Damn You All To Hell, Minnesota Timberwolves
by Adam Jacobi on Oct 21, 2009 2:21 PM CDT
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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PrintBrace yourselves, readers; we have horrible news from the world of professional bas-ket-ball:
YOU. BASTARDS. We'd be mad if we weren't so... sad. Click here for appropriate music in a new window, then keep reading.
Okay, real talk: Jared Reiner was probably the first athlete we ever met on the Iowa campus, and definitely the nicest athlete we ever met on the Iowa campus. It sucks that A: he got screwed out of a McDonald's All-American roster spot in high school so they could make room for some 7'6" kid who fucking sucked at basketball (just looked it up--Neil Fingleton, who now goes as "the world's tallest actor." Whatever, fuckface.). Then it sucks that his coach was Steve Alford, who rode Reiner's ass for no good reason and left him under the tutelage of Brian Jones, a purely awful position coach.
He was still a cool guy all the same, and one night an old, dear, drunk friend of mine approached Reiner and told him that his new nickname was "The Bighorn Chief," which still wouldn't make sense if we told the three-paragraph backstory. Then, said friend told every other basketball player nearby that Reiner's new name was "Bighorn Chief," and that was all they could call him. I don't know if it stuck--probably not, and that's probably for the best--but... well, that's not a gesture that old friend would have made for Glen Worley or Luke Recker, you know. Reiner's a good dude.
The particularly prickish aspect of this all is that Reiner was just two days away from playing an exhibition with the T-Wolves in Sioux Falls, home of his successful NBDL career and a hour's drive away from his hometown of Mitchell. Really, Minnesota? You couldn't work in a couple more days for the Bighorn Chief? You're all bastard people, Timberwolves! That's what you are! You're just bastard people! And I'm going home and I'm gonna... I'm gonna bite my pillow, is what I'm gonna do! Wait, I am home. Whoops.
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I hated him so much while he was here
In retrospect, I have no idea why. He seemed like he probably should have been a better player than he was, but he was still pretty decent. I have an unhealthy hatred for tall white guys, I think, because I wanted to kill Erek Hansen too. Sorry, dudes.
Anyway, it’s nice to here than Reiner was a cool guy. I’ve never met him, but he always seemed like a decent dude in interviews and stuff.
I'd be more sad...
But I can’t stop laughing at the sheer cheese of that music video.
by With Ferentz Like These... on Oct 21, 2009 5:13 PM CDT reply actions
I was wondering when someone was going to ask about that.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
What's not to love?
Tyson Beckford (useless piece of trivial knowledge #27,650) crashes his motorcycle, and dies without a scratch and Toni spends 4:32 trying to show off her body… makes sense to me
by The Nihilist on Oct 21, 2009 8:16 PM CDT up reply actions
Video is nine million times more fun if you pretend that the dude on the motorcycle is JimJackson, and the dude driving the car that caused his accident is Jason Kidd.
(over/under on people who get this reference is like 8)
Reiner....
He was part of the first “great” recruiting class to come to Iowa under Alford. That class (Reiner, Boyd, Sonderleiter, Worley, Scott) was somewhat hyped, at least here in Iowa. Yet, you could argue it wasn’t very productive.
I admired Reiner’s last year or two, despite his injuries. I thought he was soft, but I also thought Alford was a complete douche for not being more supportive.
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
Wasn't Reiner...
South Dakota’s high school player of the year?
He wasn’t the typical skinny C that you see coming out of high school which gave me hope that he may be the next great big man. He had terrible footwork under the hoop not to mention no jumping ability, and didn’t seem to improve from his freshman to his senior year which was typical under Alford.
by J.R. Angle has a posse on Oct 21, 2009 9:49 PM CDT up reply actions
He was...
SD high school player of the year by many organizations as a HS senior.
He did improve from beginning of his career to the end, just never really turned into the star we were all hoping for. When he did play in his senior year (injured for a little more than half the year) I remember him being pretty good, and his rebounding seemed decent. His junior year was also solid.
http://statsheet.com/mcb/players/player/iowa/jared-reiner
I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
-- Judge Smails
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