As you well know, Iowa is headed for a sweet evening game with their traditionally most hated rivals, Penn State. Err, yeah. We were going to send some questions to like Black Shoe Diaries or someone for them to answer about the upcoming game, but wvery time we came here to start the article, we got mentally sidetracked by the Obamicon open thread. So instead of a witty back-and-forthing to get people worked up for the game, we're just going to pose a few unanswered questions, but the catch is this: they're questions for which BSD (and PSU)'s only plausible answer is "nothing." Their silence will speak volumes!

Greetings, Black Shoe Diaries. Just to make sure you are not a spambot 5000, please answer the following math questions: What is (4 x 11) - 33 - 12 + 1?

BSD: (nothing)

Correct! What is any number timesed by zero?

BSD: (nothing)

Correctamundo! Last question: 17 + 4.

BSD: (nothing)

Incorrect, that is 21. We now know that you are a real people, because only spambots and TI-85s can answer such hard math questions correctly. Your imperfections make you perfect. What are some of your own philosophical thoughts to complement such brilliant observations by BHGP?

BSD: (nothing)

It is good to know your own limitations. Onto basketball. What can the Penn States do to slow down the offensive tornadocane (that is a tornado made of tiny hurricanes) [hang on.--ed] WHAT NOW? [Shouldn't that be a hurricane made of tornadoes?--ed] No, why? [because the second part of a compound noun like that should be the object, and the first part is the modifier.--ed] Expound. [Well, a jelly bean is a bean made of jelly, not a jelly made of beans.--ed] But that's two words! Tornadocane is one word. And I made it up and it can be whatever I want. [Look, you can call your tornado made of tiny hurricanes a snickerdoodle for all I care. I'm just telling you that you're using words wrong.--ed] A snickerdoodle is a cookie. [I'm just saying that when your roommate told you to eat a shitcake two years ago, it was understood that it was a cake made out of shit, not a shit made out of cake.--ed] What, so cake doesn't turn into #2 all of a sudden? [I'm leaving.--ed] ANYWAY, what can Penn State do to stop David Palmer?

BSD: (nothing)

I knew it! Here comes a 30-point night for EL PRESIDENTE!

BSD: (nothing)

I didn't ask you anything.

BSD: (nothing)

Okay okay okay. What do you use to wipe your own butt?

BSD: (nothing)

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL