REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND TWO: JOEPA VS. TIM BREWSTER

FACE OFF

 Good morning, Mr. Paterno!

 WHAT

 Today's your second round matchup against Tim Brewster.

 WHO IN THE HELL IS THAT

 SECRETARY

 I'm right here. I was just talking to you three seco

 WHO IS TIM THE ROOSTER

 DON'T TELL ME YOU'VE LET JAY WATCH HIS CARTOONS AGAIN

 No no. Brewster. Head coach of Minnesota.

 Hello, Joe! TRY BEST WIN

 WHAT DID YOU CALL ME

 MR. PATERNO WILL BE FINE, THANK YOU

 Kinda weird that we've never "squared off" before, isn't it? My first two years in the league and PSU's off our schedule? Insane! TRY GO BEST FIGHT

 I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW ONE THING, YOUNGBLOOD

 THIS TOURNAMENT IS MINE AND I WON'T LET YOU TAKE IT FROM ME WITHOUT A FIGHT

 THAT IS WHY I AM WEARING THESE BRASS KNUCKLES

 You just wrapped tin foil around your hands a couple times.

 BRASS IS HEAVY

 THIS WILL GIVE YOU A NASTY CASE OF THE SCRAPES AS I RAIN BLOWS DOWN UPON YOU

 Aw, come on, Mr. Paterno! This

 THANK YOU

 …this is a joyous day, so we should be celebrating! ERIN GO BRAGH!

 WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY

 ERIN GO FIGHT WIN TRY BEST HARD BRAGH

 EITHER SOMEONE WAS RETARDED ENOUGH TO BIRTH YOU AN INVISIBLE DAUGHTER TO WHOM YOU'RE NOW DISPENSING RANDOM MOTIVATIONAL LANGUAGE BEFORE THROWING UP, OR YOU ARE TRYING TO SPEAK THE CODE OF THE DIRTY IRISHMEN

 But it's St. Patrick's Day!

 SILENCE

 I WON'T TOLERATE THE IRISH AND I WON'T TOLERATE YOU

 YOU ARE LUCKY TODAY IS A DAY OF CELEBRATION

 But I thought you didn't like St. Patr

 I SAID SILENCE

 TODAY IS GOOD FOR ONE THING AND ONE THING ONLY

 PATRICK DUFFY'S BIRTHDAY

 Hooray!

 Jeez. You'd think you'd get some sympathy for this holiday from someone who looks so much like a leprechaun.

 (snicker)

 THAT CALLS FOR FISTICUFFS

 SECRETARY, RAISE MY ARMS AND DROP THEM ON THIS MAN'S HEAD SO THAT I MAY PUMMEL HIM

 Will you share your pot of gold with me if I do?

 GOD DAMN IT

 I love this holiday!

 (eats Lucky Charms in front of the tv)