It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Is Still Creeped Out By "Obie"

Looking at the above picture, we're just filled with questions. What do they do with those oranges in the trophy after the picture? How often do they shuffle out the oranges? Has anyone ever eaten one straight from the trophy during one of these silly photo ops? Has anyone realized that Paul Johnson is a zombie? Doesn't Obie hate always looking to his (her? its? their?!) right? Why does he have arms where his ears should be? What's with the stalker there on the left?

Anyhoo.

More like Tricky Stanzi! Am I right? No? Fine: As expected, Ricky Stanzi returned to practice yesterday.

From Hawkmania:

With Stanzi gone to the locker room with a severe ankle sprain, the Hawkeyes lost that game.

They lost again the next week in overtime in a Big Ten showdown at Ohio State, but managed to scrape out a 12-0 victory over Minnesota in the season finale.

Stanzi was on the sidelines for those games, serving as a personal tutor to his young replacement, James Vandenberg.

He said he was proud of the way the freshman from Keokuk performed in his stead, but he’s ready to take his job back now.

And uh, we're ready for that too. No offense to Vandenberg, who was admirable as an emergency replacement, but his performance thus far wasn't terribly confidence-inspiring. Vandenberg struggled mightily against Northwestern, and though he rebounded for a solid (if inconsistent) performance at Ohio State, the yucks returned against Minnesota the next week. That's 1 for 3 on competent QBing by Vandenberg. Stanzi, as we've mentioned before, has the uncanny ability to keep both teams in a game, but he's been enough to get the job done on a remarkably consistent basis.

There's no telling how each QB will practice between now and January 5, of course, but assuming the 3 1/2 weeks are enough for Stanzi to shake any rust off, we don't really expect to see Vandenberg on the field during meaningful play. If he does, something has likely gone very wrong once again, and we are D-U-M-E-D doomed.

Laugh if you must, but these guys are more like you than you want to admit: Um, yikes.


(via the Fanshots)

Our commenters already noticed the Grant-spot in his pile of cash, but did you guys notice that under it were nothing but 20s? So he basically said "Look, I have 330 dollars in my account. I can't make it rain hundreds. We could do three 50s and nine 20s... no, that's only 12 bills. That looks thin. Okay, one 50 and 14 20s. That's 15. That'll look badass probably."

And did they have to shoot it in Cedar Rapids and find some abandoned, flooded-out old building? What are they trying to say about the Hawkeyes here? Sheesh.

You should see the other guy's leg. When Gable passes it through his stool: So Dan Gable has a broken leg. You're probably wondering how he broke it, and it's pretty normal really: some cheating bastard brought a baseball bat in during a blindfolded martial arts tournament. Errr, no, never mind. That's not true.

Gable fell after his foot got caught in one of the cracks between the decking, he said."I can't do too many things that I normally do right now, like shovel snow and all that stuff," Gable said. "So I've got it pretty much made."

I like how they say "the decking" as if we're supposed to know exactly which one they're talking about. "Oh yeah, on Doc Muller's porch! He needs to get that redone, I tell ya."

Have we figured out why "Graham" isn't two syllables? That seems to be the bigger issue: As mentioned yesterday, the Trib split the Silver Football award between Daryll Clark and Brandon Graham. Whether they split the silver football along the seams or straight down the middle is unreported.

Shockingly, Pat Harty disapproves:

The problem with Graham being selected is that Michigan finished just 1-7 in the Big Ten this season, and its defense was terrible at times. A more logical choice would have been Wisconsin defensive end O'Brien Schofield or Penn State defensive tackle Jared Odrick or Iowa linebacker Pat Angerer. Not only did they perform well, but their teams also won 10 games during the regular season. 

It would be different if Michigan had finished 5-3 or 4-4, or even 3-5 in the conference. But it doesn't make sense to have the Big Ten co-MVP come from a team that finished in a tie for last place, especially when there were some other worthy candidates.

We (unwittingly) performed a pre-emptive strike on this line of reasoning during last week's podcast: Here's the deal. Graham was the best player in the BXI this season. He was unblockable. But when 9 or 10 of your fellow defensive players are miserably bad at their job, it's going to mean a long season no matter what. After all, Graham registered 25 tackles for a loss, which is an insane amount. It's still only a hair over two per game. That's maybe enough to swing a few games if the rest of the defense is competent. That wasn't the case, and that wasn't Graham's fault.

QUICK HITZ:

NCAA Tournament to go to 96 teams? Jesus god no. Keep it at 65, and if you want to make any changes, make the play-in game be the last two teams to receive at-large bids rather than two 16-seeds who actually earned an automatic bid. A play-in between two 12-seeds would be so much more entertaining.

Bryan Bulaga fails to live up to hype: As the Hlog notes, casting aside the silliness of the BXI handing him Lineman of the Year, Bulaga didn't really impress scouts a whole lot this season. He's still projected as a first-rounder, but we strongly feel that he needs to come back to Iowa. And never leave. Please don't go. We need you. We miss your musk.

Wait, your productivity hasn't been annihilated yet? Kiss that sucker goodbye: MST3K on Hulu. You're welcome.

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