Top 10 Reasons Iowa Will Lose to Indiana
[Bumped, of course. Hope we win another game this season. :-( --OPS]
10. A History of Violence. When you play smash mouth football you're bound to eventually get your mouth smashed. In the Michigan State Spartans Iowa finally found their equal, a team that could match them punch for punch. While the Hawkeyes won in East Lansing they lost plenty in the process. They're a wounded squad now and one has to wonder if they have enough to keep on fighting. Smart money says no. Look for them to throw in the towel around the end of the third round, er, quarter to the Rocky Balboa-esque Hoosiers this Saturday.
9. Hoosiers. In arguably the best sports movie ever made, Gene Hackman's Norman Dale lays out the blueprint for how to take down a giant. "And David put his hand in the bag and took out a stone and slung it..." I think you all know where this is going.
8. Chappell Show. No one will be laughing when Indiana quarterback Ben Chappell makes funny ha ha at Iowa's expense. Yeah, you think I'm joking? Well, you do know that Chappell is outperforming Stanzi in nearly every statistical category thus far, right? Expect Stanzi and Co. to get lots of Hawkeye heckling this Saturday.
7. Breaking Away. Last week Ray Fisher ran back his second kickoff of the season against Northwestern. Fisher leads the Big Ten and ranks fourth nationally averaging 38.1 yards per kick return. What's even more worrisome is that Fisher has at least one 40-yard return in five of the last six games. Of course this is very bad news for Iowa's leisurely kickoff defense that covers kickoffs with all the urgency of an airport rental car agent. Don't be surprised to see Fisher run one back...untouched.
6. Backfield in Motion. When your main guys in the backfield were, a year ago, shopping for tuxes for the Junior-Senior Prom, you're probably in trouble. Adam Robinson is out for several weeks with an ankle injury so enter the third or fourth man in (I've lost count), Brad Rogers. Ferentz tried to put a brave face on the deteriorating RB situation by lauding Rogers' potential value, but he let slip that the rotund Rogers started his Hawkeye career by choosing not to wait for his first year to actually put on his Freshman 15. If you see Rogers on Saturday it can only mean this.
5. A Cause Célèbre. Even James Dean (born in Marion, Indiana as it happens) would be with the program at this point. Unless and until DJK gets with it, he's tearing us apart.
4. My Name is Bill L. His Athletic Director loves him. ESPN analyst and former Indiana coach Lee Corso loves him (hired him to coach QBs when Corso made pit stop years ago in USFL). Former Indiana Coach Bill Mallory loves him (and that guy is so passionate he'll go into an opposing locker room after losing and scold his opponent to play better next time). But most importantly, the fans love him and the students love him. Expect all that love to be too much for the Hawkeyes to overcome on Saturday, as just the mere presence of Lynch on the sidelines is enough to lead Indiana to a victory.
3. Eerie, Indiana. Be afraid, be very freaking afraid. Look, as it is, bad things happen when Iowa plays a so-called inferior opponent at home...playing one on Halloween? Crawl under the sheets, cover your eyes, and say your prayers. And for God sake, DON'T ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR! When Indiana comes knocking this Saturday just know that they've beaten Iowa in two of the last three games, and that includes a 38-20 romp over the Hawkeyes in Kinnick in 2007. When evil lurks outside those trapped on the inside start to turn on each other. Do not go to Kinnick this Saturday. You've been warned.
2. Letterman. Born in Indianapolis and responsible for the popularization of the remarkably overused and abused top ten list, David Letterman is a full-blooded Hoosier. Given the precarious nature of this weekends tilt, his lineage to the state of Indiana and the feebleness of this list might make all the difference in the world this weekend. Or not.
1. Brandon Wegher. Need I say more?
1 recs |
100 comments
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Comments
I'll be the first to admit...
We’re fucked.
Brunettes not fighter jets
by rockyh on Oct 29, 2009 10:49 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're basically just presenting at this point.
Which is to say, you know… fucked, and so on and so forth.
by Bucketochicken on Oct 29, 2009 11:02 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Tossed salad fucked
i don't wife em...i one night em
by smokinthereiff on Oct 29, 2009 11:18 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Letterman's employees fucked
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 29, 2009 11:29 AM CDT reply actions 1 recs
nyce
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 29, 2009 11:35 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Channel 2 News Team fucked...
Even if we are led into battle by Dorothy Mantooth herself.
Black and Gold Blood: Cubbie Blue Heart
by MissouriHawk on Oct 29, 2009 11:45 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
So fucked
Moeaki may get killed by a trident
Iowa Basketball: We don't rebuild, we implode.
by three and out the kok story on Oct 29, 2009 2:52 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ben Chappell
Where did you get that grenade?
by shada's revenge on Oct 29, 2009 5:04 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
DOROTHY MANTOOTH IS A SAINT!
i don't wife em...i one night em
by smokinthereiff on Oct 29, 2009 4:43 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Fucked
Fucking Utterly and com-fucking-pletely fucking fucked like fucking fuckers.
I have occupational turrettes... My job makes me swear uncontrolably at everyone.
by Ioweegin on Oct 29, 2009 11:42 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Take notes...
…this is how it’s supposed to be done.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 29, 2009 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Well...
It certainly illustrates the diversity of the word.
by With Ferentz Like These... on Oct 29, 2009 2:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Phucked
So bad I had to spell it with a PH. that’s bad.
by Pain in the Sash on Oct 29, 2009 11:53 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I thought you meant...
…fucked like a Tai island in a tsunami.
by Eyeheartfreedumb on Oct 29, 2009 2:45 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
PH ucked..as in Pat Harty fucked?
That IS fucked……
Hawks....yup, I like 'em
by Rozhawkfan on Oct 29, 2009 4:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Brilliant!
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 29, 2009 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Drunk sophmore at the Senior Prom fucked.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 29, 2009 12:20 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
So, you are suggesting we are fucked as in...
Old Testament, real wrath of God type fucked. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies fucked! Rivers and seas boiling fucked. Forty years of darkness fucked!
Earthquakes, volcanoes fucked! The dead rising from the grave fucked! Human sacrifice fucked, dogs and cats living together fucked!
Mass fucking hysteria….fucked!
Yeah, I can see that.
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 29, 2009 1:14 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Clinton White House chubby intern fucked
It’ll be all over the news and someone will get a stained dress.
Brunettes not fighter jets
by rockyh on Oct 29, 2009 12:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Fucked Harder Than 8 Guys Blowing 9 Guys
I will haunt your dreams and eat your children.
by Dr. Hawk on Oct 29, 2009 1:21 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
JC6 at Penn State fucked
We can evade reality, but we cannot evade the consequences of evading reality
by Ragnar Danneskjold on Oct 29, 2009 1:30 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
Speaking of JC6
Will he get to fuck us next year?
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 29, 2009 1:40 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Seriously, I'm fucking worried.
Not kidding.
by Hawkeyes on Oct 29, 2009 1:38 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Really fucked
Like a fence post wrapped in barb wire fucked
by Jilogethan on Oct 29, 2009 2:00 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
In Soviet Russia,
ah, fuck it, we’re fucked… (I was going to say something like “we’re fucks YOU!” but that it did really roll off the keyboard like I wanted it to… Not bad for my first post!)
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 29, 2009 2:03 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We are fucked
But we are going to keep fucking that chicken
Iowa Basketball: We don't rebuild, we implode.
by three and out the kok story on Oct 29, 2009 2:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Oh god...
Do I click the link or don’t I?…
by Bucketochicken on Oct 29, 2009 2:17 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yes, yes you do
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 29, 2009 2:36 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dear lord, I didn't think of the possiblities
SFW (I think) with low volume.
Iowa Basketball: We don't rebuild, we implode.
by three and out the kok story on Oct 29, 2009 2:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
The look on the woman anchor's face
Fucking classic. And even she knows that we are ten dicks in the ass fucked.
by Imustbreakyou on Oct 29, 2009 3:23 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
This might be...
slightly inappropriate, but she LOOKS like she’s got a dick up her ass. And, yes, we are still fucked.
by Zulu on Oct 29, 2009 3:28 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Like a drunk chick at a frat party
We’re fucked!
by MP hawkfan on Oct 29, 2009 2:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Fuck flavored fuck dipped in fuck....
…sauteed in a nice fuck sauce
by zimmybuffett on Oct 29, 2009 2:24 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Jimmy Chipwood Fucked...
Like a threesome with Gene Hackman and Dennis Hopper
by Wegher Please! on Oct 29, 2009 2:25 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 0 recs
Nerdy accountant doing time in San Quentin fucked.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 29, 2009 2:36 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
link fail
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQXG6FwDKCg
/O'keefe'd
by Smokin Herb Grigbsy on Oct 29, 2009 2:41 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Like James Dean at Rock Hudson's Birthday Party Fucked...
You didn’t think that little Hoosier got to the top on talent alone, d’ya?
by Zulu on Oct 29, 2009 2:51 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're fucked
like Marisa Tomei in Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead
by Duez I say on Oct 29, 2009 3:46 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Jennifer Connelly
in Requiem for a Dream fucked.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 29, 2009 4:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Soooooo Hottttttttt
Want to touch the heiney
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 29, 2009 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
I've had...
lunch with her. She’s even hotter up close.
by Zulu on Oct 29, 2009 6:44 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Is Zulu fucking Ashton Kutcher or something?
Nah, probably Tom Arnold
by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Oct 29, 2009 8:04 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Demi would be upset
if Zulu were fucking Ashton.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Oct 30, 2009 11:10 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
We are steve Martin
In Planes Trains and Automobiles no rental car or rental car agreement fucked!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3a7ATwS6-A&feature=youtube_gdata
Everybody wants a little milk of Michael
by Dr Feelgood on Oct 29, 2009 4:03 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 0 recs
We are Titanic vs. iceberg fucked.
by Stay thirsty, my friends. on Oct 29, 2009 4:05 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're fucked
like the Tampa Bay Bucs. No, seriously, take a look at them. We are that fucked.
by TAMPAHAWK on Oct 29, 2009 4:10 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
we"re fucked like having the
Tennessee Titans Defense on your Fantasy League team vs. the Pats kinda_fucked
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
by pfac51 on Oct 29, 2009 9:39 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
Kid who says "I'll be right back" in a horror film fucked.
Alternatively, the slutty couple having sex away from the group. First, we’re fucked, then we’re really fucked.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 29, 2009 4:28 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Totally fucked
We’re coke whore visiting Christian Slater fucked.
by Guancous on Oct 29, 2009 4:50 PM CDT via mobile reply actions 0 recs
We are Bruce Willis in Pulp Fiction fucked
by ChryslerKinnick on Oct 29, 2009 5:07 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I think you mean
Ving Rames fucked
by shada's revenge on Oct 29, 2009 5:12 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
That’s Butch and Marcellus Wallace fucked, but we’re as fucked as Zed.
by txhawkeye on Oct 29, 2009 6:26 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
We're John Travolta
Taking a dump in the toilet of the man he was sent to kill fucked
by shada's revenge on Oct 29, 2009 6:58 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ok Ok
So I know everything about the movie except character names. I got it. Well played though.
by shada's revenge on Oct 29, 2009 7:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
No no, that was only amusing myself, clothed.
by txhawkeye on Oct 29, 2009 10:27 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
My first reaction
Was to laugh. I couldn’t remember his name for the life of me. I wasn’t offended in anyway, fyi.
by shada's revenge on Oct 30, 2009 6:52 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Zed"s fucked...he's dead
just like us if we continue on the Paki-bomb path
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
by pfac51 on Oct 29, 2009 9:31 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
Fucked
We’re Paris Hilton night-vision camera fucked.
by Sol-Train on Oct 29, 2009 5:20 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're Carlton from Fresh Prince's dance moves fucked...
…and way past Elaine’s dance moves fucked…
by hawkeyeguy85 on Oct 29, 2009 5:22 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Fucked
Like john candy being chased by a bear in The Great Outdoors fucked
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 29, 2009 5:31 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Fucked
Like I just got a deer lodged in my combine cornhead fucked
"My momma always said, 'It's better to eat shit than to not eat at all.'" --Rube Baker
by McNutt Butter on Oct 29, 2009 5:32 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We are Christmas tree-looking.........
….knife in the prison laundry fucked.
by Bluzmn on Oct 29, 2009 5:52 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
This is getting pretty fucking ridiculous
by Leftcoast Hawk on Oct 29, 2009 5:54 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
When we're fucked
There isn’t much else to talk about, except the level in which we are fucked as illustrated by a couple people above.
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's just that I don't care
by Colteyes on Oct 29, 2009 7:17 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
ah reply fail
It's not that I'm lazy, Bob, it's just that I don't care
by Colteyes on Oct 29, 2009 7:18 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're fucked
Like doorgunner on a submarine fucked.
by Confederate Hawk on Oct 29, 2009 8:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Like Seaman in San Francisco?
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 29, 2009 8:18 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
we're Fucked like having
Jake Delhomme as your starting QB fucked…
this place smells like feet. i’ll bring a can of lysol next week.
by pfac51 on Oct 29, 2009 9:36 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 0 recs
Like a splintered 2x4 with rusty nails up the butt fucked
That could hurt. But grin and bear it.
by Leftcoast Hawk on Oct 29, 2009 10:55 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
We're "Dan Snyder attending the Redskins fan appreciation night" fucked
KOK, Please don't fuck this up...
by hawkeye_heartattack on Oct 30, 2009 6:47 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
Get this week over with so the real hating can begin
Hawks win to go 9-0, but don’t cover this week. Emotional letdown, the running back situation and Bill Lynch doesn’t leave all those points on the table like he did in Evanston.
Sunday, Hatefest ’09 begins.
Purple Flag on Saturday
www.FourStarFootball.com
by Purple Flag on Saturday on Oct 30, 2009 8:42 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I would have thought you would would wait
until after your All Hallows Eve beat down to poke your head in here.
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 30, 2009 9:54 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
It's been pretty boring
The PSU stuff for this week is as interesting as their uniforms.
You get Indiana, and that’s not really shaking your tree, either.
Purple Flag on Saturday
www.FourStarFootball.com
by Purple Flag on Saturday on Oct 30, 2009 10:08 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
But, we're bored and about to
win.
"I think it's safe to say our concerns are many." -- Kirk Ferentz
by StoopsMyAss on Oct 30, 2009 10:36 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
This week
That’s the point
Purple Flag on Saturday
www.FourStarFootball.com
by Purple Flag on Saturday on Oct 30, 2009 10:37 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Even waving your big poking stick
It’s still just too much Yawn to fight back. I feel like a bear swatting at gnats. Barely.
"For me the game wasn’t grounded in reality. It was about the uniform you put on that turned you into a warrior. It was about the mythology of the battle, the victory, the defeat, the struggle." - Mike Reid, PSU '69
by jtothep on Oct 30, 2009 6:34 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
But the hate is so one-way
You’re like the ISU of the Big Ten. We know you hate us, and so a win against you is nice for that reason alone. Other than that, though, the jNW is such a no-win situation for Iowa that it takes any enjoyment out of the game.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
by HoyaGoon on Oct 30, 2009 11:05 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hate?
I’m not really sure I can hate a program like jNW… Yeah, they’ve had a good run against us lately, but it’s like being mean to a kid who has some disability, in the end, it’s just not right. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still laugh at the top of my lungs when I see that Ryan Stadium cannot sell out in the middle of Chicago (the nation’s third largest city), and at the fact that there are probably more Hawkeye fans walking around Clark Street on BXI game days when I leave Merkle’s. Don’t worry though, we’ll help you guys sell out Ryan next year, and we’ll probably make up more than 50% of the fans in attendance.
They took the bar, the whole fucking bar!
by recoveringfratguy on Oct 30, 2009 2:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs
Hey fratguy...
did you really start that post with “I’m not really sure I can hate a program like jNW…”
and then call them disabled, make fun of their home stadium, and the amount of fans they have?
Good for you!
Go Hawks!
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
by WaterlooChazz on Oct 30, 2009 11:44 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs
I like jNWU.
…but I also like Hate Week.
by Bucketochicken on Oct 31, 2009 1:18 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

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