REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: J LEMAN VS. OTHER SECRETARY
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2009 10:15 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads
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Print#2 SEED: J LEMAN
Tournament bid: Awarded by Congress (at gunpoint)
Pros
- The patron saint of BHGP
- Big Ten Network hero
- Loves America
- Loves Freedom
- Saved America at the China Olympics
- Defeated Ron Zook's nefarious plot
Cons
- Was mind-controlled by Ron Zook of all people
Statement
Hey.
Hey.
What's going on? You guys can't talk to each other in the statements.
Sounds like you're trying to restrict my First Amendment rights.
Wait, no, no, that's not what I
Sounds like you're anti-Freedom.
Oh, shit, God no.
Let's take this to your statement, Other Secretary. Maybe we'll get a little peace and quiet.
That's what I'm talkin' about.
God damn it.
#7 SEED: OTHER SECRETARY
Tournament bid: Title IX
Pros
- Hot in that ethnically ambiguous way
- Ended Ron Zook's reign of libidinous terror in Champaign
Cons
- Couldn't put the phone down to save her life
Statement
So...?
You saved my life, Other Secretary. And here we are, pitted against each other.
I know, J. It seems so unfair.
Guys, you can't
We can't what? Peaceably assemble? You sure about that, Hitler?
GOD DAMN IT.
I have an idea, Other Secretary. It's you and me against the world.
If I may, J. Bylaws state that you have to have a first round opponent.
I got this one, Mr. Leman. Here's an old friend we can go against.
#7 SEED: DANCING LEBRON INSURANCE ADVICE
Pros, Cons, Statement
Good call, baby.
Thanks, Mr. Leman.
No, baby. Call me J.
(blushes)
J LEMAN AND OTHER SECRETARY HAVE JOINED FORCES AND ARE NOW FACING DANCING LEBRON INSURANCE ADVICE.
(sniffle)
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Wow, that's a tough one.
Had to go w/Americaman and Other Sec based on precedent, but the LeBron Kid n’ Play thing gets big points for the funny.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2009 10:20 AM CDT reply actions
Speaking of rigging the vote.
Something seems fishy in Denmark on this one. I call for the House Judiciary Committee to investigate.
Badges, we don't need no stinking badges!
by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2009 10:25 AM CDT reply actions
How could you vote for someone who was controlled by Ron Zook??? That’s like… shit, I can’t even think of anything to compare that to.
by ReadingRambler on Mar 13, 2009 10:30 AM CDT reply actions
Which 4 of you hate freedom?
Go join the WLA, you commies
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 13, 2009 11:56 AM CDT reply actions
Shenanigans! Shenanigans!
Voting Dancing LeBron out of protest (Leman would understand). Also because Dancing LeBron is awesome. Not as awesome as Diving Afro Shoe Commercial LeBron, but close.
If LeBron wore a Snuggie at some point...maybe.
Otherwise I just can’t vote against J with a clear conscience.
Apparently facts are weak things when they face personal philosophies.
Can we vote for 'Lucky BHGPer Who Gets to Comfort the Lonely Lovely Blonde Lady Now that J Leman's Gone?'
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
other secretary needs a name...
Jeanie?
Mary Jane?
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
I think "Other Secretary" will suffice.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2009 8:31 PM CDT up reply actions
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