Eric Johnson To Play Non-Threatening Guitar Solos For Another Team In 2009?

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 7, 2009 12:00 PM CST in Iowa Hawkeyes Football

Word on the street is that recruiting coordinator/LB coach Eric Johnson might be headed to Alabama (update 2 for 1/6/09) to replace outgoing ~~defensive coordinator~~ "associate head coach and head defensive coach" (cough bullshit he's a DC cough) Kevin Steele, who's off to Clemson for some reason.

As Morehouse notes, Johnson's position at Iowa has been likened to that of a GM, as the majority of his duties go to recruiting. Now, there are plenty of DUR-HUR-HUR types out there who happen to hate Iowa's recruiting, so this news may not exactly aggrieve them. They don't seem to care that Ricky Stanzi, Andy Brodell, Julian Vandervelde, Bradley Fletcher, Tyler Sash, and (sigh) Brett Greenwood are all starting over more highly rated players out of HS; championships are won on Rivals.com damn it waaahhhhhhhh!

All the same, Johnson is a veteran coach, and evidently one that Nick Saban (no slouch, he) holds in high regards. Losing any longtime member of the coaching staff always hurts, especially for the players in the coach's unit (Oh, grow up.). But if this goes through and EJ joins the Tide, we have one request: replace him with someone who can hit a power chord like he fucking means it:

That is some Grade-A wankery right there. AND WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING. Yes, it's supposed to be a classic, that "Cliffs of Dover," but if I wanted to listen to someone noodle around with a 5-string like he's trying not to wake his dad up, I'd pick up some fucking Dream Theater. May we suggest, for Eric Johnson's replacement, a Mr. Jerry Cantrell?

Yes, this will be much better. And speaking of Eric Johnson, motherfuck his G3 pal, Joe Satriani. There are few unforgivable acts of music, but the backing track to this damn thing is one of them. Just for that, I will forget my power towel.

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Too Bad KSU is Copying Everyone

The Minnesota Wild has been doing the Satriani thing for ages… well as many ages as the Wild has existed.

by storminspank on Jan 7, 2009 1:18 PM CST reply actions

Iowa is amazing at developing talent

But we definitely have some room to improve as far as recruiting goes. It’s not like the staff is making a conscious decision not recruit highly ranked kids with lots of offers or something, they just don’t wind up landing very many of them (though obviously location limits that a great deal). Also, just because lower rated kids often work out better than the highly rated ones doesn’t necessarily mean that the recruiting rankings are complete bullshit. In general the higher ranked players tend to work out better, but obviously there are kids who slip through the cracks, or wind up developing later (and Iowa has done a great job getting and developing those players). Even looking at Iowa, highly ranked guys like Bulaga, Ballard, Clayborn, Edds, and (when he’s healthy) Moeaki are among our best players. The recruiting industry has it’s flaws, but I don’t think you can just disregard the whole thing.

by NorseHawk on Jan 7, 2009 3:31 PM CST reply actions

Highly touted, level-headed kids

Appears to be what Iowa has had trouble landing. Kyle “Bonecrusher” Williams and Ryan Bain are the first examples that come to mind. (Oddly enough, while looking up Bonecrusher’s real name I realized that both of these kids went to Bolingbrook HS in IL…) Obviously Williams was a nut job, while Bain was nothing more than a boozehound that did not seem capable of managing the life of a star athlete in Iowa City. There may be more examples, but these are the only two that I can think of at the moment.

On a side note, Bain’s inability to keep out of the police blotter is a giant bummer. He stopped by a house party of mine during his first year on campus, and he seemed like he had a good head on his shoulders. When offered a drink he said, and I quote loosely here as it’s been a few years, “I know what I’ve got here at Iowa and I do not want to fuck it up.” That stuck with me, and I defended him every time he came up in the news, until it became obvious he simply did not have the discipline to live in a place like Iowa City.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 7, 2009 4:39 PM CST up reply actions

The Economics of Recruiting

This is the basis of a pet project of mine, hopefully to be unveilled to an unsuspecting populous at some point this offseason. I know, I know, it might get in the way of dick jokes, but damn it if this place couldn’t use a little culture.

storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."

by Patrick Vint on Jan 7, 2009 5:53 PM CST up reply actions

Can't you combine them?

After all, a dick joke, so long as it’s essential part of the plot and not gratuitous, can be done tastefully with a sense of class and, dare I say, culture.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Jan 7, 2009 7:21 PM CST up reply actions