Yes, it's been a while since we complained like little children about the job the P-C does, mainly because it's been a while since there was any football to be covered. Oh, and they did a bang-up, if self-serving, job covering the mistreatment scandal.

But this is a new season, a new year, and there's more DERRR HURRR stupid coverage to be foisted upon their poor readership.

We can't help, of course, but start with Pat Harty, the reigning champion of Pat Harty-related coverage in the eastern Iowa area. Oh, sure, he purports to cover the Hawkeyes. It's strange, though, that most of his columns end up being about him or, if he's feeling particularly generous, the media as a whole.

Today's edition is no exception. The headline, "DJK has plenty to say," would normally send a signal to the reader that the story is about DJK. Six first-person references and no enthralling quotes later, the reader is shamed. Your money quote:

DJK is one of just many nicknames that he has been given since his childhood days. He reeled off several other nicknames Monday, including my new favorite, "Coolio."

Now list the rest. You have to. It's a story about how awesome it is to listen to him talk and

"It’s crazy, and it’s been like that since I was a little boy," he said. "For some reason, people think I need a nickname. My first name is just not enough."

DJK credits his adoptive family for helping him reach this point in his life. He changed his name legally from Derrell Johnson to Derrell Johnson-Koulianos shortly before coming to Iowa.

Fuck you pal.

Fortunately, Rob Howe picks up the slack, which is strange because he writes for Scout.com and everyone knows online writers live in their mothers' basements and look at weird doodoo porn:

"DJK, Hell-Rell, Revenue-Rell, JK, E. John, D. John, D. John Koul, Koulio, Koulianos, I mean it doesn’t stop," he said to a very entertained group of reporters. "It’s wild. It’s crazy. And it’s been that way since I was a little boy."

Then there's the pictures. Either John Richard got bored as hell really quickly (plausible) or he hates the P-C's subscribers, because his photo set was jarringly worthless. Let's start with his first picture. Straight off the bat, we're left to wonder what the hell's going on.

 
Blocking... in SPAAAAAACE! photo credit: John Richard, Iowa City Press-Citizen

More pictures after the break.

 
Hey, they're just pals! They're goofy! And Colin Sandeman (right) should not do that in front of a camera anymore. (Photo credit: Matthew Holst, Iowa City Press-Citizen)

 Hi. Bryan Bulaga's in Delaware. (Photo credit: Matthew Holst, Iowa City Press-Citizen)

Either they handed the camera to Bill Brasky for a couple minutes, or John Richard is 44 feet tall. (Photo credit: John Richard, Iowa City Press-Citizen)

 
Kroul and Unusual Punishment. Okay, so this is pretty awesome. (Photo credit: Matthew Holst, Iowa City Press-Citizen)

 
Adrian Clayborn (L) and Christian Ballard (R). And this is really awesome. We can't stay mad. (Photo credit: Matthew Holst, Iowa City Press-Citizen)