LIVEOPENBLOGTHREADGAMEKAZAAM: ROCK YOUR SALSA OFF

Loading Scores

Iowa vs. Purdue! For all the marbles! Or at least one marble! Or not! Iowa's got new uniforms starting today, which is probably the only reason this game is near sell-out status. And while fan reaction about the uniforms indicated that 1) SNAKES ARE MOTHERFUCKERS and 2) the uniforms are only "decent," keep in mind that there's absolutely nothing wrong with upgrading greatness, as Queen and Microsoft ably demonstrate below.

[this shit is my jam, man]

All the same, this will be a bloodbath of biblical proportions. Iowa is missing:

  • their starting "point guard" (replacement: lightly used 1st year juco)
  • their best shooter (replacement: completely one-dimensional 1st year juco)
  • and their best post player (replacement: tearful prayer).

Yes, Purdue is missing Robbie Hummel, so this may not be the 30-point shitvalanche that Purdue dropped on Iowa the last time these paths crossed, but come on, people. This could get gruesome.

And as always, the drinks guide, should you be sufficiently masochistic/planning on stumbling around drunk at 6 pm on Valentine's Day:

Iowa losing by 15+: Hard liquor
Iowa losing by 10-15: Red wine
Iowa losing by 5-10: Cheap beer
Iowa losing by 0-5: The good beer
Iowa winning: The really good beer
Iowa winning by more than 1 point per minute remaining: Hard liquor

Hope you've got 3 bottles of red wine you're not fond of, because you're never seeing them again. Tipoff's in 15. If we must witness the horror, let's do it together.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker