Welcome back to Selecting Sunday on BHGP! Once again, I'm your host, Oops Pow Surprise. We had an incredible East region matchup chock full of exciting matchups and storylines. Time to reveal the rest of the field. As with before, in order to maintain the integrity of the selectioning process, we're learning these right along with you. Let's dive right on.
1. Ken O'Keefe
O'Keefe had an incredible resume this season, not the least of which included trying to defect to South Carolina before the bowl game and having a bear chew off Jake Christensen's arm. He's even the roommate of our very own HFMR. KOK is many things to many people, but he might be able to add one more word to that library: Champion.
8. The Metrodome Stall Where The Two Iowa Fans Sexed Each Other Up
This must have been a fun Google Image search! The bathroom stall where the two Iowa fans (WHO ARE NAMELESS AND DO NOT HAVE FAMILIES OR LIVES OR ANYTHING) sexed each other up really only had one moment in the proverbial sun, but did it ever make it count. And if anyone had the common sense to film this stuff and put it on YouPorn or something, then we get the notion that Bathroom Stall would be much higher on the list. All the same, getting noticed on Selecting Sunday must be quite the honor for Bathroom Stall.
4. Cornshoe Hammaker
A 4 seed caps an impressive year for the hero/villain of the Civil War, who killed General Lee, Abe Lincoln, and later Charlie Weis with his trusty cannon. People sure gave their kids weird names back then (cough).
5. Smelley Cock
And speaking of silly names! Wow, what a matchup this should be! We really thought Smelley Cock would be getting a higher seed, being that he's the first BHGP character to be given his own entire month. Will Cornshoe blow the Cock's head clean off???
3. Jamie Pollard
Nobody came out of the Gene Chizik debacle worse than Jamie Pollard, which is why he's absolutely perfect for a tournament like this. The fact that he could fall to a 3 seed tells you what a loaded Bracket Madness bracket this is. Let's see who his first foe is.
6. Old Testament Hep
Now here's an upset candidate if we've ever seen one! Old Testament Hep brought down Iowa's 2007 season; can he shake up the Bracket Madness next?? This is exciting! Please don't kill us, Hepshepsut! Ha, ha, ha! Seriously, don't kill us.
2. J Leman
It seems incredible that the Patron Saint of BHGP can't even get a 1 seed in Bracket Madness, but The Great American Hero knows what matters most is what happens after the selectioning. We can't help but think getting his brain hijacked by the Zooker reflected negatively on him in the committee's eyes.
7. Other Secretary
Quite the fox, we must say, and those sports fans who vote with their penises will find this an intriguing upset pick. Plus she's shooting Ron Zook over and over and over.
That's the entire tournament field, folks! The Super Sixteen! We'll be working on getting a bracket ready tonight, then voting begins on Monday.