OUTRAGEOUS BIAS KEEPS HAWKEYES OUT OF TOP 25

This week's polls just came out, and we were excited to see where Iowa was in the rankings. The Hawkeyes have won easily in their first two games of the season, outscoring their opponents by a 86-3 margin. Maine and Florida International are two great teams, both BCS contenders in their own right, and not a single team in America has a stronger resume than the Hawkeyes right now. Not one.

So where was Iowa ranked this week? 15th? 10th? Unanimous Number One?

Wrongo, buckaroo. Not only have the Hawkeyes been slighted enough to be out of the Top 25, they're not even ranked at all. Seriously.

This is an outrage! Heads should roll! Someone find Pat Forde and throw him into the world's biggest deep fat fryer! Iowa is the best team in the world and I bet they would beat the Detroit Lions by like 80.* To give high marks to teams like Ohio State (barely beat Ohio), LSU (game postponed? RANKINGS POSTPONED M-F-ER), and East Carolina (not even a real state!) while ignoring the Hawkeye Revolution is a traveshamockery of justice. Burgleflickle.

Lest you think that perhaps the pollsters are wary to upvote a team that didn't go to a bowl last season and are just keeping the Hawkeyes at 26th or 27th, things are worse. Much worse. In the AP, Iowa hasn't even received a single vote, not even from local hero Eric Page, who doesn't even mention the Melrose Monsters. What's the deal, Eric? Did somebody threaten you? Is your family in danger? WE WANT ANSWERS.

The coaches have spoken in a slightly more favorable tone, though that's only like saying getting stabbed in the face a hundred times is better than getting stabbed a thousand times. Again, right in the face. In the coaches' poll, Iowa garnered four votes, which--if my intuition is right**--means there's somewhere between one to four coaches whose careers and lives are at serious risk.

We can only wonder who at the NCAA is conspiring to keep the Hawkeyes out of the headlines. Who benefits? Where does the money go? Is Outback somehow involved?

Probably.

All the Hawkeyes can do, of course, is win, and that's what they'll be doing for the next two or three months. Will they rise in the polls? Maybe. Will the refs be working against them? Probably. And will the NCAA stop at nothing--not even murder--to keep Iowa from taking down the whole system?

You bet your life.

*this actually is not hyperbole.
**always is.