[Pardon the censorship, but obscenities in the headlines can set off peoples' filters, especially at work. In the text is still fine. Just so y'all know.--OPS]
Yes, I know, I usually just caption pictures instead of actually writing things. But this article inspired me:
I think there's a little bit of truth to this. People from outside the Midwest look at Iowa and see an out-of-the-way backwater. We don't have glittering buildings, megamalls, flash, or eighty-degree winters. We don't beat the pants off of grossly overmatched opponents at night, and we don't have glitzy superstars running the latest faddish offensive systems. And because of that, people ask us "Why do you live in such a hellhole?" People tell us, "Your team won't beat Penn State, Wisconsin and Michigan State on the road." And maybe, like this article says, we'll respond with a little self-deprecating humor or a cute joke about how cold our winters are or what days to avoid being downwind of the hog lot.
But you and I both know that deep down, there's a part of us that wants to tell those people, "Fuck you."
Because we know what we've got here. We've got great colleges and universities. We may not have glitzy buildings or the megamalls or any of that, but we also know that we don't need extraneous crap like that to live and thrive. We've got a quarterback with balls of stainless steel, an eleven-headed terror-monster of a defense, and 85 football players led by a coach who never cashes in when the cards are down.
And you can see that attitude just about everywhere you look these days. For every person who makes a corn joke, there's a farmer saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sweep of his combine and every shipment of corn he sends out to the jokesters. For every Jesse Palmer who says the Boises and TCUs should be rated ahead of us, there's a Clayborn saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bone-jarring hit they lay on a quarterback or a Sash saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every bitchmaking pick. For every "expert" who says we have offensive problems, there's a Stanzi saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every game-winning drive. And for every brilliant superstar that the other teams have, there's a team at Kinnick saying "Fuck you, we're Iowa" with every sixty minutes or six seconds they play.
So in the coming weeks, every time you see or hear a stale Iowa joke cracked (you will) or read about some expert saying Iowa's not good enough (you will), just smile and let yourself think what our team and everyone else in this great state will think:
"Fuck you, we're Iowa."
That is all.