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The Moustache Project Begins

Hello, folks, OPS here. As a strong proponent of moustaches as an indicator of virility, I've often wondered why the ol' whiskey strainer has worked its way out of American culture over recent years. After all, it's a fixture on the greatest swimmer of his generation, the two best baseball players of our generation (check that, three best), the finest football player of the Super Bowl era, the finest coach of the Super Bowl era, and the best US President of all time (no, no biases here). There is no better mark of greatness. And it must come back to the Iowa basketball team. Fortunately, we're here to help.

Obviously, we can't give moustaches to the entire Iowa basketball team straight away today. That would be a most labor-intensive project, and it'd leave us with nothing to do for the regular season. Clearly, this'll be a season-long feature; after all, this is The Moustache Project, not The Moustache Instance. We've got a long way to go.

All the same, we must start at the top, with the coach--and the youngin' who spent many a night at the same dinner table.

Meetthelicks_medium
YAWWWWN.

That's coach Todd Lickliter and son John Lickliter. Regardless of your opinion of Lickliter's job at the helm of the team thus far, you must surely concede that both father and son must relish this unique opportunity; even if John never sees a single minute of court time, he gets to spend four years next to his father on the bench, watching first-hand as he coaches a major college basketball team. That's got to kick major ass.

All the same, this is the Moustache Project, and there's something disturbingly clean about both of these men's appearances. That needs to be remedied.

At first, we were thinking something like an Errol Flynn Sharpie for the youthful Li'l Lick while his dad went Dignified Belvedere, but you know what? John is clearly his father's son, so if they're going all in, they're doing it together. Thus, we've given them El Full Mexican, after the break.

Star-divide

Loslickliters_medium
BONANZA!

Beyonce, your thoughts?

Upgradeya_medium

Yeah, 'swhat I thought.

You know what makes this picture great? Not only does the 'brero totally the coach's tie, but it also obscures the fact that he's trying not to smile in the picture. Don't worry, Lickliter; no matter how silly you think this photo op might be, rest assured that you look hard as hell with a Mexistache.

Rest assured, more well-placed and ill-conceived moustaches throughout the year. For example, did you know that Matt Gatens is one Hulk Stache away from being Larry Bird? Oh, it'll happen; we're gonna make it happen.

Terrorist fist jab: Nunes for the Beyonce Upgrade pic

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You have just motivated me to follow this basketball team with this one article

I wasn’t planning on following them, but now I will. At least on BHGP.

It looks like John’s moustache is in Mr. Hanky’s handwriting (get it?!)

by Duez I say on Nov 11, 2009 12:38 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Hmmm...

El mustachio (?) looks good on Big Lick, but for Lil’ Lick, I’m thinking more of a 70’s pornstar/Magnum P.I./rapist look would be better.

Regardless, I very much approve of this new feature (both here at BHGP and on the players), and am now officially excited for basketball.

Also, I wish I could grow a moustache. Well, I could, it’d just take like, 8 months. and even then I’d end up looking like Officer Dangle.

by Bucketochicken on Nov 11, 2009 12:57 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

The Spitzstache

The obsession I have for a certain awesome swimmer is due almost entirely to the fact that he competed in a sport where nowadays every conceivable advantage to make oneself less water resistant is taken into account…..and he rocked a fucking moustache. That thing probably created enough drag to add a second to every one of his times and he still held basically every swimming record there was until some bare-lipped cheater stole them all away last year.

Viva la MOUSTACHE!

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 11, 2009 12:58 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Plusss Ten

for my new favorite term of doragatude: Bare-lipped cheater.

Hey Dolph, you look like I need a beer.

by Give Eddie a Beer on Nov 11, 2009 1:38 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

+1

For a Siouxer Rat Reference

by Duez I say on Nov 11, 2009 3:06 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

GALLAMOS!

(I see someone recognized the sombrero.)

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Oops Pow Surprise on Nov 11, 2009 11:28 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

John Lickliter actually played in the exhibition game last Sunday

Extensively. It was every bit as horrifying as you might imagine. All four people in the student section simultaneously yelled out “OHHHHH NOOOOOO” when he checked in the first time. After watching his fourth painfully slow and awkward cross-over attempt, I vowed that if he ever saw meaningful time in a Big Ten game, that I was going to immediately head for the exits in protest. What I am saying is that he is very bad at basketball.

However, if he actually grows a bitchin’ stache, I’m in. I will campaign for him to start, and gleefully cheer as he chucks up airballs from 12 feet away and is posted up by opposing PGs who are at least a foot taller than him. Get on it, Johnny.

by NorseHawk on Nov 11, 2009 1:47 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Giving someone the Full Mexican

Just sounds wrong, like it’s the kind of thing you usually have to pay extra for.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Nov 11, 2009 1:55 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

"I'm not doing any good back here."

by Hawkaloogie on Nov 11, 2009 1:59 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

Aha. Yep, Lil' Lick needs to rock the Porn Star or The Major,

with it slowly evolving into The Trucker over the course of the season.

by Bucketochicken on Nov 11, 2009 2:27 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

The "early" signing period opened today.

Iowa got signed LOI’s from all four of their recruits. All four recruits who would happen to look great rocking the abra kadabra btw.

Pasadena sounded fun, but I'd still settle for Pasadena instead.

by CUNKNNK on Nov 11, 2009 2:10 PM CST reply actions   0 recs

LOI's or LOL's??

"I'm not doing any good back here."

by Hawkaloogie on Nov 11, 2009 5:14 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

It's hard to tell with Iowa basketball

Actually this class is supposed to be pretty decent, so, yay, I guess.

by NorseHawk on Nov 11, 2009 6:11 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

Sure.

But then the best player will transfer after one year, another will have a series of injuries that keeps him on the bench, and at least one of the others will play extremely well for a handful of games and then be inexplicably benched. I think that’s the plan, anyway.

by RossWB on Nov 11, 2009 7:24 PM CST up reply actions   0 recs

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