Michigan thanks fans with lower prices was the title of the story on ESPN.com yesterday. But what's the real story? Are the folks at the U of M Athletic Department telling the whole truth? I've borrowed the old "Disgronficator" from The Rush Limbaugh Program so that we can really see what's really going on:
"In this challenging time economically, this is our way of thanking our fans who have supported us for decades," Martin said. "Unlike most schools, we had an opportunity to lower prices for football tickets." Disgronified: "We sucked so bad last year that we wanted to let people in for free. This is actually the closest thing we could do and still have any sports at Michigan."
Ohio State and Michigan State both announced earlier this month they were slightly increasing ticket prices for 2009. Disgronified: "...proving conclusively that both teams will beat Michigan in the upcoming 2009 season. And have more room under the salary cap for 2010." [edited to add: No, there's no salary cap in college football. Just smile and nod.]
Tickets for Michigan's eight-game schedule will cost $400, the same price as 2007 when Michigan hosted eight games. Student tickets will cost $200, a decrease of $1.43 per game compared to 2008. Disgronified: "$1.43...which will barely buy their share of the pitcher at the sob fest at Good Time Charly's. Surely, this will not be sufficient funds to get any sort of drunk on. Call it our version of a stimulus plan."
Tickets for individual games will cost $65 for marquee games against Ohio State and Notre Dame and as low as $50 for other matchups at the Big House. Disgronified: "...because, hopefully, if we can beat one of these two teams, people will forget about losses to Indiana or Purdue.
Michigan opens the season Sept. 5 against Western Michigan. The Wolverines lost a school-record nine games in Rich Rodriguez's debut with college football's winningest team. Disgronified: "Don't screw our program, RichRod or we'll make you cry like a sissy boy!"
Happy Weekend! GO HAWKS!