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Around SBN: The Worst Team Ever Projected?

ROYAL RUMBLE LIVEBLOG: WHY AM I DOING THIS

Louie_tiny by Adam Jacobi on in Iowa Hawkeyes News

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IT IS ON. THIS IS NOT A JOKE. IT SHOULD BE.

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They're still doing the promos right now, FYI.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:46 PM CST reply actions  

They're selling DVDs about... Edge?

I didn’t know he was still in the WWE. And I hate that it’s not the WWF anymore.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:47 PM CST reply actions  

Apparently Edge and Jeff Hardy are enemies with each other now

Jeff Hardy, FYI, paints his face and has purple hair.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:49 PM CST reply actions  

Oh, and he shaves notches in his eyebrows.

It’s a life choice.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:50 PM CST up reply actions  

This is not a joke

One of the plot points is that Jeff Hardy got set on fire by his entrance pyrotechnics and he blames “Edge” for that. So now they’re going to fight each other over it.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:51 PM CST reply actions  

They just had a PSA about not wrestling at home

And it wasn’t even ironic.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:52 PM CST reply actions  

I forgot that the WWE does chickfighting now too

Apparently Melina and Beth Phoenix, neither of whom I’ve ever heard of or who have natural breasts, are going to fight for the women’s title. I wish they wouldn’t.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:54 PM CST reply actions  

That's the worst part of WWE

Miss Elizabeth is rolling over in her grave.

storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."

by Patrick Vint on Jan 25, 2009 7:39 PM CST up reply actions  

It just occurred to me

I could have saved a few dollars by liveblogging the 1992 Royal Rumble, starting rightchere.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:57 PM CST reply actions  

They're playing NFL Films music in a promo here

Steve Sabol’s head just exploded.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:59 PM CST reply actions  

Okay, promos are over, time to start the action.

Who do you got? I got Underweartaker.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 6:59 PM CST reply actions  

This is a weird-ass subplot

Randy Orton kicked Vince McMahon in the head before Vince could fire him. I’m sure they’re going to let him wrestle in the Royal Rumble anyway.

Oh, and the McMahon family wants us to know that despite his injuries, the show will go on. Phew, I was worried.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:04 PM CST reply actions  

PROTIP:

If you make your little sign to hold up at the wrestling show, nobody’s going to be able to read it if you use ballpoint pen.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:05 PM CST reply actions  

FIRST MATCH ALERT

It’s the ECW title between “Matt Hardy” and “Jack Swagger.” Jack Swagger looks like he’s done a lot more steroids and HGH than Matt Hardy. He also looks like Matt Stafford.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:07 PM CST reply actions  

There's lots of punching in the face right now

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:09 PM CST reply actions  

Now they're rolling around on the ground with each other

Interesting note: Swagger is wearing a onesie, while Hardy has chosen designer jeans.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:11 PM CST reply actions  

You're giving me a reason to order this

And it’s going to cause a fight in my household. If you read a news story about a man in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania putting his fiancee in the Camel Clutch, it was NOT me.

--
Mr. Bob Dobalina

by Run Up The Score on Jan 25, 2009 7:13 PM CST reply actions  

You haven't missed much yet

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:13 PM CST up reply actions  

Screw your face

Once the Royal Rumble starts, you’ll wish you were watching.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:15 PM CST up reply actions  

If I could screw my face...

I’d never leave the house be an internet sensation wouldn’t admit it
 
never mind.

by Bucketochicken on Jan 25, 2009 7:17 PM CST up reply actions  

They're talking orthopedics right now

Apparently targeting the AC joint is how to really injure the shoulder.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:14 PM CST reply actions  

Just one time

I’d like to see someone get pinned after a totally pedestrian move.

“Going for the quick cover, 1, 2… 3? Okay, so Swagger wins with a particularly nasty clothesline.”

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:16 PM CST reply actions  

They're talking history now

I wonder if the Elias Sports Bureau covers the WWE, and if they charge like triple out of general principle.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:17 PM CST reply actions  

Hardy just did a reverse backflip

And he ALMOST won, but then Swagger was like, no way, and he won instead.

JACK SWAGGER DOES HIS TURNY FLIP POWER BOMB AND PINS MATT HARDY

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:18 PM CST reply actions  

They called it a "gut wrench power bomb"

I think “turny flip” does a much better job describing it.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:19 PM CST reply actions  

Matt Hardy's actoring is not very good

He looks like he’s near tears, which is not the face any grown man should make, regardless of whether he’s pretending he just lost a fight or not.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:20 PM CST reply actions  

CHICKFIGHT TIME

Melina is the first one in the ring, and the odds that she was once a stripper are 100%.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:22 PM CST reply actions  

Here comes Beth Phoenix

Less evident that she was once a stripper on account of her giant arm muscles. She’s more Hellga than anything.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:24 PM CST reply actions  

This is really ridiculous.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:25 PM CST reply actions  

The crowd has been stunned into silence

Wait, they just dropped one of the girls onto her own face, and now people are paying attention.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:26 PM CST reply actions  

HAHAHAHAHAHA, THIS IS INCREDIBLE

THIS CHICK WAS MAKING THE OTHER ONE KICK HERSELF IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:28 PM CST reply actions  

What channel is this on?

Just kidding, I have no chance of getting this without cable so keep the updates coming. I can either watch the Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.) awards or Bring It On. I will choose Kirsten.

by Duez I say on Jan 25, 2009 7:28 PM CST reply actions  

Malina scores an upset with a small package

Beth “the Glamazon” Phoenix is shocked. I don’t know why, because I’m sure she read the script before the match.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:31 PM CST reply actions  

The Glamazon has a manlier chin than I do

Much, much manlier.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:31 PM CST reply actions  

I haven't seen a lineup of the RR yet

But I’m really hoping the Repo Man is in the house tonight.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:36 PM CST reply actions  

SUBPLOT ALERT

Shawn Michaels is apparently an employee of “JBL” and having regrets about being his lackey. And so then they talked in the locker room with their shirts off. And then Shawn turns around and there’s Underweartaker and he says, “SOMETIMES, IT’S HELL GETTING INTO HEAVEN.” And then he just stared at him. I would hate being in that locker room. A lot.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:39 PM CST reply actions  

Was unable to find a stream online

Guess I’ll have to rely on OPS’s superb PbP, because I’m a cheap bastard.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 7:39 PM CST reply actions  

You've got to see the mancans on "JBL"

They are not exactly well-defined.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:41 PM CST reply actions  

Seriously, they look like my dads'

My dad walked around without a shirt on a lot, and I hate him for it.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:43 PM CST up reply actions  

It's JBL vs. Jort Cena for the title belt

I hope Cena wins because, well, he’s keeping jorts alive.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:42 PM CST reply actions  

No, you have to go with JBL

He’s the only guy keeping the “one-dimensional stereotype” character alive in wrestling today. Pro wrestling is better for it.

storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."

by Patrick Vint on Jan 25, 2009 7:45 PM CST up reply actions  

This is true

And really, I wish IRS were in his posse.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:46 PM CST up reply actions  

YUSSSS!

After doing extensive research (read: wandering to wwe.com) I have learned that The Miz will be making an appearance in tonight’s RR. I’ve got at least 3 dollars on him taking it.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 7:42 PM CST reply actions  

Oh god, his manboobs jiggle when he runs

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:45 PM CST reply actions  

For the last time, Beth Phoenix is not a man

storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."

by Patrick Vint on Jan 25, 2009 7:46 PM CST up reply actions  

For the last time yes she is

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:49 PM CST up reply actions  

OK

Now I’m glad I’m not watching this. You can’t stop talking about men’s chests.

by Duez I say on Jan 25, 2009 7:48 PM CST up reply actions  

This is stupid

JBL just dropped his armpit on Cena’s face like 5 times in a row and tried to tag. It didn’t work.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:48 PM CST reply actions  

Shawn Michaels, as "reluctant employee," is actoring good enough for all 3 men

He’s just staring at the ring.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:51 PM CST reply actions  

UPDATE

he is also chewing what appears to be gum.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:51 PM CST up reply actions  

Cena just allegedly did a "leg drop to the back of the neck"

John Cena’s leg was about a foot away from touching any part of JBL, much less his neck.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:52 PM CST reply actions  

John Cena is going to do his finishing move now

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:53 PM CST reply actions  

didn't work and now "JBL" is fine

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:53 PM CST up reply actions  

Wait, now JBL is in a submission hold

It too didn’t work.

Shawn Michaels is still staring at things.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:54 PM CST reply actions  

JBL's finishing move is the "Clothesline From Hell"

It looks suspiciously similar to a regular clothesline.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:55 PM CST reply actions  

Uh oh, unconscious ref!

And both guys clotheslined each other and are now dead for 30 seconds.

Shawn Michaels springs into action by staring at both of them.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:56 PM CST reply actions  

Who will Shawn Michaels facekick????

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:56 PM CST reply actions  

JBL

there was no way I could see that coming

by Vol Navy on Jan 25, 2009 7:57 PM CST up reply actions  

Shawn Michaels facekicked JBL, which he was not supposed to do

Cena is incredulous, Michaels is staring.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:57 PM CST reply actions  

Wait, he facekicked Cena too now

World-class asshole, that guy.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:57 PM CST up reply actions  

Jamie Pollard is inconsolable

storminspank: "Or we could join you can take our pants off."

by Patrick Vint on Jan 25, 2009 7:58 PM CST up reply actions  

New ref comes into the ring

But Cena got his shoulder up so Michaels’ plan of making JBL win didn’t work after all.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:58 PM CST reply actions  

So Cena wins instead

He did his bodyslammy thing and just won.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 7:59 PM CST up reply actions  

JBL is really selling this "wrestling hurts in real life thing"

He’s lying there in the ring and pretending to be dead.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:01 PM CST reply actions  

Time for the Championship Belt fight

And, wait, if Jeff Hardy and Edge fighting for it right now, what’s the point of the Royal Rumble? This is confusing.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:03 PM CST reply actions  

My wrestling knowledge is rusty,

but doesn’t the winner of the rumble fight the champion.

by Vol Navy on Jan 25, 2009 8:06 PM CST up reply actions  

At Wrestlemania, yes.

Although, I think they should just take after the Japanese* and “off” everyone except the winner.

*If you haven’t seen Battle Royale, you should. Unless you hate awesome movies, of course.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 8:10 PM CST up reply actions  

And by the way

Why is Jeff Hardy fighting the guy from U2? This is stupid.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:05 PM CST reply actions  

For getting burned in the face by pyrotechnics

Mr. Hardy’s face seems unburnt. That makes me think I should burn my face.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:06 PM CST reply actions  

You should see the face paint on this guy

It looks like a Slipknot mask, but like 100 times more wankerish.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:07 PM CST reply actions  

Wait a second

They gave Edge a fat wife? I mean, that’s fine, many wives are large, but, uh… why?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:08 PM CST reply actions  

oh, by the way

Fat Wife just changed it to a No Disqualification match, so now the guys get to use guns or something.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:09 PM CST up reply actions  

What in the hell

They just changed the color commentator to someone with a jarring speech impediment. What happened to Jerry Lawler? BRING HIM BACK YOU ASSES

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:11 PM CST reply actions  

For example

This new guy calls him “Jeff Hawdy” and can’t use his Rs. Someone make this stop.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:13 PM CST up reply actions  

The Edge is hugging him right now

And it’s supposed to be a submission hold. It’s a hug.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:18 PM CST reply actions  

The Edge makes lots and lots of faces

And they’re all ridiculous.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:19 PM CST reply actions  

For a no-disqualification match, this has been really lame

Sum total of “disqualifier” moves that have taken place: One “blatant haiw-pull”

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:20 PM CST reply actions  

Did they think they were wrestling Shawn Michaels?

no one else’s hear is just going to fall out…..

by Argulor on Jan 25, 2009 8:21 PM CST up reply actions  

its the WWE, where its a new “PG” nation
don’t expect anything to Flashy Awesome

by xozte on Jan 25, 2009 8:22 PM CST up reply actions  

Wait, here's a ladder

I’ll bet arena staff are furious that their ladder is being used for nefarious purposes.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:21 PM CST reply actions  

Now they're fighting in the ring again

And by fighting in the ring I mean rolling around in pain.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:24 PM CST reply actions  

Oh jeez

Fat Wife just interfered with the ref, so now Matt Hardy (remember him?) is in here to help out and they have chairs.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:29 PM CST reply actions  

Jeff Hardy is pretending to be dead

And 3 refs are pretending to make sure he’s okay.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:33 PM CST reply actions  

Aw damn it

They’re showing a steel cage in a promo. I want a steel cage! Do the Royal Rumble in a steel cage! You guys suck.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:35 PM CST up reply actions  

There's a lot of shirtlessness in these backstage things

Wouldn’t you want to wear a shirt just to stay warm?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:37 PM CST reply actions  

IDEA TIME

I know it wouldn’t take nearly as much time and they like to make these things last a long time, but they should start with all 30 people in the ring at the same time. Oh, and one guy gets a baseball bat.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:38 PM CST reply actions  

Wait a second

They just said that Rey Mysterio holds the record for longest stretch in the Royal Rumble, but Hawkeye State and I both know that Ric Flair logged like 90 minutes back in ’92.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:42 PM CST reply actions  

The first two guys in the Royal Rumble

Are Rey Mysterio and someone named John… I already forgot his name. John Morrison.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:43 PM CST reply actions  

This Morrison guy sure likes to pose

And with BeDazzled pants like those, I think I would too.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:43 PM CST reply actions  

Third guy in is someone I've never seen before.

…Carlito?

And he just spit on someone and he’s acting like it was made of acid.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:45 PM CST reply actions  

This Carlito guy needs a haircut.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:46 PM CST reply actions  

4th guy in is "MVP"

He’s cleaning house, which means he’s about to be the first to get knocked out.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:47 PM CST reply actions  

For the record

I have heard of precisely one of these first four guys.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:47 PM CST reply actions  

#5 is "The Great Khali"

I saw him do Japanese MMA once and he fucking sucked.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:49 PM CST reply actions  

#6 is "Vladimir Kozlov"

And he eliminates the Great Khali.

Since I did not know the Great Khali was a wrestler, I will say I have now heard of 1 of 6 competitors so far.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:50 PM CST reply actions  

Oh god, it's the Tripled H

I always hated this guy. Not because he was a bad guy, but he’s fucking boring.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:52 PM CST reply actions  

Kozlov is really terrible at this

And Triple H eliminated him. I hope the WWE picked him up on like a 10-day contract, because he is a waste of space.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:53 PM CST reply actions  

#8 is Randy Orton

He has his own little subplot thing going on, as mentioned before, so he’ll be in the ring for a long long time.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:53 PM CST reply actions  

Everyone is rolling around in pain right now.

…this happens a lot.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:54 PM CST reply actions  

#9 is "Cryme Tyme"

You can imagine what sort of ghetto stereotype hilarity’s at work with this one.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:55 PM CST reply actions  

Well, two people came out, but only one came in

So take from that what you will.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:58 PM CST up reply actions  

#10 is "Ted DiBiase"

Allegedly it’s the Million Dollar Man’s son, and I am furious that it’s not the original Ted DiBiase. This guy doesn’t even have a jacket with money signs on it.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:57 PM CST reply actions  

Please tell me #11 is Razor Ramon

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Jan 25, 2009 8:58 PM CST reply actions  

#11 is Chris Benoit

I think they’re not waiting the whole 2 minutes to bring new people in.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:58 PM CST reply actions  

you need to see Crimetime #2 or whatever this guy's name is

Pants pulled down so you can see his underwear, cornrows, and iron-on bullet holes on his pants. Not kidding.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 8:59 PM CST reply actions  

#12.....pleeeeeeeeease

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Jan 25, 2009 9:00 PM CST reply actions  

#12 is "Mike Knox"

His gimmick is he has Berzerker’s beard.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:00 PM CST reply actions  

dammit

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Jan 25, 2009 9:00 PM CST up reply actions  

he beats“loves” women a little to much

by xozte on Jan 25, 2009 9:01 PM CST up reply actions  

#13 is... the British Bulldog!

Just kidding, he’s dead.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:01 PM CST reply actions  

Don't play with my tender emotions

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Jan 25, 2009 9:01 PM CST up reply actions  

So is Chris Benoit

But that didn’t stop you fro announcing him at 11 :)

by shada's revenge on Jan 25, 2009 9:02 PM CST up reply actions  

hahahahaha, whoops

I meant Chris Jericho.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:02 PM CST up reply actions  

probably

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:01 PM CST up reply actions  

HEY HEY, The Miz!

Hey Mexican’t, the Miz is in. I hate him.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:01 PM CST reply actions  

Did he run into the ring and then immediately get thrown over the top rope on the other side?

Because that is exactly what happened in ’07 (the last time anyone I know paid for a WWE PPV). It was HI-larious.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:27 PM CST up reply actions  

Nobody is getting eliminated

But Randy Orton keeps doing his super move.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:02 PM CST reply actions  

Won't he run out at some point?

No self-respecting man from Iowa goes anywhere without beer

by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Jan 25, 2009 9:03 PM CST up reply actions  

I am watching WEC live fights instead

And some dude just knocked out the other dude, then jumped the fence and ran up the stairs and started dancing like he had spasms.

by shada's revenge on Jan 25, 2009 9:03 PM CST reply actions  

Some old as fuck Irish dude just came out

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:03 PM CST reply actions  

I think it's Bob Backlund

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:03 PM CST up reply actions  

Wait, it's something Finley

Is there anything sadder than a 50-year-old man in tights and bleached hair? He looks homeless.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:04 PM CST up reply actions  

Fuck

All I’ve got is the stupid X Games. Fags

by txhawkeye on Jan 25, 2009 9:03 PM CST reply actions  

"Cody Rhodes"

Who? Anyway, he’s the new one in.

Oh, and the Miz got eliminated like super quickly. Sorry guys.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:05 PM CST reply actions  

YUSS

I think it’s a running joke with The Miz. I’m curious to know how quickly he went out last year.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:28 PM CST up reply actions  

UNDERWEARTAKER ALERT

But they turned off the lights so he could come in, which is cheating.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:06 PM CST reply actions  

Underweartaker takes out the extra from GTA: San Andreas.

Only white people and that Rey Mysterio guy left.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:07 PM CST up reply actions  

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, NO FUCKING WAY

Goldust just came in! I thought they got rid of him like a decade ago.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:08 PM CST reply actions  

Goldust just got eliminated

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:09 PM CST reply actions  

Next guy is... CM Punk

Who in the fuck is CM Punk?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:09 PM CST reply actions  

Mark Henry is the next guy in

And he is now a dead ringer for Earthquake in blackface. He even has the really unfortunate hair.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:11 PM CST reply actions  

He just stood on a guy for like 10 seconds

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:12 PM CST up reply actions  

Shelton Benjamin is guy #20

There’s like 12 people in the ring right now. They are all writhing around in pain.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:13 PM CST reply actions  

This WEC thing has been on for 30 minutes

They have officially had 4 minutes of fighting. God bless filler time.

by shada's revenge on Jan 25, 2009 9:14 PM CST reply actions  

Guy #21 is "William Regal"

Please tell me he’s the “son” of one of the most underrated characters, Stephen Regal.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:14 PM CST reply actions  

"Kofi Kingston"? What?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:15 PM CST reply actions  

He's a jumper.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:16 PM CST up reply actions  

I like this Kingston guy

Even if he’s a cruel caricature of 3/4 of the cast of Cool Runnings.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:17 PM CST up reply actions  

Here comes Kane

Jim Ross just surmised that he and Undertaker would have an “unholy alliance.” He’s been sitting on that line the whole night.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:18 PM CST reply actions  

ahh!
BOD
greatest Tag Team Evarrr

by xozte on Jan 25, 2009 9:19 PM CST up reply actions  

Son of a bitch, there goes Regal

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:19 PM CST reply actions  

#24 is "R-Truth"

Are they just pulling guys off the street now? Who the hell are these people?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:19 PM CST reply actions  

They haven't talked about Finley all night

I think he’s your winner.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:20 PM CST reply actions  

Rob Van Dam?

Everyone seems shocked, but I wish I knew who he is. He’s gotta be like 5’6".

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:21 PM CST reply actions  

He looks like Tony Little.

He’s selling me a Gazelle at this very moment.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:22 PM CST reply actions  

Kofi is out

WWE just keeping a brother down.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:23 PM CST reply actions  

The fans are chanting RVD's name

Anyone want to fill me in on why this guy’s a big deal?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:23 PM CST reply actions  

RVD

was one of the original ECW wrestlers.

"I'm driven by greatness" - Derrick Williams

by HookMania on Jan 25, 2009 9:28 PM CST up reply actions  

If I remember correctly

It’s because he’s the “whole fucking show.”

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:31 PM CST up reply actions  

Next guy in is Dolph Ziggler

And he’s out already.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:24 PM CST reply actions  

Santino Marelli in and out

They wanted to break the Warlord’s record for shortest time in the ring, I guess.

Meanwhile, Fit Finley is just owning shit right now.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:26 PM CST reply actions  

#29 IS HACKSAW JIM DUGGAN

Hawkeye State hates him, of course.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:27 PM CST reply actions  

He looks very very homeless.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:28 PM CST up reply actions  

Last guy in is the Big Show

Still rocking that unitard.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:29 PM CST reply actions  

And the Big Show immediately takes out Hacksaw

Somewhere, a Hawkeye State gets its wings.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:30 PM CST up reply actions  

Wait...Hacksaw Jim Duggan?

Really? Isn’t he pushing 60?

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:33 PM CST up reply actions  

Sure looked like it

He wasn’t even wearing tights, just short shorts.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:33 PM CST up reply actions  

Winner's odds

Fit Finley: 90%
Field: 10%

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:31 PM CST reply actions  

HOLY SHIT THE MIDGET IS IN HERE

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:32 PM CST reply actions  

Son of a bitch

They got rid of Finley. I bet everything I had on Finley.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:33 PM CST reply actions  

Who’s still all in?

by xozte on Jan 25, 2009 9:34 PM CST reply actions  

Let's see

Orton, Underweartaker, Kane, Big Show, HHH, Benoit/Jericho, RVD, and Cody Rhodes. Wait, there goes RVD.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:35 PM CST up reply actions  

Underweartaker ends the day for Jericho

Oh, and young DiBiase is still in there too. He sucks.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:35 PM CST reply actions  

Kane gets eliminated by "the legacy"

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:36 PM CST reply actions  

I'll say this, I like the Big Show

He was on Conan about a decade ago and he was really funny.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:37 PM CST reply actions  

Underweartaker is chokeslamming everybody

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:37 PM CST reply actions  

Shada...

How are the real fights? And who’ve you got? Cerrone or Varner?

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:38 PM CST reply actions  

RKO takes out the Big Show which makes me hate him

So then the Big Show takes down the Underweartaker, so now they’re clearly enemies.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:39 PM CST reply actions  

Well, I was wrong

HHH takes out DiBiase and Rhodes really quickly, then while he’s doing that Orton knocks him out.

RANDY ORTON IS THE WINNER OF THE 2009 ROYAL RUMBLE

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:43 PM CST reply actions  

And that's all. Fit Finley was screwed.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:44 PM CST reply actions  

Yessir

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Jan 25, 2009 9:47 PM CST up reply actions  

Between this and the Obamicon thread

It has been an EPIC week here at BHGP.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 25, 2009 9:46 PM CST reply actions  

First off

Who the fuck is posting 10cent gambling info? Secondly, I hate this post because it actually made me go to the WWE/F website and I feel…I’m not sure. We’ll see what happens when I look in the mirror. And whatever happened to Mankind?

by Shooter McGavin on Jan 25, 2009 10:42 PM CST reply actions  

I believe the last time I saw him

Was for a TNA commercial on Spike.

¿Quieres chiclets?

by The Mexican't on Jan 26, 2009 3:33 PM CST up reply actions  

dammit

just when i thought this site had journalistic integrity you go and do something like this AND TOTALLY REDEEM YOURSELF

by Anonymous Hero on Jan 26, 2009 4:02 PM CST reply actions  

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