WELCOME TO THE REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS TOURNAMENT. The bracket itself is still in production because fuck you, that's why. It'll be done tonight, unless it isn't.
#1 SEED: JOE PATERNO
Tournament bid: Automatic
- [JoePa Chronicles really tailed off this year, didn't they?--ed] We were diversifying! [aka you suck.--ed]
#8 SEED: LOU HOLTZ
Tournament Bid: At-Large
- Hate Bowl halftime speechwriter.
- Was murdered by J Leman after being sent to kill Bob Zook by Charlie Weis
- Is fucknuts crazy.
- Just got shot to death again by Chinese Security Guards
- ...wait, what?!
NOTE: CHINESE SECURITY GUARDS HAVE KILLED LOU HOLTZ AND ASSUMED HOLTZ'S POSITION IN THE TOURNAMENT.
#8 SEED: CHINESE SECURITY GUARDS
Tournament bid: Highlander
- Helped Mao and Yao almost take over the world
- Part of Ron Zook's elite security team
- successfully impersonated Iowa assistant coach Lester Erb during Outback Bowl preparations
- Just fucking killed Lou Holtz in cold blood, in case you weren't paying attention to the very large letters.
- I think a reasonable person would look at the entire list of pros above and immediately consider them pretty heavy "cons."
- Foiled by J Leman in the first two schemes anyway.
Herro, puny Amewicans! I am Chinese Secuwity Guawd! Prease ignowe the fact that the wwiting on my hermet is actuarry Kowean. I vow to win this sirry touwnament and bwing honow to Mao and Yao! Arr who oppose us wirr be kirred! ROROROROROR
JoePa (177 votes)
Chinese Security Guards (15 votes)
192 total votes