Let's start right out. Hey, Wha Happened?
Southern Cal 35 - Ohio State 3
Can we finally excommunicate Ohio State from the conference now?
There's nothing to say about this game that hasn't already been said. This was a shitkicking of the highest order. Ohio State imploded on the national stage again. And, as long as there isn't any serious competition in the conference, they will remain the poster boy for the Big Ten and a punching bag for the media and Blogfrica. The Big Ten hate has only just begun.
Notre Dame 35 - LMAOchigan LOLverines 17
LMAOchigan fumbled. Notre Dame scored. LMAOchigan fumbled. Notre Dame scored. LMAOchigan turned it over on downs. Notre Dame scored. That's the first ten minutes, and that's really all you need to know. Notre Dame looked less than spectacular. The LOLverines looked better than they did against Utah, except for that whole fumbling thing. I guess that's a staROFL.
Wisconsin 13 - Fresno State 10
Everyone's favorite preseason upset pick doesn't come to pass, so at least something went right in the conference this weekend. It was a win on the road against a top 25 opponent, and for that Wisky should be happy. That being said, there is some serious danger in the numbers. They were outgained by Fresno, which isn't shocking considering they still can't throw the ball. More surprising is the fact that they lost the time of possession battle despite running on 60% of their offensive plays. They were penalized more frequently. And that's not even mentioning Allan Evridge, who is trying to be the first Division I quarterback to lead his team to a winning record without completing a pass. Anyone who thinks Wisconsin is better than Penn State hasn't watched either.
Penn State 55 - Syracuse 13
While Wisconsin struggles to complete a pass, Penn State keeps rolling up huge offensive numbers against admittedly craptastic opposition. Royster went for 101 on just 13 carries, Devlin and Clark combined for 344 yards passing, and Jordan Norwood is still really good. I'll be the first to say it: Jay Paterno might be onto something.
In other news, Syracuse was officially denied entrance into the Mid-American Conference today. When asked for comment, MAC commissioner Rick Chryst said, "I understand why Syracuse petitioned for admission to the conference. If you're going to be a sacrificial lamb to two Big Ten schools a season, where would you rather be than the MAC? That being said, even we have standards."
Oregon 32 - Purdue 26
Honestly, I can't believe Purdue stayed this close. They aren't good. Curtis Painter threw 50 times for only 207 yards and was picked twice. Kory Sheets ran for 180 yards - 80 on his first carry of the day - and if Purdue could convert any of their chip shot field goals into touchdowns or had a competent placekicker, they probably would have won. That being said, Oregon had over 300 yards rushing on a defensive front seven that looked positively average against NCAA I-AA West Northern Colorado in week one and were exposed by Phil Knight's henchmen in week two. I can't wait to watch them play Iowa.
Illinois 20 - Louisiana-Lafayette 17
Can we stop with the Illini shit now? Juice Williams still can't throw, Daniel Dufrene still isn't Rashard Mendenhall, and Arrelious Benn is still being criminally underutilized by a coach who explained his team's lackluster performance by saying, "The coaches are gonna coach, and the players are gonna play." I'm telling you, this is a seven-win team.
Minnesota 35 - Montana State 23
Michigan State 17 - Florida Atlantic Fightin' Schnellenbergers 0
While tanned-ass southerners were cancelling games because of "hurricanes," Michigan State refused to postpone its contest despite a torrential downpour. Javon Ringer ran 43 times (!) for 282 yards (!!!1!!one!exclamationpoint!!!) Yeah, he's really fucking good, and he had to be. Passing was impossible, but that didn't stop FAU from trying, and 8-for-34 for 143 yards isn't going to get it done. The Cal game is not easily forgotten, but I'm starting to get a little worried about Sparty.
Northwestern 33 - Southern Illinois 7
Official attendance: 19,062. And LTP says that's inflated.
Seriously, stop laughing.
(Photo credits, in order: AP Photo/Mark Avery; AP Photo/Gary Kazanjian; AP Photo/Al Goldis; New York Times/Kenneth Dickerman)