Not that I am over-reading, but ... jesus. If this professional sports-man-writer is correct, my absinthe-ridden ramblings are correct, and we're averaging 2.7 per play against the Main Event. (Maybe we'll catch them looking ahead to storied Monmouth, the Monsters of West Long Branch, New Yersey. Monmouth's schedule, itself is a killer this year. After Maine, they've got Coastal Carolina (whew, at home), Bryant (no, they don't have to play the girl's field hockey team), and, get this, *Robert Morris*, away, in Moon Township, PA.)
And to make matters worse, the next week, we have to roll out of bed, walk down Melrose again, and play Florida International Airport -- and they are the current NCAA record holder with SEVEN (7) Directional U's on their schedule this year! One of which is ... Middle Tennessee. And we remember what happened the last time we played a directional anything. Do we stand a chance?
Man, I so long for the days of Nebraska, Oregon State, USC, the odd Notre Dame contest, when it was hot, clear, and September in IC. That, at least, matched institution v. institution. I don't really care about bowl games, because I think these guys should be free to chase PAULA infractions after Thanksgiving, at least until they're paid above board and everyone understands they're quasi-pros. But no. We are now in the same league as West Long Branch, New Yersey, Monmouth, a commuter school founded in 1933. I would quote Reservoir Dogs, but I think my children read these things.
"Texas A&M has found a way to get some decent talent to College Station, but will likely never approach the depth of talent you find within this conference at Oklahoma and Texas and to a lesser extent Nebraska. Luckily it's college football so there is a second option: innovate. Run the option (which they did last year), run the spread, run unusual defensive looks (which they also did), and so forth. Basically do anything to be different and chances are you'll overachieve.
"But Sherman appears to have decided to go with a pro style offense which is conventional and happens to have shackled once great offensive powerhouses like Miami and USC. Not good.
"Maybe I'm wrong but between the transition pains and the already drab offense, I see trouble on the horizon and quick."
Deception and surprise. That's what you could count on in 1985, astride Melrose, the water tower, and the strange gothic tower of the hospital. Running an O that Michigan couldn't game plan because they'd never seen it. (cf. YouTube.) This season will tell us everything. Looking retrospectively, remembering the Sunday morning in the Nagel's house after we beat 8th ranked Oregon State when Frank Holmes ran wild, must I now examine my future -- and assume that in 20 years our September opponents will be Monmouth, New Yersey?
Why not Allegheny? Allegheny, 20 years hence, is no more ridiculous than Maine or FIU, from the perspective of 20 years past. Allegheny would take the date for $300,000, which is $300,000 more than they'll get for driving to Oberlin. Let's schedule Maine and Allegheny back-to-back. It will make for good media.
Fuck. I want to play OSU and Michigan and the rest of them. Not these pygmy schools.