Shaun Prater Arrested For DUI

by Adam Jacobi on Feb 28, 2009 9:50 PM CST in Iowa Hawkeyes Football

Well, this isn't good at all. Prater was probably going to compete with Jordan Bernstine for Bradley Fletcher's vacated corner spot next season; that is plainly out of the question now.

But we're struck by this comment he made to the arresting officer:

Prater told police his bartender “must have put alcohol in his Coca-Cola,” the report said.

You can read our full take at SBB here, but suffice it to say, we TOTALLY BELIEVE HIM. The stink of conspiracy here is unmistakable.

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I hope someone has the journalistic balls to see how wide-reaching this conspiracy really is...

God knows how many bartenders, check-out clerks, and other personnel with ties to the Clones and the Gophers have infiltrated Iowa City.

by RossWB on Feb 28, 2009 11:51 PM CST reply actions

That is awesome

Not the DUI thing, that’s horrible and I hope he’s punished severely. But the excuse? Fucking awesome. I have my new go-to “sorry I did something retarded while I was drunk” excuse.

by NorseHawk on Mar 1, 2009 1:17 AM CST reply actions

Paul Rhoads

Let’s see, new aISU head coach Paul Rhoads is a Cyclone, and he used to be a coach at Auburn, which is in Alabama, which is right next door to the state where Coca-Cola is made.

Your honor, I rest my case.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 1, 2009 9:47 AM CST reply actions

and coca cola used to contain cocaine and guess what an Alabama player got caught selling on campus last year…? it’s bigger than all of us, i tell you!

by kleph on Mar 1, 2009 10:04 AM CST up reply actions

And Coca-Cola's primary logo color is RED!

Who else uses red?

Iowa State.
China.
The visitors from “V”.
KKK Grand Wizards.

Oh, will we ever unravel this nefarious web of lies?

by Bucketochicken on Mar 1, 2009 10:24 AM CST up reply actions

IT GETS WORSE

Bartender contains the word “art.” Art Donovan was a legendary lineman for the Colts. The Colts employ Bob Sanders and Dallas Clark, who were Hawkeyes! WHY DO WE KEEP DOING THIS TO OURSELVES?!?!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Mar 1, 2009 1:03 PM CST up reply actions