Personal Ads for the Iowa State Cyclones

It's ISU Week, which means we need to do something to make fun of those poor kids to the west. Thus, by popular demand, the Personal Ads from ISU Week 2008. How come you ain't call Shaft Dicksteel back, girl?

We at BHGP are nothing if not considerate, and when we heard some of the Cyclones were looking for love, well, we knew we had no choice but to introduce them all to you, our readers. If you have an open heart or know someone who does, send them over here, and maybe--just maybe--we can take that "lone" out of "Cyclone."

Oh, and click on all of these for the hi-res versions. They're so, so worth it.

Dr. Cuddlekins -- 6'4", 322

Hi everyone! I enjoy lying on the soft grass here at Jack Trice -- hopefully with my soulmate!! ^_^ -- and just thinking. Thinking about breakfast, life, lunch, football, dinner, and teddy bears. I give the best hugs in the world, and hopefully you'll hug me back and not call campus security. I also have a tough side too--I'm too big not to! Check out my barbed wire tattoo and my goatee! But don't worry, I don't bite....UNLESS YOU ASK!!! lol Either way, I'm #60 on Saturdays, and if you want to talk, just yell down at me. The stadium is cemetery-quiet and Coach C benched me after I spent all of last season getting run over on the football field. I guess that's where I got the habit of lying down and thinking! Hope to talk to you soon!!! xoxoxo

Captain Party Balls -- 6'4", 301

Whoa, you caught me! I was just goofin' around with the pigskin! I'm a real party guy, as you can probably tell!!! Do you like my picture? I stole it from my favorite athlete and TV star, Hulk "The Hulkster" Hogan. The big boot! So sweet. As for me, I like just hangin out with the bros, watchin sports, and pounding a six pack, just for fun! One time I went to an amusment park! Anyway, they call me the "Life of the Party," and I bet it's easy to see why! There's nothing I won't do! One time I walked around at a kegger with a lampshade on my head, and I only had like 2 beers when I put it on! Sometimes I'll raise my hand in class, and then tell the prof I don't know! Another time I stuck a Nalgene bottle up my asscrack! Most of all I like playing football--WITH THE CYCLOOOOONES!--where we are about to win us a national title or 10. Coach Cheezit (LMAO) lets me play, even though I've never even opened my playbook! He says I'm a good teammate, so what do you say... you and me can be "teammates with benefits"!! I'll even put it in your "end zone"!! And you can put it in "mine"!! PEACE OUT.

Freak Nasty -- 6'1, 234

Let me be clear--I am not interested in the ordinary. I am a very specific lover, and if you are my type of girl, I will rock your world so hard your pants won't even fit anymore. I don't even know what that means. First things first--we're going to get wild. There will be scented oils, whips, and this dolphin-looking dildo one girl left behind last year. We're gonna get good, real good. This you know, and this you want. Those who should not apply: The small, the tall, the shaved and unbathed. Be Freak Nasty's girl, and Freak Nasty will freak you nasty all night long. Bring your own towels.

Deepthroat Jones -- 6'1", 202

What up bitches??? You ever fucked a baller? You ever fucked two ballers at the same time? We can get down like that. We can do that tonight. Like I ain't never fucked a girl just because someone else all up in her mouth. You wanna meet my boy? Hey, get over here. I got someone who wants to meet you.

Shaft Dicksteel & Deepthroat Jones -- 5'9", 170 & 6'1", 202

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH! Don't he look like Usher?? What do you say? You wanna get down with us? We ain't no tag team--tag teams take turns. And we prefer biggins, cause a "biggin" is already used to having two Gs up in it. You're goddamn right we get down like that. ALL DAY with that Eiffel Tower. You know what I'm talking about. POW! We go front and back, we'll go two deep in that ass, we'll even run an elephant chain you if you're down. You say the word, and we'll get as many homeboys in here as you want. Except for that Cuddlekins cat, he's kind of fucked up and he just sucks on toes all the time. Otherwise, we will pound that ass like it's keepin' secrets. Lemme know.