Ken O'Keefe Looking Forward to Getting His GPK On
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 13, 2009 1:13 AM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
26 comments
So I just read about Ferentz's new contract and thought that a good friend of mine, fresh off a 16-hour Cartoon Network marathon, would be interested to hear the news. You would think that a member of the coaching staff would know the deal, but his relationship with the other coaches has been a little strained since an ugly incident prior to the Outback Bowl.
Hey Ken, did you hear Kirk got a 7 year extension?
Yes! YES! YESSSSSSS!
Yeah, good news huh?
What? No, I just figured out Blues Clues. What'd you say?
Kirk got a 7 year contract extension worth close to 3 million a year.
You mean like......dollars? What the shit? He told me we he was getting paid in Garbage Pail Kids like me.
Uhhhh....like you?
Armpit Britt! Ewwwwwwwwww! 
Horny Hal! 
LOL...horny.
Seriously Ken, I think you should...
HAHAHAHAHAHA Barfin' Bart! 
Ken listen to me. This is important.
Fine. What.
According to the article....
* snicker * .....bony 
.....it says that "his assistant coaches will be able to receive additional compensation if they meet certain goals."
Annnnnnnnd?
You're an assistant coach.
Go on....
Oh for fuck sake....if the team does well, you could get more money.
No problem, we held opponents to like 12 points per game last year.
That's defense.
You can say that again.
You don't coach the defense, Ken.
Oh. Right. The other guy does that.
Norm Parker?
If he's the fat guy that gave me a swirley after the Michigan State game, then yeah. Him.
You're not going to get paid for what Norm does.
Crappypants buttfart!
Language, Ken. Listen, just do what you're supposed to do next year and you'll be fine.
So....
.....
I....should......
Focus Ken.
Hawkeyes?
Come on, you know this.
Foot....ball. Team.
Getting closer. Expand on that.
Score points?
Atta boy! And if you do that, you're going to make some REAL money....and I think you know what that means.
Hell yeah. More Garbage Pail Kids.
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God
I loved getting Garbage Pail Kids when I was growing up. Whatever happened to them?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Ken got paid a Barfin' Bart?
WTF???? I had to give basically my whole collection to get that one back in the 80’s. What has he done to warrant one of those? This is an outrage!
by CooterDavenhawk on Feb 13, 2009 9:36 AM CST reply actions
Such strong language
Your use of such strong language as “Oh for fuck sake….if the team does well, you could get more money” raises real questions. Well, actually, just one real question. I absolutely promise I am not raising this as a grammar police issue. I just need to know. I’ve always exclaimed “For fuck’s sake” (ritually, on the hour). You use “fuck sake”. Which is correct? Is there a pop/soda split? Can this be geographically mapped? Have I been wrong for years? If the sake does not belong to fuck, then to whom does it belong?
I felt this might be the appropriate forum of consigliere to…. um…… consigliere.
He was referring to a very specific type of Japanese rice wine.
Also, yes, colloquialisms can be mapped geographically.
eg, in Pennsylvania, a “bucket” is called a “pail.”
by Bucketochicken on Feb 13, 2009 10:29 AM CST up reply actions
If you have a lazy midwest drawl like I do
Then “fuck sake” and fuck’s sake" are indistinguishable.
And as far as writing/typing goes, swearing grammar tends to be very lenient. The main thing is that you’re trying…..
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 13, 2009 10:48 AM CST up reply actions
Western Iowa vs Eastern Iowa
Bang vs Finger Bang
Sack vs Bag
Is it “for all intensive purposes” or “for all intents and purposes”
I thought people were saying “I have a sick sense” until I was 24 and learned they were saying “I have a sixth sense”.
"for all intents and purposes" is correct.
Another one that pisses me off is when people type “dominate” when they mean “dominant.”
by Bucketochicken on Feb 13, 2009 12:02 PM CST up reply actions
Holy shit, "intents and purposes" is completely new to me.
But it finally makes sense.
I had an ex who thought that the thing you put your clothes in was called Chester Drawers, which has less to do with regional dialect as it does to do with retarded.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 13, 2009 12:14 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, it's funny...
…All the idioms and words and phrases we hear and use regularly, but have maybe never actually seen in print. And then when you finally do happen across one of those phrases in print, it’s like, “whoa, what the fuck?”
“For all intents and purposes” is a perfect example of how what we actually say and hear in English might be totally different than what a phrase actually is.
For me, I have a tendency to read things too fast, and as a result, misread them. And then once I get it in my head that something is spelled/pronounced a certain way, I tend to see it that way regardless. For example, for the longest time I read “self-depricating” as “self-depreciating.” I knew what it meant, I just misread it once when I was younger, so anytime I came across it (ha!) subsequently, I continued to misread it. Then I actually heard it used out loud and realized I’d been reading it wrong for years.
The human brain is weird. Fascinating, but weird.
by Bucketochicken on Feb 13, 2009 12:22 PM CST up reply actions
Chester Drawers, however, is retarded.
If you put your clothes in Chester Drawers, they’d get all covered in orange chemical-cheez dust.
by Bucketochicken on Feb 13, 2009 12:23 PM CST up reply actions
Dude, thats funny
I thought the term was “self-depreciating” as well and since I don’t use big words like that when I talk, no alarm bells ever went off.
I think I have learned more about grammar today, at work, on BHGP….than I have since I learned all the really good swear words in like 3rd grade.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Feb 13, 2009 2:49 PM CST up reply actions
BHGP... it's like Sesame Street
Only with more dick and poop jokes.
And fewer dead grocery store proprietors.
by Bucketochicken on Feb 13, 2009 3:56 PM CST up reply actions
You don't know that.
No telling what’s in OPS’s closet
by chitownhawkeye on Feb 13, 2009 5:20 PM CST up reply actions
KOK = Koffee on Keyboard
KOK’s adventures with HFMR are the new royalty. Mr. Paterno has jumped the shark…
Discuss.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Feb 13, 2009 11:04 AM CST reply actions
Any article
featuring HFMR, KOK, football, and making fun of KOK is an A in my book. Especially during these trying times in the offseason.
Ahhh, the shark
Thank gawd for Arthur Fonzarelli. As for fuck, one of the more versatile entries in our lexicon, however geographically mapped, and its sake, I prefer the possessive. Not sure if Christopher Fairman would agree, or care.
pax et amor
Pure Brilliance
incorporating Garbage Pail Kids into any blog is genius.
We just needed a couple players, a couple people to buy in to the fact and we were able to do it. --A.Q. Shipley
Assistant Coaches money
The article says:
…assistants could earn additional bonuses “for significant achievement”…
Do we know who decides this? I hope it’s Barta. KF would be too nice if he decided which, in my opinion, would breed mediocrity.
"Significant Achievement" defined:
Norm: Recognizes and consistently applies the principle that a linebacker is not as fast as and cannot cover a wide-receiver.
KOK: Recognizes and consistently applies the principle that right-handed QBs throw best when rolling right and left handed QB’s throw best when rolling left.
If you ain't first, you're last
by three and out the kok story on Feb 13, 2009 12:25 PM CST up reply actions
So you're saying
that money is going to stay safely in the bank?
by chitownhawkeye on Feb 13, 2009 5:21 PM CST up reply actions
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