REMARCHIFORNICATION BRACKET MADNESS ROUND ONE: JAMIE POLLARD VS. OLD TESTAMENT HEP
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 10, 2009 9:15 AM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes Game Threads
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PrintSEED #3: JAMIE POLLARD
Tournament bid: Consolation prize in Gene Chizik sweepstakes (shown above)
Pros
Tried to sign Gene Chizik to an extension at ISU
Failed, obviously
Went all weepy Rickey Henderson on us
Commissioned a Beyond Photoshop of the new coach
Took his inconsolability across memes
Cons
None at all.
Statement
Shut up! Just shut up! Don't look at me! I'm not crying! Jamie Pollard wouldn't cry! I love my job and I love the Cyclones! I'm so happy I'm going to sing the fight song! Hail, to the Cyclones valiant, hail, to the Iowa States, hail, hail, to Michi-Iowa, the... oh Christ I don't even know my own school's fight song! WHERE DID IT ALL GO WRONG?!
(runs away crying)
I SAID DON'T LOOK AT ME!
#6 SEED: OLD TESTAMENT HEP
Tournament bid: Awarded out of mortal fear
Pros
Set Indiana's stadium ablaze over perceived insolence
Cons
Single-headedly wrecked Iowa's 2007 season over perceived insolence
Statement
RARRRAARRRRRGH WHO GOES THERE
Oh, hey Hep. We're doing the tourney thing. It's your turn today.
HEP DOES NOT CARE FOR TRIFLES SUCH AS BHGP
Dude, come on, your fans love you.
HEP WANTS TO GO BACK TO BED
IT FEELS LIKE IT IS AN HOUR EARLIER THAN THE CLOCK SAYS
Hmm.
So, um, Old Testament Hep, how do you feel about that?
HEPSHEPSUT CURRRRSSSSE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME
Hahaha, here we go!
WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING
HEPSHEPSUT HATE INSOLENCE
Oh, lighten up
HEPSHEPSUT CURRRRSSSE BHGP
Wait, wha
OLD TESTAMENT HEP HAS PUT A DEATH CURSE ON BHGP.
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i want that dumbass pollard to lose
just to see how he reacts
by Anonymous Hero on Mar 10, 2009 10:55 AM CDT reply actions
Jamie Pollard's statement seems eerily similar to an early Bright Eyes show I saw.
Was he drunk, too?
Viva la nuance! Reading comprehension rules!!!
Had to do it
had to vote for Pollard. I wouldn’t want him to be….well, you know.
DST
Hoeppner started at IU in 2005, the same year that Indiana started observing Daylight Savings. Is OT Hep back for vengeance on the state? Is that his ultimate goal? Hep cannot be stopped until Indiana fixes the mistakes that it’s made.
Detroit Sucks! - http://detroitsucks.wordpress.com
It's tied?
You fools. Don’t make Hep mad, he’ll kill us all!
by chitownhawkeye on Mar 10, 2009 12:48 PM CDT reply actions
This is the first trully gripping match of the RAMARCHIFORNICATION thus far
I fear the consequences of either losing…well I guess I don’t really fear Pollard, but I fear for his mental health
where's that Pollard - Obama-con...
that needs to make an appearance….
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
I do have more rhymes than Jamaica got mangos.
by LuebkeSwims! on Mar 10, 2009 1:40 PM CDT up reply actions
inconsolable v. referring to yourself in the 3rd person
Which is more awesome?
Jamie Pollard says Jamie Pollard will be inconsolable if he gets bounced in the first round by OTH.
by Internet Legend on Mar 10, 2009 1:55 PM CDT reply actions
well, shit
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
by bluearmadillo on Mar 10, 2009 5:17 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm inconsolable
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
by bluearmadillo on Mar 10, 2009 6:24 PM CDT up reply actions
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