONE: JOE PATERNO VS. LOU HOLTZ

WELCOME TO THE REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS TOURNAMENT. The bracket itself is still in production because fuck you, that's why. It'll be done tonight, unless it isn't.

#1 SEED: JOE PATERNO

 

Brains_medium

Tournament bid: Automatic

Pros

Cons

  • [JoePa Chronicles really tailed off this year, didn't they?--ed] We were diversifying! [aka you suck.--ed]

Statement

Iconjoepa_medium HELLO PEOPLE

Iconjoepa_medium YOU CAN CALL ME MISTER PATERNO, THANK YOU

Iconjoepa_medium THAT WILL BE FINE

Iconjoepa_medium I DON'T UNDERSTAND MUCH ABOUT THIS RAMADA-COPULATION OR WHATEVER YOU'RE CALLING THIS FESTIVAL

Iconjoepa_medium THOUGH I DID SPRAY AT A HOLIDAY INN EXPRESS LAST NIGHT

Jaypa_medium Hahahaha, good joke, dad!

Iconjoepa_medium NO CONDOMS IF THE PROSTITUTE'S ALREADY DEAD, I SAY

Jaypa_medium ...that took the joke a little too far.

Iconjoepa_medium WHAT IN SATAN'S ASSCRACK LEADS YOU TO BELIEVE I WAS TELLING A JOKE

Iconjoepa_medium ANYWAY

Iconjoepa_medium I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT RAMALAMAPOONCRUSHING

Iconjoepa_medium BUT I DO KNOW THAT THIS PITS ME AGAINST THE IRISH, AND I WILL BE DAMNED IF AN IRISHMAN EVER GETS THE BEST OF OL' MISTER PATERNO, THANK YOU

Iconjoepa_medium IRISH THEY WOULD ALL DIE

Iconjoepa_medium THERE'S YOUR JOKE

Jaypa_medium You scare me, dad.

Iconjoepa_medium SHUT UP

#8 SEED: LOU HOLTZ

Lou_holtz_medium

Tournament Bid: At-Large

Pros

Cons

  • Just got shot to death again by Chinese Security Guards

Iconsoldier_medium ROR

  • ...wait, what?!

NOTE: CHINESE SECURITY GUARDS HAVE KILLED LOU HOLTZ AND ASSUMED HOLTZ'S POSITION IN THE TOURNAMENT.

 

#8 SEED: CHINESE SECURITY GUARDS

Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium Iconsoldier_medium 

Tournament bid: Highlander

Pros

Cons

  • I think a reasonable person would look at the entire list of pros above and immediately consider them pretty heavy "cons."
  • Foiled by J Leman in the first two schemes anyway.

Statement

Iconsoldier_medium Herro, puny Amewicans! I am Chinese Secuwity Guawd! Prease ignowe the fact that the wwiting on my hermet is actuarry Kowean. I vow to win this sirry touwnament and bwing honow to Mao and Yao! Arr who oppose us wirr be kirred! ROROROROROR

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