Que? No habla turtle, little English, habla Espanol, Pancheros. Burrito?
HEY COME ON NOW PAL I WANT TO ORDER A FOOD TO EAT WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA HEY
Dude, that really hurt. You can't just punch me like that, I was doing my Halloween character! Everyone knows Zombie Kid!
It's a fucking costume, man. That's it, I'm calling the cops.
NO NO NO SHIT ZOMBIES CAN'T USE PHONES
AWWW FUCK MY NOSE JESUS CHRIST
PEACE OUT I'M NOT EATING YOUR UNHOLY ZOMBIE BURRITOS
I... see. And that's how it all happened?
White guy, 6'0" to 6'2", 230 pounds. Err, 200. 200 to 230. Dark hair.
I see. Well, I think I know who did this.
(speaking into Sexy Cop Radio) All officers, be on the lookout for Steroid Ben Affleck.
What? Ben Affleck is like almost 40. I said--
No no no, when he takes steroids, he reverts back to 1994 Ben Affleck. Then this happens:
Does, um... does Iowa City have a big problem with Steroid Ben Affleck?
No, he's probably just passing through the state.
God only knows. (looks off into the distance, deep in sexy thought)
Weird. Can I go to the hospital now? My face is pretty messed up.
We're pretty sure that's not how it happened. Those are just videos you saw on the Internet.
ZOMBIE BOY IS REAL, HE LIKES TURTLES
And why are you even talking about that?
Don't you have anything to say about your football team instead?