NOTE: This has absolutely no connection to Iowa athletics in any way, but it's officially the offseason. What else are we going to write?
For those of you with the great privilege of not getting punched in the head as a career or living in Davenport, Bas Rutten is a former UFC heavyweight champion and current MMA commentator. He finished his career with a 28-4 record. He is not to be trifled with.
Bas Rutten is also comedy gold.
He's the purveyor and host of a series of self-defense videos filmed in what appears to be the Coralville Vine and narrated as only Bas can. In the videos, he fends off would-be attackers wielding guns and knives with the help of little more than a bar stool and a pepper shaker. Not only does Bas narrate his actions, but he provides his own sound effects. They are, in a word, fucking awesome.
The videos are brilliant in and of themselves, but the magic of Bas Rutten should not be confined to self-defense videos and late-night commentary on satellite channels nobody receives. We here at BHGP believe the blinding genius of Bas should be given to the masses.
And so it is, with great pride, we present "Bas Rutten Narrates the Classics," in which we pair this legendary fighter's Shakespearean prose with legendary fight scenes. Barring the inevitable cease & desist letter, it will become an ongoing series throughout the offseason. We could not think of a better way to start than with quite possibly the greatest brawl ever committed to film, the warehouse fight from that 1993 classic of poor English-to-Chinese movie title translation Undefeatable, starring Cynthia Rothrock as a street fighter out to avenge the death of her sister at the hands of a martial arts expert/douche. So make some popcorn, turn the lights down low, and enjoy the show.