Why we're all smiling...
I've taken some time this morning to reflect on some things. Some things that pertain to us as Hawkeye fans. Some things that, when juxtaposed with other happenings around the college sports omniverse, make me smile. And probably make you smile, as well. There's just so much to be happy about right now if you routinely associate yourself with the Black and Gold. Therefore, a list...
- Hawkeye wrestling is poised for another championship run, with Brent Metcalf leading... no, paving the way with the bodies of his hapless opposition.
- More notably, the Orange Bowl. In hindsight, playing Boise and spending a month bickering with their rag-tag prenatally neglected fan base would have been a drag, and done little for a potential rise to national prominence. Playing Georgia Tech will not only be more entertaining to watch, but as noted by many, more beneficial to the Hawkeyes identity as a serious contender in the coming years.
- Pete Carroll and his reeling, cat scratched group of condoms accepted an invite to the Emerald Bowl... the nut brand, not the jewel.
- One Eye'd Clausen and Golden Taint are departing from South Bend to test their luck in the big leagues, only a few days after the inevitable sacking of Charlie Weis. As the Irish brass hopelessly search for another promising coach who will never live up to expectations and the seemingly eternal toilet flush on their long history of winning and prestige continues, one cannot help but think of the possibilities of all the recruits that may look elsewhere in the mid-west in future recruiting years.
- Our ass-faced, in state brethren from that town that rhymes with lames have been paired with our good-poop euphemism mascot'd rivals from the north in the 2009 installment of the I'd Rather Be Watching Teletubbies Bowl.
- As noted earlier today, apparently one Seantrel Henderson is still considering Iowa City as his home for the next four years.
- In news that surprised no one, Tim Tebow was invited to the annual Heisman Trophy jerk off festival. On the flip side however, he has no chance of winning, and the last we will see of him is against the Big East champion Cincinatti Bearcats, a team only tested by the mighty Wannstache and some hairy vaginas from Corvallis, Oregon.
- Sans Coach Lickliter, the Hawkeyes disposed of a university whose name was sure to cause many, many double takes. While the season ahead still looks grim, at least the three-point heaving boys will be the bottom feeders of the conference that is, at least for now, better than the ACC.
Maybe I'm digging too deep here, but I can remember few times when news pertaining to Hawkeye sports or otherwise was so consistently and thoroughly entertaining and/or promising. Feel free to add to this list if you wish.
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33 comments
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Comments
Teblow
You neglected to mention the joy of, I’m speculating here, all Iowa fans as The Annointed One cried like a sissy on the sidelines of the SEC championship game.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
To quote my wife...
there’s no crying in football!
"The possibility of physical and mental collapse is now very real. No sympathy for the Devil, keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride." HST
Watch Out
You don’t want to read Schlabach’s ranking of the bowl games if you want to keep your smile. You can find it here if you enjoy getting pissed off at what the talking heads have to say about Iowa Football.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 8, 2009 2:11 PM CST reply actions
They're all idiots.
And that’s all I have to say.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Dec 8, 2009 2:53 PM CST up reply actions
Having not yet read it
I’m guessing Schlabach’s rankings go something like this:
- National Title Game
- Sugar Bowl
- Repeat the first two because they involve Alabama and Florida
- Fiesta – but only in so far as he will talk a lot about how these two teams are being robbed by having to play one another and how exciting the game will be. He, like the rest of the media, will not actually watch said game, only talk about how everyone else should (who will also ignore it)
- Gator Bowl – because Bobby Bowden deserves a better sendoff
- Games involving Florida and Alabama, again
- All bowl games involving the SEC teams. In instances where they are playing Big 10 teams, only the SEC half will be mentioned for its excitement value
- All the other bowl games not involving SEC or Big 10 teams
- The SEC bowls, again
- The Pro-Bowl
- Senior Bowl
- Tebow’s Breakfast Bowl
- Big 10 teams’ bowls
How’d my prognostication go?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Breakdown
Schlabach’s Top 10 bowl games breakdown:
1. National Championship
2. Fiesta
3. Rose
4. Sugar
5. Capital One Bowl
6. Gator Bowl (Yes between West Virginia and Florida State)
7. Las Vegas Bowl (BYU vs. Oregon State, the wheels have clearly fallen off at this point)
8. Orange Bowl
9. Chick-Fil-A Bowl
10. Cotton Bowl
Here’s his synopsis for the Orange Bowl:
8. FedEx Orange Bowl
No. 10 Iowa vs. No. 9 Georgia Tech
8 p.m. ET, Jan. 5
Georgia Tech has the triple-option spread offense. At times, Iowa doesn’t seem to have any offense. The ACC champions are playing in their first Orange Bowl since 1966, when they lost to Florida and Heisman Trophy winner Steve Spurrier. Iowa, the Big Ten runner-up, should have back injured quarterback Ricky Stanzi.
(t/f/j: the World’s Worst Liars)
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 8, 2009 3:55 PM CST up reply actions
No mention of blocked punts
so it’s better than I expected
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2009 4:31 PM CST up reply actions
He also has
Nevada-SMU ahead of Wisconsin-Miami and jNWU-Auburn. Seriously.
by Brock Sampson on Dec 8, 2009 4:40 PM CST up reply actions
You Mean
Blocked Field Goals?
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 8, 2009 4:43 PM CST up reply actions
Yes
that’s exactly what I mean.
Dammit, my brain is worthless (even more worthless than normal) today
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2009 6:57 PM CST up reply actions
he did that trying to carry the offense for 9 games.
by Assault & Slattery on Dec 9, 2009 3:28 PM CST up reply actions
Threw out the back...
while throwing 5 pics in the Indiana game.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Dec 9, 2009 9:32 PM CST up reply actions
I'm surprised
There wasn’t a mention of the “Toilet Bowl” before any Big Ten bowl as well…
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 8, 2009 4:44 PM CST up reply actions
Oh, I already did.
But only to reach my daily high blood pressure quota. Anything that comes out of Schlabach’s mouth (keyboard?) is generally just total dog shit, but that’s never been a secret. I’m still showin’ the pearly whites.
/O'keefe'd
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Dec 8, 2009 5:19 PM CST up reply actions
Reason #9 - Bewster to Kansas?
http://www.twincities.com/ci_13953385
Motivational guru Timmy B. may take over for Mangino. Wonder if Sentreal Henderson will follow him?
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 8, 2009 6:48 PM CST reply actions
Well
Maturi said he is prepared if Brewster leaves. When Brewster was hired, Florida defensive coordinator Charlie Strong was Minnesota’s other finalist. Maturi said that if Brewster leaves, former Indianapolis Colts coach and ex- Gophers quarterback Tony Dungy would be his first call.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHH
I needed that. Thanks
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2009 7:00 PM CST up reply actions
Tony Dungy is your first call?
Really? Why not call Bear Bryant? Or John Heisman? Because they’re as likely to coach Minnesota as Dungy is. Jebus H. Christ, the stupidity just runs rampant up there doesn’t it?
On a side note, I hope to God Brewster doesn’t leave. He brings too much to the table comedically, and nothing talent-wise in the coaching department. He’s basically the best thing that ever happened to Minnesota for Iowa. And Charlie Strong scares me if he were to get the job, it’s a crime he’s been an assistant as long as he has without getting a head job. No way in hell do I want us to have to play a Minnesota team with Strong at the helm.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Strong is going to Louisville.
they should have hired him last time
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2009 7:56 PM CST up reply actions
Yeah, just saw that
Thank God. And good for Louisville getting it right this time.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
What a fucktard
3. Rose Bowl Game Presented by Citi
No. 8 Ohio State vs. No. 7 Oregon
4:30 p.m. ET, Jan. 1
The Buckeyes avoided playing an SEC team in a BCS bowl game, but the Ducks might be nearly as fast as the Florida and LSU teams that beat OSU in the past couple of years. Buckeyes quarterback Terrelle Pryor gets an up-close look at the Oregon offense he might have flourished in if he’d signed with the Ducks. It also might be one heck of a fashion show: Oregon’s ever-changing wardrobe against Ohio State’s classic uniforms.
After reading his first couple picks I was getting a little angry with Schlabach and his missing chromosome, it was then that I saw his fashion show comment and had to stop reading.
You know, fucktard is an interesting term.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 8, 2009 10:12 PM CST up reply actions
It's amazing how
fuck finds it’s way into colloquial lexicon. Fucktard is a perfect example of this, as is fucksauce.
/O'keefe'd
by Smokin Herb Grigsby on Dec 8, 2009 11:11 PM CST up reply actions
Fucksauce is a new one for me
I may have to incorporate it into my extensive fuckabulary.
by Hank Thrasher on Dec 8, 2009 11:53 PM CST up reply actions
Nice
I count at least three “oh, snaps!” in that little blurb.
God, these people are making me feel less and less dirty about my hope for an OSU victory. Ugh. This is so sick.
"Andrew Jones....SEND IT IN, BIG FELLA!" - Bill Raftery, 4/2/09
by ReadingRambler on Dec 9, 2009 9:21 AM CST up reply actions
If the schizo Oregon shows up
You know, the one that looks like Jack Nicholson in the shining, except with a rubber toy hatchet rather than the real thing, Sweatervest is going to stomp them a new asshole or two.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 9, 2009 12:07 PM CST up reply actions
Afterwards
Lagarrette Blount might get a little out of control, pull the sweater vest over Sweatervest’s head, and punch him relentlessly. That will last until the Ohio State fans descend upon the field, break Blount into hundreds of pieces, and spread his body over the state of Ohio.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 9, 2009 1:07 PM CST up reply actions
Um...
…tOhio State Fans would like to remind you that it’s tSweatervest.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Dec 10, 2009 9:52 AM CST up reply actions
When did he get that title?
When Mr. Rogers took his dirt nap?
Of course, he didn’t wear a sweatervest, it was a cardigan, but Cardiganvest doesn’t have the intimidation or ridicule factor that Sweatervest does.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 10, 2009 2:05 PM CST up reply actions
Wait,
so now Oregon has ESSSS EEEEEE CEEEEEE SPEEEEEED? And of course, Ohio State is slow lumbering. God I want the Buckeyes to absolutely ass-rape the Ducks.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Not the team mind you
I just meant any random waterfowl they come across in California.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Hey, the tree huggers will tear them into pieces if they do that
Since we are not supposed to have handguns out here (I live in Sacramento).
BTW, your handle rocks.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 9, 2009 2:28 PM CST up reply actions

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