Bas Rutten Narrates the Classics, Vol. 1: Undefeatable
by Patrick Vint on Mar 17, 2009 7:57 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads
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PrintNOTE: This has absolutely no connection to Iowa athletics in any way, but it's officially the offseason. What else are we going to write?
For those of you with the great privilege of not getting punched in the head as a career or living in Davenport, Bas Rutten is a former UFC heavyweight champion and current MMA commentator. He finished his career with a 28-4 record. He is not to be trifled with.
Bas Rutten is also comedy gold.
He's the purveyor and host of a series of self-defense videos filmed in what appears to be the Coralville Vine and narrated as only Bas can. In the videos, he fends off would-be attackers wielding guns and knives with the help of little more than a bar stool and a pepper shaker. Not only does Bas narrate his actions, but he provides his own sound effects. They are, in a word, fucking awesome.
The videos are brilliant in and of themselves, but the magic of Bas Rutten should not be confined to self-defense videos and late-night commentary on satellite channels nobody receives. We here at BHGP believe the blinding genius of Bas should be given to the masses.
And so it is, with great pride, we present "Bas Rutten Narrates the Classics," in which we pair this legendary fighter's Shakespearean prose with legendary fight scenes. Barring the inevitable cease & desist letter, it will become an ongoing series throughout the offseason. We could not think of a better way to start than with quite possibly the greatest brawl ever committed to film, the warehouse fight from that 1993 classic of poor English-to-Chinese movie title translation Undefeatable, starring Cynthia Rothrock as a street fighter out to avenge the death of her sister at the hands of a martial arts expert/douche. So make some popcorn, turn the lights down low, and enjoy the show.
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Phenomenal.
I nearly fell out of my chair. The stretch from 1:19-2:07 had me in tears, it’s absolutely perfect. Very nicely done, sir.
¿Quieres chiclets?
That was...
almost as awesome as getting to meet/touch J Lehman.
Yee-Haw! I ride again!
by Cornshoe Hammaker on Mar 17, 2009 9:35 PM CDT reply actions
I'm assuming he's alluding to the Miletich camp in Bettendorf.
With MMA as big as it is now, I’ll also assume that most Iowans know that MFS was at one point considered a sort of “cradle of champions.” Of course, those days have passed, and Miletich is now attempting to bring up a new generation of elite fighters. It’s too bad that the heir apparent, Drew McFedries, appears to be a one trick pony.
¿Quieres chiclets?
by The Mexican't on Mar 17, 2009 11:48 PM CDT up reply actions
His one trick?
He gasses after 1 minute. TA-DA!
by jebushchrist on Mar 18, 2009 8:30 AM CDT up reply actions
Hey! He waited until the second round sometimes...
Loss Nate Quarry TKO (Exhaustion) EC 43 – Extreme Challenge 43 9/8/2001 2 3:03
Okay, so that’s a cheap shot, since it was his first pro fight, and all. But I hadn’t realized that he has not seen the 3rd minute of a fight in almost 2 years. I sure hope he works on that ground game, and conditioning, it was always fun watching the MFS guys get it done.
¿Quieres chiclets?
by The Mexican't on Mar 18, 2009 9:24 AM CDT up reply actions
I have respect for anyone who gets into the cage
But I also question how someone who chooses to live that life doesn’t make more of an effort to improve their cardio. In a sport of uncertainty, Dropdead Drew is as close to a sure thing as you’ll find.
by jebushchrist on Mar 18, 2009 9:31 AM CDT up reply actions
I hear ya.
But at least McFedries didn’t build his hype to the level of Sokoudjou, or even Houston Alexander, only to let us all down with his first round disasters. McFedries probably amassed a giant midwest fanbase, but Sokoudjou failed fans worldwide.
¿Quieres chiclets?
by The Mexican't on Mar 18, 2009 9:55 AM CDT up reply actions
Sokonojudo?
That reminds me: I hate idiots in MMA who are world class in one discipline, then get in the cage and NEVER USE IT. Soko is a judo champ and never uses it. He’s worse than freaking Jorge Gurgel. I mean, at least Gurgel usually takes a beating to the head, face, neck, chest and balls before he loses a decision by not using his BJJ. What is the deal with these guys? It would be like Shaq going to the NBA based on his freakish size and strength, then deciding he was only going to shoot 3’s. That shit wouldn’t fly in any other sport.
by jebushchrist on Mar 18, 2009 10:24 AM CDT up reply actions
It took me about 5 minutes to figure out how you managed to misspell his name
Then I laughed for another 5 after I realized what it actually said.
There was an article somewhere (Bloody Elbow?) that discussed MMA’s transformation into glorified kickboxing. Of course, Soko gained the MMA world’s attention by knocking two phenomenal fighters out, which may explain why he thought he’d be able to overwhelm everyone with his striking. Not falling back on his Judo when he was in trouble was extremely foolish.
Fighters should understand that it is not going to kill their career if they win fights without kicking someone in the head. Damien Maia and Shinya Aoki don’t play around with stand up, and their at the top of the food chain.
¿Quieres chiclets?
by The Mexican't on Mar 18, 2009 11:04 AM CDT up reply actions
That may have been the greatest thing in the history of ever
"Breaststroke, free style," Rubin said of his technique, "Let’s see Phelps do that one."
fantastic... simply, fantastic
the only way it could be better is if you were to do this with the late great andy sidaris’ masterpiece hard ticket to hawaii.
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