Even their cheerleaders think they suck
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 4, 2009 9:09 AM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
Email
PrintJust when you thought ESPN couldn't get any dumber, they go and do something like this...
My workplace has a subscription to ESPN the Magazine, which comes in handy when you need something to look at in the kitchen for 2 minutes while you're making toast. I was just thumbing through to see if there was anything worth reading and it turns out, yes....yes there was.
The article that jumped off the page was titled, "6 Things You Should Know About Cheering For a Losing Team," and right smack in the middle of the page was a photo of a Northwestern cheerleader. If that wasn't enough, she has the biggest shit-grin on her face I have ever seen and her name is Krissy Cox. Krissy......Cox. I can't make up stuff like this.
Then it got better. Ms. Cox verified everything you ever thought to be true about Northwestern. Here's what she had to say:
"Since Northwestern isn’t known for sports, we do worry sometimes that our squad might get dissolved…"
I can see how that would be a legitimate concern. The cheerleaders are always the first to go. Good start.
"It helps that we're on grass beacause we can be more acrobatic. So even though crowds get pretty thin.......we can stay creative and throw harder stunts."
Now come on, Krissy, your crowds aren't so bad.
"Losing tests our ability. We want to encourage the team to keep pushing even though we know that no amount of cheering will raise them up"
Maybe you're just doing it wrong. Iowa's football team got behind a lot this year, but with the right amount of cheering our team would usually respond with a victory*.
"We continue to support them by cheering for each play as if it were successful."
That's the kind of glass-half-full attitude you need to have in order to be a Northwestern cheerleader. Hey! A minus two yard rush! YAAAAAAAY TEAM!!!! Cheering for shitty plays is a perfect example of how you're doing it wrong.
"We all care if we win or lose, but the emotion fades quickly…..What Northwestern lacks in success, we make up for in perspective."
This is actually a very good point and one that I can relate to personally. What I lack in wisdom and good looks, I make up for with sweat pants and an insatiable hunger for chocolate pudding. I'd call that a push.
And the money shot:
"When it’s clear we aren’t going to win, it’s definitely harder to cheer. Losing by, say, 40 causes a negative energy that is distracting"
HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah, it sucks to lose by 40. I love how she chose such a randomly huge number for her team to be losing by. But hey, who knows better than someone with a front row seat?
I have a feeling she's been a Northwestern fan her entire life.
*I realize we lost to Northwestern, but they purposely hurt our quarterback, which is cheating and I fucking hate cheaters.
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/stands up
//starts slow clap
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
Follow me on Twitter: @MattLaCasse
/joins slow clap
Keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either, Dude.
by AcrimoniousAngerererer on Dec 4, 2009 10:53 AM CST up reply actions
/joins slow clap as well
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Dec 4, 2009 10:57 AM CST up reply actions
/cat call/
I have occupational turrettes... My job makes me swear uncontrolably at everyone.
It's too early for football to be over, goddamit!!
This. Is. Awesome.
Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck
by Pain in the Sash on Dec 4, 2009 9:26 AM CST reply actions
Thanks for the awesome new sig line.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:22 PM CST up reply actions
we know we such when we lose to northwestern 3 out of 4 years and twice at home
by Remember when used to beat Northwestern? on Dec 5, 2009 1:41 PM CST up reply actions
I too have a subscription to ESPN the Magazine
And for some reason have not received this issue. Needless to say, I am OUTRAGED!!! This single article would make up for years of otherwise worthless content and “features” (look, there’s a reason I avoid Mike & Mike and Stuart Scott on tv/radio, I don’t need columns written with their special brand of “insight” polluting the magazine I read while on the throne) and I am pissed that ESPN has dropped the ball in delivering it into my hands.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I am a former subscriber to...
SI, Sporting News, and ESPN the mag. My subscription to ESPN was the shortest of the three. The photos are good, the rest is not.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Dec 5, 2009 11:38 AM CST up reply actions
My hat's off to you
What a way to start my Friday morning while fighting a debilitating hangover (thanks to the Civil War Drinking Game).
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 4, 2009 9:37 AM CST reply actions
Ugh
I know how you feel. Vodka was a bad choice.
Before you respond, let me remind you: Brian Cook called me smug, which makes me the Obama of smugness. I'm basically Smugbama.
by Patrick Vint on Dec 4, 2009 10:22 AM CST up reply actions
In the spirit of championship games
I have modified a Big 12 Championship Drinking Game that was posted in 2002. Thankfully Brent Musberger will be calling tomorrow’s game, and he has so many predictable sayings. I shall post it later today.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 4, 2009 10:34 AM CST up reply actions
There could be an awesome drinking game doubleheader
Just roll the Floribama game (w/ crazy ol’ Uncle Verne) right into the Big 12 game (with Lushberger Musberger himself).
Although you may be dead by Sunday if you try that…
Yeah
That is my concern. I will give you one rule for the Floribama game that will result in alcohol poisoning: Drink once whenever Tebow is mentioned.
I will drink throughout that game though, just to numb my rage about listening to CBS get on their knees and blow Tim Tebow for three and a half hours.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Dec 4, 2009 10:45 AM CST up reply actions
"Drink once whenever Tebow is mentioned."
Yes, that’ll definitely kill you.
Brunettes not fighter jets
Is this every non-play-related Tebow mention?
Or literally every Tebow mention? The former can probably lead to a rather entertaining drunken stupor. The latter is grounds for a trip to the morgue due to your bloodflow being transformed into your “whiskeyflow”.
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
Follow me on Twitter: @MattLaCasse
What about drinking with every word that has a T in it?
Seems like you need to cover all bases to be safe.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:48 PM CST up reply actions
Vodka is *never* a bad choice.
Having to work or carry out the Honey Do list the next day is the problem.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:25 PM CST up reply actions
Since we're piling on jNW today, which I'm always in favor of:
by Twin Cities Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 9:43 AM CST reply actions
WTF
If a member of the Striblen family had called him about the message, Larkin said he would have considered removing it, but not now, given what happened, he said.
"Now I have no desire to do that," he said.
YEAH! YOU SHOW ‘EM WHO’S BOSS!
Your annoyance over an act of vandalism is TOTALLY ON PAR with their feelings about something that reopens the wounds of the memory of a murder victim.
Fuckin Classy
jNU really did their homework on this one. I can see how the university can be oblivious to the subtle memorial when the trailer is parked there, but once it becomes a mess like this, one would think that they could use a little of their muscle and get that monstosity removed from THEIR property. On another note the memorial is just completly tasteless. Mr. Larkin sounds like an asshole. jNU would do good to sever ties to this moving company.
I learned a great many things in the Marines that helped me as a football coach. The Marines train men hard and to do things the right way, just as a football team must train. - Hayden Fry
by NileKinnickIronman on Dec 4, 2009 10:11 AM CST up reply actions
Perspective, huh?
“What Northwestern lacks in success, we make up for in perspective.”
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Ankles! We don't need no stinking ankles!
by three and out the kok story on Dec 4, 2009 11:25 AM CST up reply actions
My team director is ALWAYS saying that word.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:25 PM CST up reply actions
I'm going to be the contrarian here...
and say that the sister of the lady who was killed needs some perspective.
"Our family had finally moved on. For us, it’s like she got killed all over again," said Striblen of Wheeling, who discovered the memorial about eight weeks ago.
It is a name (and an almost illegible one, at that) on the back of a semi-trailer. Also, do you even see the trailer each day or even each Saturday, or not?
I have a lot of sympathy for her and her family, because it would suck to so senselessly lose a loved one. But the other family probably feels the same way, and that is why they put that dude’s name on the trailer, not to stick it to her family.
Now, should jNW ask that the trailer not be used, or moved to another location, or that part of it covered? Maybe. I think jNW administration (or lack thereof) is the real culprit here.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Dec 5, 2009 11:52 AM CST up reply actions
One thing she forgot to mention.
Was how her and the rest of the cheer squad would go back home, down a bottle of tequlia each and take turns giving the football team some pick me ups.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
then again…that’s what our cheerleaders do after we lose to them
by Remember when used to beat Northwestern? on Dec 5, 2009 1:44 PM CST up reply actions
Why do I get the suspicion
that you’re an Iowa “fan” who just happened to attend a school in Evanston?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Aww... I can't hate them if they make me laugh
Oh wait – YES I CAN!
Good to see the cheer squad’s spending $500,000 a year for college to learn the fine art of deluding yourself into happiness. Now THAT’s a skill you can use in the workforce!
“I may be stuck being this ass-grabbing corporate CEO’s afternoon delight/secretary until I’m too old to please him and I’m reduced to a sweetly smiling shell – but GO TEAM!”
I have occupational turrettes... My job makes me swear uncontrolably at everyone.
It's too early for football to be over, goddamit!!
Its actually kind of hard to bag on her man.
She’s got this sincerity… and there’s probably no other school outside of a directional university in the middle of nowhere where a relatively plain young woman would get to cheer like she does.
That still doesn’t make up for the suck factor, though.
"Wow. You know you have problems when even the cheerleaders know you suck." ~ Pain in the Sash
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:26 PM CST up reply actions
Did you also see
The Quote from Joe Pa bitching and whining trying to get the BCS bid and Espn shun they’re holy light and pissed on the Big Ten again by saying neither team should get it and Boise State should. Is all this ESPN hatred because we have the Big Ten network and are branching off from the ABC tit? I listened to Colin by chance on the way in and he was sucking off the Pac-10 and said the Big 10 is brutal. I for one can’t wait till this bowl season and watch the Big 10 rechange the national perspective that is thrown down every persons throat on the daily by ESPN about how inferior of a conference it is. What are you going to say then? Weak bowl match-ups? I can’t take anymore. Fuck ESPN, Fuck ABC, and Fuck Mickey Mouse to boot. Go Hawks! P.S. Quit whining Joe and change your Depends already. We beat you head to head you fuck face and we play’d a far superior schedule.
i don't wife em...i one night em
With you on rechanging national perspective this bowl season
Although I’ve yet to discover anyone who can articulately define just what National Perspective actually is in a sport consisting of a collection of regional fanbases. As much as I like rooting (for) beavers, and respect Mike Riley, I kept wondering how well Masoli will handle brutuses athletes and pressure and am actually looking fwd to rooting for osu in that game (shudder). Moving along down the ladder, Iowa, PSU and Wiscy all have fine chances to compete nicely in their matchups if McCoy can avoid a Blackshirt curbstomping. And despite the pessimistic musings of one Krissy Cox, whoever gets Kafka and Fitz in their bowl is gonna have their hands full. 5-0 from these squads is not unrealistic.
/no comments on sparty or the brewsters
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
The National Perspective...
…is whatever the two national broadcasters say it is (aka whatever sells more Mouse ears and allows the Bachelor to buy more hair gel).
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Dec 4, 2009 9:01 PM CST up reply actions
You listened to Cowherd...
and you are directing your anger at Paterno?
Strike that, reverse it, and be happy.
Cowherd is all that is unholy and wrong with sports today. Paterno is an old, somewhat classy guy who now occasionally has bouts with the irritability that comes with old age. Iowa will still probably get a BCS bid, or at worst case we go to Orlando and try to beat that clown Les Miles. Life is good.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Dec 5, 2009 12:01 PM CST up reply actions
I can't stand clownherd
I live in Scottsdale now. Got my Fiesta Tixs 3 weeks ago so i’m not looking forward to Orlando. I guess i’m being greedy. I want to see Iowa in the Fiesta, then i’m seeing them in Tucson next year, then hoping to see them again in the NC game in Glendale next year. Go Hawks!
i don't wife em...i one night em
by smokinthereiff on Dec 5, 2009 1:09 PM CST up reply actions
I've decided that you must see the photo of her
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 4, 2009 12:05 PM CST reply actions
Choo Choo
says the football team
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Dec 4, 2009 12:15 PM CST up reply actions
Please tell me this is fake
I mean, COME ON!!! I went to fucking Georgetown and even our cheerleaders weren’t/aren’t this much of a trainwreck.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Easy now
I just thought it was funny how happy she looks in her little purple outfit.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 4, 2009 12:39 PM CST up reply actions
Jimmy Durante called. He wants his nose back.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 4, 2009 1:03 PM CST up reply actions
I regret posting this. Mods please remove. She looks like one of my exes, who was also a jNU grad...
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Dec 4, 2009 1:05 PM CST up reply actions
ahhh, the sweet smell of regret
Which pharmaceuticals are you using to help deal?
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Sweet smell of regret
I know it well. It tends to greet me upon waking most weekend mornings mid-afternoons
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Do you live in the DC area?
There’s certainly plenty of nightspots that’ll do that to ya.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
2 am can't come soon enough.
Why make a trillion when we could make... billions? ~ Dr. Evil
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 3:25 PM CST up reply actions
I got lucky in DC once
Totally unexpected. And definitely not a Walk of Shame afterwards.
Why make a trillion when we could make... billions? ~ Dr. Evil
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 3:26 PM CST up reply actions
What is up with...
that chick’s left eye (to our right)? It looks squinty in comparison to her other eye.
Why would we want to look at your eye? Is there something wrong with that… weird… eye? (Garth from Wayne’s World 2).
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Dec 5, 2009 12:08 PM CST up reply actions
She makes me ashamed to be a Northwestern fan.
(Well, her and pretty much our entire athletic history prior to 1995.)
/“GTFO, jNWU fan” in 3…2…
Welcome!
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
Thanks.
I know I probably won’t be too popular around these parts, but hopefully I can at least prove that there ARE Northwestern fans who are well-informed, passionate, and not loudmouth Armani-wearing toolbags.
by Foxhole Atheist on Dec 4, 2009 2:39 PM CST up reply actions
You're cool with me
with the fact that you just called 90% of your fellow alum Armani-wearing toolbags.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Dec 4, 2009 2:55 PM CST up reply actions
90% may be a bit much,
but it certainly is hard to deny that there’s a decent contingent of NU “fans” that fit BHGP’s stereotype perfectly (these are typically the first people who will shit on the ’Cats when they perform poorly, and the same people who I invariably end up sitting next to every time I go to Wrigley).
by Foxhole Atheist on Dec 4, 2009 3:03 PM CST up reply actions
You got a beer forever on me
For that comment :)
Why make a trillion when we could make... billions? ~ Dr. Evil
by Leftcoast Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 3:27 PM CST up reply actions
I'm a massive Cubs fan and I've enjoyed every single visit to Chicago and Wrigley
But those Armani-wearing douchbags that occupy the bleachers these days are making it harder for me to associate myself with the team. The tipping point was that crooked hat-wearing asshole who threw the beer on Shane Victorino this past season. Whereas it used to be that you’d show up on a sunny midday afternoon wearing what you wore the night before, plow through another ten beers and stare at women in bikinis, it’s now become a giant horse-and-pony show. Now, it seems like you sit next to these guys in the bleachers than you do people who go to actually watch the game.
You would know better than most, it seems, if those FUCKING JAGERBOMB SPRAY TAN DOUCHEBAGS are associated with jNW. But judging from some of the written diarrhea that is splashed across the comment sections here from your fellow ‘Cats, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were.
So welcome, sensible jNW fan, and try not to take shit to heart.
by Twin Cities Hawk on Dec 4, 2009 4:19 PM CST up reply actions
Damn,
how do i wash the feeling of douche off me after watching that video?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Dec 4, 2009 4:35 PM CST up reply actions
Not sure
But I’ve got the perfect guy to figure it out
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
Follow me on Twitter: @MattLaCasse
I'm enjoying your moniker.
And I must say, those Purple fans (the ones you referred to) are the only ones I can’t stand. Anyone who has stuck with that team through all of the bad years, and can manage to not completely douche all over me when they beat the Hawks is cool with me. If only because it feels so familiar (I’ve been a Cubs fan since birth, so…).
And nice use of “toolbag.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Dec 4, 2009 9:12 PM CST up reply actions
Toolbags =
those guys at Wrigley who, as soon as an error occurs, they’re like “oh well, yeah… I knew that would happen eventually… why do we even bother… well there goes the game, we might as well just leave now… y’know actually, I’ll just go wait in the car, cause I’ve got some calls to make”
There’s just something about that attitude that just kills me. It’s like first they’re pissed off for being let down, but then skip a beat and go straight to “fuck em, I didn’t care anyway.”
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Dec 4, 2009 9:27 PM CST up reply actions
As long as you stay away from
the following Northwestern catch-all phrase: “since 1995 when we became a real team”. Then we’re cool.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
"they purposely hurt our quarterback, which is cheating and I fucking hate cheaters."
I definitely agree, especially since Wooten waited to hurt Stanzi on a play where he went unblocked. I also hate cheaters that win with a substandard backup quarterback getting most of the snaps
by Remember when used to beat Northwestern? on Dec 5, 2009 1:59 PM CST reply actions
Even I have no defense for this
except that I just called the NU cheerleaders that I know and told them to kick this bitch off the squad. If nothing else, giving this interview proves Krissy just isn’t very smart, because there is NO WAY Coach Fitz lets her even smell the sidelines at whatever Florida bowl game our “losing” team is attending. Shit, he’s probably thinking right now about strapping on the ol’ pads and throttling her with a Bednarik Award-caliber form tackle.
I can only imagine how you guys feel about this, considering even one of our cheerleaders thinks NU sucks and we’ve taken 3 straight from you in Kinnick. At Northwestern being dumb, ignorant, blonde and plain means Krissy’s out of place. Or as you call it in Iowa City, “girlfriend material”
The Armani wearers will NOT stand for this!!!!!
Or they will rise up and protest. And nothing scares the administration than elevens of fans bringing anger.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
It sounds like someone has a chip on their shoulder
I’m not saying that she wasn’t totally crazy in saying some of the things she did, but I do know for a fact that a few of those quotes were taken way out of context. What I find funny are some of the arguments against her in this post. Making fun of her name? Come on – are you in 1st grade? When I read this article it seemed like the author was really immature – that or extremely defensive. I mean, I suppose you would be considering NU has beaten Iowa the last 3 times they have played…all at Kinnick Stadium. As for the accusation that NU football players are cheaters – if you haven’t noticed, football is a fairly violent contact sport. Injuries are going to happen. I highly doubt that the primary goal in a defensive lineman’s mind is to injure the quarterbacks they sack. You could just as easily blame the offensive linemen for not protecting Stanzi. You of course have a right to your opinion, but more people will take you seriously if you make decent arguments backing it.
They drain the humor out of you in Evanston, don't they?
So you can fit in your Armani suits better, I’m sure.
Personally, I prefer Gucci...
and I don’t think that bashing someone and rubbing their nose in their mistakes in a public forum like the internet or newsprint is humorous no matter what institution they represent.
The number of jNWU fans that only belong to BHGP
is approximately 1 more than can be found on Ryan Field on gameday.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
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