Scene: A familiar football office. The regular season is over, and the phones have largely stopped ringing, save for bored reporters. The same faces are in the office, but only to put in their minimum of hours for payroll's sake. An aging man stares at a newspaper, bewildered.
THIS CROSSWORD MAKES NO SENSE
THERE IS NO NINE-LETTERED WORD WITH A FIVE AND A DEVIL'S E IN IT
What, that? That's a 3, Dad.
NOT ANOTHER WORD OF YOUR SECULAR NONSENSE, JUNIOR
Sorry, Dad; I didn't mean to denigrate such a great and noble vowel.
I DID MOVE A GREAT AND NOBLE BOWEL THIS WEEKEND
THANKSGIVING WILL DO THAT TO YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT
Ew. Anyway, that isn't even a crossword. You're doing it all wrong.
WHAT IS THIS
That's a sudoku. You put the numbers 1 thr
Sudoku. It's Japanese.
CONFOUND THOSE EAST ASIAN JACKALS
SO LONG AS I'M HEAD HONCHO OF THIS GREAT PROGRAM, I'LL NEVER USE ONE OF THEIR BASTARD WORDS IN MY VOCABULARY
Why don't you read the rest of the paper? Says here Charlie Weis got fired.
And there's going to be a new season of Burn Notice!
WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT
Yeah, I know, slow news day. Wait--Dad, holy crap! Bobby Bowden's retiring!
Why, that must be wonderful news, Mr. Paterno!
Yeah, check it out. So you win! The win record's all yours and nobody's probably ever going to take it.
HOW ABOUT THAT
You... you don't seem all that thrilled.
Are you just more focused on getting the team ready for the bowl? Because that probably makes more sens
GOD DAMN IT, BOBBY
I NEED A DRINK
WHISKEY AND SECRETARY BLOOD
I should go now.
Why aren't you ecstatic, Pops? You spent your entire life chasing and keeping that record. Now you have it. I don't get it.
THAT'S JUST IT
NOW I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO DO
Except coach Penn State football, you mean! Ha, ha, ha!
THIS JOB IS GOING TO BE SO MISERABLE NOW