The season of "f--k you, we're Iowa."
by fossilhawk on Oct 29, 2009 3:31 PM CDT
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Print[Pardon the censorship, but obscenities in the headlines can set off peoples' filters, especially at work. In the text is still fine. Just so y'all know.--OPS]
Yes, I know, I usually just caption pictures instead of actually writing things. But this article inspired me:
http://ncaafootball.fanhouse.com/2009/10/29/pickin-on-the-big-ten-iowa-isnt-concerned-about-your-scorn/
I think there's a little bit of truth to this. People from outside the Midwest look at Iowa and see an out-of-the-way backwater. We don't have glittering buildings, megamalls, flash, or eighty-degree winters. We don't beat the pants off of grossly overmatched opponents at night, and we don't have glitzy superstars running the latest faddish offensive systems. And because of that, people ask us "Why do you live in such a hellhole?" People tell us, "Your team won't beat Penn State, Wisconsin and Michigan State on the road." And maybe, like this article says, we'll respond with a little self-deprecating humor or a cute joke about how cold our winters are or what days to avoid being downwind of the hog lot.
But you and I both know that deep down, there's a part of us that wants to tell those people, "Fuck you."
Because we know what we've got here. We've got great colleges and universities. We may not have glitzy buildings or the megamalls or any of that, but we also know that we don't need extraneous crap like that to live and thrive. We've got a quarterback with balls of stainless steel, an eleven-headed terror-monster of a defense, and 85 football players led by a coach who never cashes in when the cards are down.
And you can see that attitude just about everywhere you look these days. For every person who makes a corn joke, there's a farmer saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sweep of his combine and every shipment of corn he sends out to the jokesters. For every Jesse Palmer who says the Boises and TCUs should be rated ahead of us, there's a Clayborn saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bone-jarring hit they lay on a quarterback or a Sash saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bitchmaking pick. For every "expert" who says we have offensive problems, there's a Stanzi saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every game-winning drive. And for every brilliant superstar that the other teams have, there's a team at Kinnick saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sixty minutes or six seconds they play.
So in the coming weeks, every time you see or hear a stale Iowa joke cracked (you will) or read about some expert saying Iowa's not good enough (you will), just smile and let yourself think what our team and everyone else in this great state will think:
"Fuck you, we're Iowa."
That is all.
Unless otherwise expressly indicated by BHGP editors, this FanPost is strictly the viewpoint of the author and is not endorsed by BHGP in any way.
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Nice work fossilhawk--I totally agree
Even though I live in SD now, where the winters are colder and the universities are smaller.
by Kinnick Stadium is my Graceland on Oct 29, 2009 4:10 PM CDT reply actions
Man, I needed that.
I could have used this post even more when I first left Iowa. It took me way too long to figure out I should say, “fuck you, we’re Iowa”.
by Chuck Long Duk Dong on Oct 29, 2009 4:17 PM CDT reply actions
Fuck Wisconsin
ALthough madison
And you can take that to the bank.
by Hawkeye X on Oct 29, 2009 5:34 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Is nice
And you can take that to the bank.
by Hawkeye X on Oct 29, 2009 5:34 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions
Yeah, fuck UW.
Madison is nice. I had a harder time dealing with being Iowan on the east coast.
by Chuck Long Duk Dong on Oct 29, 2009 8:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Holy Shit
You couldn’t have hit that one any more square! Every thought that has ever run through my mind in relation to this you just nailed. Much applause on this post, one of the better I have read since being on here.
Also, “eleven-headed terror-monster of a defense”, PERFECT! haha i really appreciated that one! Good Work and Go Hawks!!
“6 seconds of hell”
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
Bravo!
When I was living in Council Bluffs and going to school/working with a bunch of entitled fucking yuppy spawn in Omaha, or dealing with various other douchetards from other places that just don’t get it, there were countless times when I just wanted to scream “Fuck you, we’re Iowa!” in their faces.
Great post, and I for one will gladly give my little smirk, make a joke about corn and continue to think “Fuck you, we’re Iowa” wherever I end up for the rest of my life.
ANF Stickers
That’s why I love that KF resurrected the ANF stickers. It says to the rest of the country (particularly the SEC), “yeah, we’re a bunch of thick-ankled, slow, backwoods yokels, but once we’re done beating your asses we’ll feed you afterwards.”
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on Oct 29, 2009 5:03 PM CDT reply actions
I SOOOO want to see Adrian Clayborn sack Jesse Palmer
And let me say this right now because it’s a little secret that we have all been afraid to admit we know – those ANF stickers are responsible for the 2009 team’s success.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 29, 2009 5:27 PM CDT up reply actions
Seriously one of the best posts yet.
That almost gave me chills. And not in the way you are thinking….
I think ANF means
America Needs a Fuck you, we’re iowa.
(Iowa is lower case because that is how we are perceived)
Everybody wants a little milk of Michael
Very Well Said
I live in Madison (actually just outside) and I love wearing my Iowa stuff out and about. Now every time I get a cross look or a stupid comment I know exactly what to say (or think, depending on the circumstances.
fyi -
We have an I-Club in Madison. Safety in numbers, my friend.
by Chuck Long Duk Dong on Oct 29, 2009 8:24 PM CDT up reply actions
It's ironic
that because Iowa feels no need to “prove themselves” to the world (both on the field and in general), that is how Iowa will end up proving themselves to the world.
Actions speak louder than words, bitches!
And now
this will be the thing I yell the next time I get belligerent.
by With Ferentz Like These... on Oct 29, 2009 7:59 PM CDT reply actions
Good shit here
My wife gives me hell for the way I get defensive whenever anything Iowa is brought up (sans Iowa State, of course). But I am very proud of where I’m from and the longer I’m away from Iowa, the more I appreciate the state for what it is. People from Iowa realize who we are as people, what we have and don’t have and what everyone who isn’t from Iowa thinks we are.
I think we all know the stereotypes out there; I’ve had co-workers of mine legitimately ask if we drove cars or “farm machinery” to school growing up (I’m from Des Moines). I know that the media isn’t basing their negative opinions about this team on retarded stereotypes, but I would be naive to think that they also believe great football can be played in this state.
So yeah, I understand you when you want to tell everyone “Fuck yeah, we’re Iowa.”
by Twin Cities Hawk on Oct 29, 2009 8:02 PM CDT reply actions
Hear, hear!
I live in northern VA. I get that shit all the same shit all the time (but I’m from SE Iowa where the FFA actually drove their tractors into school once a year). As Jay once said “fuck those fucking fucks, Silent Bob.”
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 29, 2009 8:29 PM CDT up reply actions
SE Iowa WHAT WHAT
Our FFA did that too.
No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Oct 29, 2009 9:06 PM CDT up reply actions
As did I
In north central iowa
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 30, 2009 11:04 AM CDT up reply actions
SW? I figured with a screenname like...
…MP hawkfan that you were from Mt. Pleasant and could give us the downlow on Jordon Cotton’s little bro and Henry Krieger-Coble as potential future Hawk studs.
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 30, 2009 12:09 PM CDT up reply actions
Kowolski
HKC (see above) is Jess Settles’ first cousin…
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 30, 2009 12:09 PM CDT up reply actions
I am, and can
But I grew up in Elk Horn, IA. As for Cotton’s little bro, he’s good but not as good. Big Hank’s phenomal and terrifies other teams, but was on the shelf with a high ankle sprain for most of the season.
Thanks for the update...
I was back in town for a couple of Fridays this year, but missed the games… Is Big Hank still a Hawk prospect (in any sport)? From what a classmate (who makes it to all of the home games) told me, HKC has good speed, great hands, and a big frame. Possible TE?
KOK, you might be a genius...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Nov 2, 2009 10:18 AM CST up reply actions
Definitely a possible tight end.
He has great hands and a really good ability to go up in the air and make a play abover the defenders’ heads. He’s also strong and absolutely relentless in blocking.
Cosign, forever.
And Fossil, thank for your outstanding post.
We are Iowa.
Fuck you.
by Bucketochicken on Oct 29, 2009 9:28 PM CDT up reply actions
More than any other year
I think this Hawkeye team has embraced the words of a song we all know…
Fight! Fight! Fight! for Iowa, until the game is WON!
Can we make this a defining cheer?
You know like the we are Marshall or Penn shhhhtaate thing? I think hearing the cheers of, “fuck you, we’re Iowa” coming over the nations tvs would be priceless. And as a bonus might drive zombie Lou holtsh or Jesse Palmer insane.
Everybody wants a little milk of Michael
by Dr Feelgood on Oct 30, 2009 12:47 AM CDT via mobile reply actions
Amen, Brother!
Fan-fucking-tastic. I’m imagining that on a big sign bouncing up and down behind Corso as he picks Indiana to win this weekend.
Fossilhawk
You put out great stuff. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking all year. Good post.
by Pain in the Sash on Oct 30, 2009 7:21 AM CDT reply actions
This might be fitting for us
I heard this on the radio comparing the Phillies to the Yankees…
A champion team will always beat a team of champions
Fantastic
I’ve been away from Iowa for two and a half years now. I still get weird looks when people ask me where I’m from. Only those who have lived outside of the state actually understand how demeaning people can be. I’ve been asked if I’ve ever seen the ocean (they assume since we clearly do not have cars, we have not traveled outside of the state). And, as this article mentions, in self-deprecating fashion, have told people that we didn’t get the internet until 2006 – and they believed me.
For every blathering SEC idiot. For every “Virginia Tech is SOOO good” conversation (my fiance is from Tech, and while I wish no ill on the Hokies, sometimes it gets tiring). For every ESPN announcer who consistently degrades our conference. Fuck you, we’re Iowa.
Go ahead, Corso. Pick against Iowa again for the fourth week in a row. We’ll just prove to you, and all the doubters out there, that WE’RE IOWA and this is our year.
Great comment
Since I believe that brain matter slowly seeps from my ears each time I watch Gameday, I didn’t know that Corso has picked against Iowa for the better part of our Big Ten schedule.
If only I had the skills to put “BITCHMADE” across this:
by Twin Cities Hawk on Oct 30, 2009 8:50 AM CDT up reply actions
Here you go
I had to take liberties with this one a little to match the split screen.
I like turtles.
With all due respect to your fiance'
FUCK TECH! I’ve lived in DC/Virginia since college, 14+ years. And if there’s one thing I’ve come to despise, it’s the undue love given the team from Blacksburg. No team has gone farther and gotten more media love based on one season and one game (FSU 2000) where they got destroyed than the Fightin’ Gobblers.
The biggest problem I have with Tech is they are rather similiar to Iowa, but while VATech gets media love and every blemish excused away, Iowa is always one loss away from being dismissed. In the media’s eyes, Tech can do no wrong, while we can do no right. Fuck you, we’re Iowa.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Agreed 1000%
I watched that UNC / tech game last night, and was getting roid rage listening to Jesse fucking Palmer verbally jerk off over how fun it was to watch the Tech defense. What’s the difference between Tech’s way of winning and Iowa’s? Oh yeah – Iowa actually win the close games. With their defense. And goal line stands. And guys not fumbling when the game is on the line. At home.
Douchebag.
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 30, 2009 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions
ACC
What do you expect?
DO YOU HAVE PRIDE, DANNY?
by ReadingRambler on Oct 30, 2009 2:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Palmer
1. Couldn’t cut it as a football player.
2. Couldn’t cut it as a reality tv star.
3. Magically appears on ESPN as an “expert” (gotta love that ESPN-ABC synergy)
So, the short answer is: God only knows. It obviously isn’t because he brings any skill, insight or knowledge to the job. Does have great hair, though, and that’s important.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Well put
Between you and this post in general you have changed my thinking on this season. While it is a small change, it is significant to me. I have just gone from “One more week, one more win because this team refuses to lose in spite of every thing” to “One more week, one more win because this is OUR YEAR, and anyone that stands in our way will go down.” Because, this year more than ever, FUCK YOU, WE ARE IOWA.
by shada's revenge on Oct 30, 2009 6:57 PM CDT up reply actions
I want this
On a sign bouncing up and down behind Corso on Gameday. PLEASE
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 30, 2009 11:07 AM CDT up reply actions
Me too.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 30, 2009 11:08 AM CDT up reply actions
Maybe it is Neal Diamond
I mean, have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Did he?
It looks to me like he just got done singing “America”
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 30, 2009 1:05 PM CDT up reply actions
I thought it was
the neighbor from That 70s Show
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Oct 30, 2009 5:53 PM CDT up reply actions
He looks like he shit his pants
Literally. Funny!
by Leftcoast Hawk on Oct 30, 2009 1:17 PM CDT up reply actions
Nice
but I think his wife found out he was cheating on her and left his ass.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 30, 2009 2:12 PM CDT up reply actions
FOSSIL HAWK
Read this when I woke up and thought, wow, wish I’d written that, re-read it and it has resonated through out the day. Started to e-mail it to other Hawk buddies who aren’t aware of BHGP, then thought, WTF, I’ll fire off a copy to “Rankman” aka LA Times Sports Writer Chris Dufresne, who’s always dissing the Hawks. Should be hitting his computer screen right about now. Thanks for saying it out loud, FossilHawk. Someone had to.
The funny thing is...
Though I am an Iowa fan and a born-and-bred Iowan (Carroll, insert Metrodome bathroom joke here) I lived in Northwest Missouri and the KC area for 7 years. I can’t count the number of times someone would try to degrade or insult me for being from Iowa. And then when I fired back about how much Missouri (or Misery as I called it, change the emphasis on the syllables, yo) sucked, without fail, they would say “Why are Iowans so proud to be from Iowa,” or “what do Iowans have that make them so much better than everyone?”. I would smile, try not to punch them, and explain that we have (had?) great schools, some of the smartest students, relied on ourselves an each other for everything, had some decent sized cities with some fun shit to do, etc. Now I have a much better answer, “Fuck you, we’re Iowa.”
And if I get told that Iowa stands for Idiots Out Wandering About, I am going to just lose it.
by shada's revenge on Oct 30, 2009 7:05 PM CDT reply actions
Fuck, rambling rant fail
And if I get told that Iowa stands for Idiots Out Wandering About,
should have said “one more time”.
by shada's revenge on Oct 30, 2009 7:07 PM CDT up reply actions
There is an old joke
or maybe it’s not old, maybe it’s new…whatever, it’s old to me. Anyway….
The joke is that what would happen if Missouri were to annex the southern two tiers of counties in Iowa?
.
.
.
.
.
The literacy rates of both states would improve!
/rimshot
/I’ll be here all night
/try the fish
by TarHeelHawk on Oct 30, 2009 10:26 PM CDT up reply actions
Hey shada, Carroll guy here myself.
Graduated from CHS in the late 80s and from the U of I in 1993. The Lois Feldman jokes have indeed come my way in the last year. Further, I was at the dome that night.
Good to see the West Central Iowans represent. And to fossil, you nailed it. I live in Minnesota, and have had people offer everything from derision to sympathy when I tell them I’m a born and raised Iowan. They don’t get it and that’s fine. Fuck them, we’re Iowa.
by DonnyDonovan on Oct 30, 2009 8:20 PM CDT up reply actions
about kc.....
lived there for 3 years and every time i said i’m from iowa i got confused looks. seriously ITS THE FUCKING STATE ON YOUR NORTHERN BORDER YOU NON MAP—READING FUCKS!!! fyi the OP in Overland Park is awesome balls to watch a game
I agree 100%, Gustav.
But parts of KC are probably full of transplants who are only there for their job/spouse, not to study the local geography.
I, too, watched some sports at the Overland Park Other Place, and it is a great place. I watched Drake lose their NCAA tournament game in 2008, amidst a bunch of Kansas fans. If I remember, there are plenty of TVs in that place, and it feels like an old-school bar in that it is not chopped up into different sections/party rooms/wings of the building (like nearly all the OPs in the Waterloo, Iowa area).
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Nov 1, 2009 8:57 AM CST up reply actions
This is truly a great article and I HAVE to link it to FB so others can see the truth. I went to school in Chicago for a year and got all hell for being from Iowa (southcentral), especially from Michiganders. I now hate nearly anything that has to do with Michigan and/or it’s people. My sister lives in DC and still tells people she is from Iowa.
Can we get some photoshop action on this?
Fuck you, We’re IOWA!
I don't currently fly...
flags on my house. But that flag might just change my mind. Does Menard’s sell them?
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Oct 31, 2009 12:01 AM CDT up reply actions
I was going to put the whole phrase in their but I didn’t want to displease Nile.
by HawkeyeRecon on Oct 31, 2009 12:25 AM CDT up reply actions
Totally agree
I’m at grad school at Purdue now (yes, it is a big mistake on all aspects). I am getting tired of the excessive amount of crap from anyone else midwestern I get for being from Iowa. Guess what folks:
•Illinois – Chicago = sucketh
•Minnesota – Minneapolis = cold sucketh
•Nebraska – Omaha – Lincoln = flat sucketh
•Wisconsin – Madison – Milwaukee = Eastern Minnesota with cheese and beer
•Michigan – Detroit area = Far eastern Minnesota with blueberries and cherries and fruit wine
•Missouri – KC – St. Lou = dueling banjos sucketh
•Ohio = Too close to mouth-breathing Appalachians for me.
•Indiana = From what I can tell, it’s about 10-15 years behind the time. Seriously. With handguns.
Every time someone tries to claim that Indiana and Iowa are comparable, instead of my, “No we have actual liberals in our liberal cities,” I think I’m just going to use, “Fuck you, we’re Iowa.”
Go Hawks!
Indiana
Gross. I hate it there.
10-15 years is pretty generous, IMO…
by Bucketochicken on Nov 1, 2009 12:22 PM CST up reply actions
I have never feared more for my life...
than the time when my family and I spent the night in a cheap motel in the sticks in Indiana. I am spending all night trying to fall asleep, but everytime I am close to doing so, I think I hear the Deliverance banjo music.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Nov 1, 2009 12:36 PM CST up reply actions
I lived in Indy for 2 1/2 years
Its the most Southern Northern state, politically and statistically.
Do not drop the soap in the shower there.
by Leftcoast Hawk on Nov 2, 2009 11:18 PM CST up reply actions
Wonderful, Tigger.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
I don't know if you can still get one,
but there was a t-shirt available a million years ago when I went to Iowa. It read “University of Iowa.” Next line read, “Idaho City, Ohio”
To this day, out here in La La Land, when I mention I’m from Iowa the comment back always has something to do with potatoes, blue astro turf, buckeyes or tires.
No, I reply, Iowa. As in, Fuck you. We’re Iowa.
I loved that shirt
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Nov 1, 2009 10:34 AM CST up reply actions
I remember those!
I really, really wanted one of them at one time! I’ve never gotten any of those comments luckily.
The one and hopefully only time I was in Texas, one of those assholes had the nerve to say they drove across Iowa once, truly hated it, and never wanted to see it again. I replied that those were my sentiments regarding Texas.
If “FUWI” had been a catch phrase back then, I think I would have employed it like a thousand times.
Bored, driving across Iowa!?!
Have you ever driven across Texas!?! It’s like being adrift at sea. Its like for six hours you could scream, “FUCK YOU! WE’RE IOWA!” and NObody would hear you.
I know!
I have no clue how they thought Iowa was a boring drive!?! It’s not like going across Nebraska or the I-35 Kansas Turnpike. And yes, driving across Texas was awful. We did Norman, OK, to San Antonio in much less than 12 hours.
I live here. I like Dallas a lot (no flak from the peanut gallery) but driving in this state is turrrrible. It’s so fucking large it takes forever to get out. Ugh. Anywho, Iowa is actually somewhat well regarded in Dallas because of Hayden coaching at both SMU and N Texas. Otherwise, when I say where I’m from it’s a conversation killer 99% of the time. Blank stares and nuthin’.
East and central isn't so bad
Honestly, the Texarkana-to-Dallas-to-Austin stretch is a lot less boring than, say, Illinois south of I-80.
I-10 west of San Antonio, though …
moar funny pictures
Always liked this picture of Tim Dwight, it looks like he’s coldcocking the Arizona punt returner.
Excellent Work, Everyone.
If I were in your position, I’d be screaming “FUCK YOU, WE’RE IOWA” from the top of a tall building. Take it if they won’t give it to you.
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Nov 1, 2009 1:22 PM CST reply actions
Awesome post, Fossil.
I’ll keep this one in the arsenal as long as I live.
/O'keefe'd
by Smokin Herb Grigbsy on Nov 2, 2009 7:09 PM CST reply actions
Fantastic post!
I’ve been watching from the sidelines of this site for a long time, but this made me have to jump into the fray. Being stuck in the middle of SEC country down here in Tennessee, you have no idea how many times I have wanted to scream this.
I’m actually thinking about changing my work email footer from “Regards,” to “Fuck you, we’re Iowa” for the rest of the year.
by Great taste, Les Jepsen on Nov 2, 2009 8:45 PM CST reply actions
55555 (n/t)
KOK, you might be a genius...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Nov 2, 2009 8:47 PM CST up reply actions
Simply point out the SEC football graduation rates...
Which, for the most part, are abysmal. Iowa and PSU are right up there with the highest rates nationally for the “big schools”.
by Leftcoast Hawk on Nov 2, 2009 11:19 PM CST up reply actions
Just an incredible article.
I am going to practice it on the SEC fuckheads here in Georgia every chance I get.
Dude, seriously,
Reading this sent chills down my spine … the good ones. Well done sir, take a bow.
No it's not
I think it’s some goldfinches suckling on Herky. I know they’re the state bird, but gross.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Bananas?
1. Those aren’t bananas…he’s just happy to see you!
2. Just getting a step up on the Banana Bowl Design… (Story Below)
As the Hawks have been playing “prove it” football all season, they have received much attention from Bowl Committee Representatives with each victory. It is a well know fact that each representative must announce his/her presence prior to any event they attend to allow the football coaching staff to “calm” their players prior to seeing the Bowl Reps at the game.
Since Kirk has been around this situation before, he has the uncanny ability to sense who the Bowl Reps are based on one simple question he asks them upon meeting them… “Who do you think we’ll be playing this January?”. For years, Kirk would just blurt out…“You’re Fiesta”, or “You’re Outback”, but now with so much more happening for these Hawkeyes… he has resorted to distinguishing between two…" You’re BC" or “You’re BANANAS…FUWI”!
That is really a wadded up Talon Fist ;)
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