It's Not Plagiarism If You Link To It Is Running Stairs for Eternity
by Patrick Vint on Oct 6, 2009 10:00 AM CDT
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PrintHe Stole an "I'm With Stupid" Shirt that Pointed at Himself. Joe Slaton, a senior wrestler and possible starter at 133 pounds next season (you'll have to ask RossWB just how likely that second part might be) was arrested Sunday morning for shoplifting from Paul's Discount in Iowa City. For those of you not familiar with the area, Paul's Discount looks like a flea market and sells just about everything; it's basically Farm & Fleet with a more colorful sign. I would say Slaton was caught grabbing a Carhartt jacket, but I always assumed he fashioned his clothing from the hides of other wrestlers he had killed in combat.
I can see the preliminary hearing now: The judge picks up the file, looks at Slaton, and asks, "Aren't you a wrestler for the university?" Slaton responds in the affirmative. The judge looks to the back of the courtroom and sees Tom Brands, teeth clinched, face red, eyes bulging from his head. He wryly chuckles and gives Slaton a small fine, saying, "I can't do anything to top what Brands is going to do to you. We have an Eighth Amendment to follow. He doesn't."
Take it to the Rack, Big Fella! I'm on record saying that there hasn't been a good basketball video game since the original NCAA Basketball on Super Nintendo.* Basketball is an inherently difficult task for a game developer; it's fluid, continuous motion reduced to a static system. There aren't players in set positions who can run specific plays, as in football (they've tried with basketball, and it doesn't work, mostly because players don't seem to understand picks).
So what do you do when you can't improve the quality of the gameplay? You improve the experience. EA Sports' NCAA Basketball '10 will essentially be the same shitty game as NCAA Basketball 2009, only with the greatest announcing duo in the history of videogame sports: Gus Johnson and Bill Raftery. This way, when computer assistance kicks in and Blake Hoffarber goes by three defenders for a layup, Raftery can tell you to pick up the lingerie you left on the court.
* -- Yes, yes, NBA Jam. But NBA Jam was not basketball. NBA Jam is to basketball what Andrew WK is to music.
FUN FACTS! Because there's no action in the two-deeps this week (OMG TONY MOEAKI IS OUT BUT HE STILL COULD PLAY IF HE ISN'T INJURED WHILE PUTTING ON HIS PANTS, sorry), Morehouse uses his Tuesday blogspace to drop some knowledge on you, ho (courtesy of the Iowa Sports Information Department, of course). Quite possibly the most interesting fact of them all, on winning streaks:
The nine-game winning streak is the third for Iowa under Ferentz. Iowa won nine straight in 2002 and the Hawkeyes won their final eight games in 2004 and their opening game in 2005. Iowa has not opened the season with six straight wins since opening the 1985 campaign with seven straight.
Iowa has not gone undefeated in 10 straight games since 1956 and 1957. The Hawkeyes won their final four games in 1956 and the first five games of 1957 before a tie at Michigan. Iowa won the following week over Minnesota before losing at Ohio State. Iowa has not won 10 straight games since winning 20 straight from Nov. 6, 1920 to Oct. 20, 1923. That streak began with a home win over Northwestern and ended with a 9-6 loss to Illinois in the 1923 homecoming contest.
It doesn't feel like an extraordinarily long run, certainly due in part to the fact that there was a nine-month gap in the middle of it, but it's somewhat amazing to think that a win Saturday would continue a winning streak Iowa hasn't surpassed since Nile Kinnick was in short pants.
Footnotes:
- In a single quote on Bryan Bulaga's borderline obsession with keeping him upright, Swingin' Dick Stanzi uses the phrases "hard on" and "that guy touched you." It's the most BHGP quote ever.
- Storminspank looks at the numbers and comes to the only logical conclusion: Tate Forcier is going to suffer.
- Adam Rittenberg pens the obligatory "Iowa is 5-0 stop complaining about how much the coach makes" post.
- Wolverine Liberation Army spew their typical propoganda, but they mention us so we're posting it anyway. We're narcissists.
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Not surprising in the least
that Slaton gets pinched for lifting some earplugs (really, earplugs?) and the Register deems it worthy of an above the fold story in the Sports page today. Player for ISU gets pinched for something about as serious (read: not serious at all), and it isn’t reported at all.
Seriously - a $2 worth of earplugs?
“Fucking dumb” doesn’t even begin to describe that.
As far as whether or not he was going to start — he was definitely in the mix at 133 or 141. Be interesting to see how this affects that. My guess is that he’ll be running a lot of laps and doing a lot of puking for the next few weeks at the very least.
I’d rather spend time in jail than deal with an angry Tom Brands. (Offer also valid for J. Robinson, for homerisms sake.)
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Oct 6, 2009 10:33 AM CDT up reply actions
Disagree about the NBA Jam/Andrew WK comparison
NBA Jam was actually enjoyable.
Brunettes not fighter jets
Andrew WK runs for office on a staunch pro-party platform. He’s the only candidate for the Party Party Party Party.
by Yinka Double Dare on Oct 6, 2009 10:57 AM CDT up reply actions
I fully endorse Andrew WK and all that he stands for.
I check cheddar like a food inspector
by SpanishJohnny on Oct 6, 2009 11:41 AM CDT up reply actions
Anyone catch this gem in the Rittenberg piece?
For the most part, Ferentz doesn’t just get the most out of his players, he gets more.
Set my head a-spinnin’
Brunettes not fighter jets
StubHub Has Seats in My Section (109) for $230 a Copy.
I’m tempted to sell them, convert the cash into ones…and do this.
Wolvie Lib Army
It tries too hard, isn’t funny and seems full of itself. Very appropriate for Michigan.
http://www.rivalryesq.com/
The quintessential Big Ten smoking room.
Give them some credit
The Charlie Weis Thanksgiving game was great
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 6, 2009 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions
oh yeah???
SOUNDS LIKE YOUR MOM
http://www.wolverineliberationarmy.com
by Wolverine_Dex on Oct 6, 2009 1:48 PM CDT up reply actions
Wolvie Lib Army...
Maize is a vegetable. Thanks for the color lesson.
"I'm not doing any good back here."
Paul's Discount
Paul’s Discount is awesome. They won’t carry the most obvious items (I once hunted in vain there for a common model of spark plug), but in the process of looking for the obvious item you’ll find something like an Adrian Peterson Reebok jersey on sale for fifteen bucks.*
And don’t forget the lady at the checkout counter with what sounds like the worst smoker’s cough ever—every time I go there she has to hack in to her hand right before handling my purchases.
And how bad do you have to be at shop-lifting to get caught at Paul’s? I can’t imagine they have much in the way of high tech security—if one wants to buy a salt block or sand bags, their “security” consists of handing you a receipt, and sending you to the back room to stand around un-guarded for a few minutes, right in front of the open back door to the parking lot, until someone brings you your salt block.**
*Actual find
**I actually puchased a salt block in Paul’s. I needed the salt block for deer habitat back in Minnesota, where the use of salt blocks for deer-hunting is not illegal. Thought I should explain all that.
by Midnight Rambler on Oct 6, 2009 12:30 PM CDT reply actions
If it's so damn easy to shoplift there
and the shoplifted item wasn’t worth stealing in the first place…
…was this some sort of dare/hazing? Don’t know why a senior would be trying to pass some hazing initiation, but otherwise it doesn’t add up.
Even Winona Ryder is confused.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 6, 2009 12:39 PM CDT up reply actions
I would have to agree with this:
He doesn’t look like he would be a very smart individual. He will enjoy having Brands’ fist up his ass for the next month before the season really begins
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 6, 2009 1:15 PM CDT up reply actions
Dude,
You show an unnatural fixation with anal-insertion topics. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but not every one of your comments needs to revolve around the following formula: [Noun/body part] + [verb, preferably one cannoting violent action] + up ass. Save it for the important posts. You know, like ones involving ISU or jNW.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
McNutter Butter is actually Jerimiah Hunter
That’s right, Jeremiah, you thought you could fool us with a name referencing Marvin McNutt, but your never-ending desire to jam things up another man’s ass has given you away!
I hope for NorseHawk's sake that this really isn't Jeremiah Hunter
Sleep with one eye open, buddy.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 6, 2009 2:02 PM CDT up reply actions
There's a "brown eye" joke to be made here
But I’m far too classy and refined an individual to stoop to such juvenile levels.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Ashamed of the BHGP faithful.
I set up the freaking brown eye joke and y’all are too sissy to tee off on it. As smokinthereiff would say, 4 shea’m.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 6, 2009 10:33 PM CDT up reply actions
I disagree.
I believe that whenever you are talking about an opponent of Iowa’s or someone who is unusually stupid there should always be a reference to something be shoved up there ass. Just my opinion
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 6, 2009 2:05 PM CDT up reply actions
And just for the record
Not all of my posts talk about a violent action going into someone’s bum. One of my posts about tate the great forcier mentioned hoping someone would knock his own head OUT of his own ass. How that is possible i dont know, but I’m sure clayborn can find a way
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 6, 2009 2:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Brent Metcalf doesn't
exactly looks like a Rhoads scholar, either, and he carried above a 3.5.
Rhoads scholars = outstanding achievment in ill-advised small plane maneuvers.
by Yinka Double Dare on Oct 7, 2009 3:07 PM CDT up reply actions
When my wife and I first started dating, she got me a salt lick of my very own for my birthday.
I never actually licked it, so I still have it.
by Bucketochicken on Oct 6, 2009 1:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh -
I had mentioned to her once how I was way more of a savory guy than a sweet-tooth guy, and I hyperbolically stated that I liked salty foods so much I wanted my own salt lick. So, lo and behold, six or so months later…
She’s pretty cool.
by Bucketochicken on Oct 6, 2009 1:14 PM CDT up reply actions
I'm not much of a basketball fan
But I don’t think there’s been a good basketball game since Atari released Basketbrawl.
Any game that you’re not encouraged to punch the players in the face is worthless.
It never gets to be easy
Best basketball game of all time
NBA Jam aside, is March Madness ’99 for Playstation. Not because the game play was especially good (it, and the graphics, sucked ass), but because Kent McCausland was, inexplicably, the best player in the game. Any shot he took from about halfcourt in was good. It was ridiculous, and hilarious. I regularly put up like 70+ points a game with him, and he became a legend among my group of friends. In one game against a friend, he scored 111 points for me, all on three pointers. Greatest videogame athlete since Tecmo Bo.
NBA2K for Sega Dreamcast
What? You didn’t have a Dreamcast? No shit. Nobody had a fucking Dreamcast.
Anyway, this game ruled. There was an alley-oop button that worked pretty much without fail. Also, Gheorghe Muresan was unstoppable.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 6, 2009 7:43 PM CDT up reply actions
That was my first thought, too.
That was the first of the “new” generation basketball games. The graphics were better than anything before, the play was much better and fluid, and Vince Carter could win games by himself. Yeah, it wasn’t realistic, but what I liked about it is that after about 1 quarter, any of my friends could play competitively. Fun times.
People should remember that while they have the right to their opinion, they are not entitled to be taken seriously. --Bruce Bartlett
Dude, I got caught stealing at Paul's Discount too.
Seriously. I was 16, though. Back when stealing was allowed.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 6, 2009 7:54 PM CDT reply actions
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