What Michigan REALLY Meant To Say...

by SavagePoop on Feb 20, 2009 4:09 PM CST Comment 16 comments

Michigan thanks fans with lower prices was the title of the story on ESPN.com yesterday. But what's the real story? Are the folks at the U of M Athletic Department telling the whole truth? I've borrowed the old "Disgronficator" from The Rush Limbaugh Program so that we can really see what's really going on:

"In this challenging time economically, this is our way of thanking our fans who have supported us for decades," Martin said. "Unlike most schools, we had an opportunity to lower prices for football tickets." Disgronified: "We sucked so bad last year that we wanted to let people in for free. This is actually the closest thing we could do and still have any sports at Michigan."

Ohio State and Michigan State both announced earlier this month they were slightly increasing ticket prices for 2009. Disgronified: "...proving conclusively that both teams will beat Michigan in the upcoming 2009 season. And have more room under the salary cap for 2010." [edited to add: No, there's no salary cap in college football. Just smile and nod.]

Tickets for Michigan's eight-game schedule will cost $400, the same price as 2007 when Michigan hosted eight games. Student tickets will cost $200, a decrease of $1.43 per game compared to 2008. Disgronified: "$1.43...which will barely buy their share of the pitcher at the sob fest at Good Time Charly's. Surely, this will not be sufficient funds to get any sort of drunk on. Call it our version of a stimulus plan."

Tickets for individual games will cost $65 for marquee games against Ohio State and Notre Dame and as low as $50 for other matchups at the Big House. Disgronified: "...because, hopefully, if we can beat one of these two teams, people will forget about losses to Indiana or Purdue.

Michigan opens the season Sept. 5 against Western Michigan. The Wolverines lost a school-record nine games in Rich Rodriguez's debut with college football's winningest team. Disgronified: "Don't screw our program, RichRod or we'll make you cry like a sissy boy!"

Happy Weekend! GO HAWKS!

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Comments

What's a "Rush Limabugh Program?"

by Bucketochicken on Feb 20, 2009 4:45 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

More importantly

what happens if you disgronify it?
Whatever the hell that means.

by chitownhawkeye on Feb 20, 2009 5:29 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Ok, I just looked it up on teh internets -

Turns out “Rush Limbaugh” is a human form of radio talkshow host for people who have apparently had all the convolutions ironed out of their brains. This “Rush Limbaugh” whatsits is quite popular among certain segments of the populace, from what I gather – racists, homophobes, TruckNutz enthusiasts, and something called “republicans,” apparently. Of course, you can’t really believe everything you read on the internet, so perhaps this “Rush Limbaugh” isn’t actually human after all.

by Bucketochicken on Feb 20, 2009 5:45 PM CST reply actions 0 recs

Rush doesn't like Asians

this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.

by pfac51 on Feb 23, 2009 5:15 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

If we could not group racists, homophobes, and "republicans" together, that'd be great.

by jebushchrist on Feb 21, 2009 8:54 AM CST reply actions 0 recs

What, the quotes should be removed or something?

Viva la nuance! Reading comprehension rules!!!

by tyger1147 on Feb 21, 2009 5:57 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Nah, just use a code word if you have to.

Like “racepublicphobes.”

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 21, 2009 6:12 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Because it's offensive to the racists and homophobes?

by Bucketochicken on Feb 21, 2009 10:43 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

I take it

you haven’t seen “Right America: Feeling Wronged” yet.

Badges, we don't need no stinking badges!

by three and out the kok story on Feb 23, 2009 2:16 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

If I want to be amused by some asshole skewering a few idiots while painting them as the majority, I’ll watch “Jaywalking”, which is about as credible a documentary as anything by Alexandra Pelosi.

by jebushchrist on Feb 23, 2009 9:38 PM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Right, it's the same as that documentary "Trekkies"

Where they did interviews of all these grown-ups who dressed up in costumes, made weapons, spoke Klingon and went to Star Trek conventions and they made them out to be weirdos.

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 24, 2009 10:01 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs

Hold on just a second.

Are you suggesting that they simply cherry-picked the most outrageous comments/individuals in a vain attempt to paint a broad-brushed sterotype regarding all those on the right?

The hell you say.

Next you try and tell me all people from Ark. are not married to their cousins.

Badges, we don't need no stinking badges!

by three and out the kok story on Feb 24, 2009 10:06 AM CST up reply actions 0 recs