REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND 1: RON ZOOK VS. BOBERT ZOOK

SEED #2: RON ZOOK

Tournament bid: Ordered via text message

Pros

• Takes all sorts of fun pictures
• Facilitated the murder of his first round opponent

Cons

• Is actually the last coach to beat Iowa in football
• Fratricide is kinda frowned upon here at BHGP

Breadman

Statement

 WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! The Zooker is rollin', baby! YEAH! We just had a heck of a season. Won some games, lost some. Pretty psyched up! Who wants to go lift some weights?! Anyone want a Boat? I'll sell you mine! Go skiin' together! WHOOOOO!!

 anyway, vote for me over my Shithead brother and we'll all go get robodroned tonight, ZOOK's honer! In fact, ZOOK's been on 'er over and over!

 ROFL!

 ps Bobert is dum

#7 SEED: BOBERT ZOOK

Tournament bid: Found it in a dumpster behind Bennigan's

Pros

• Is Ron Zook's incredibly lazy twin brother
• Covered the BXI Media Day for BHGP
• Is just lovin' life with that chair, man

Cons

• Can't smell a thing
• Is dead

Statement

 ...actually, we couldn't find Bobert. Turns out he got evicted from the storage lot back a couple weeks ago. He didn't leave a forwarding address, either, just an old piece of paper with one word on it: "Valhola." Bobert, it seems, is not much of a speller

Here I am!

 Oh, he was just like two units over.

Yeah, they don't check these things very often. Do you know how easy it is to break a padlock?

 Um, not very?

Pretty much. But I get along. You want a beer?

 Really? Um, I guess so, you got... well, wait, what kind of beer?

Little bit of the O'Dozer.

 There's no alcohol in this stuff!

  Whatever man, it's cheap. Grab a seat. I found this guitar and I'm gonna play some Zeppelin.

 Sweeeet.