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Around SBN: Kobe Bryant Isn't Up To Speed On Jeremy Lin, 'Linning'

I Don't Have to Like Sally Mason to Love the Hawkeyes

Not much funny today, but no spleen or outrage either. In fact, this might just be boring, but it's something in my head that I wanted to see in print, so bear with me a moment. Toilet humor to return forthwith.

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I have three favorite bumper stickers. One is this. Des Moines and proud, motherfuckers. The other two are political without being explicitly so, if that makes any sense. One says "I Eat Babies And I Vote," which floors me every time I think of it. The last says "I don't have to like my President to love my country," and it's that level of nuance that I try (and usually fail) to keep square in my mind.

Summer practices are going on at the UI, and the football season is scarcely more than two weeks away. With the impending season, the athletic department is publishing substantial amounts of Hawkaganda, including this article and this accompanying photo spread.

And you know what? Despite my bitter loathing of the UI's policies and secretiveness, I'm excited about this year's football team, and I feel sorry for those of you who aren't. I don't mean that in an aggressive, contentious way, either; I just wish everybody could look at pictures of these Hawkeyes, guys who haven't done a damned thing wrong themselves, and not get pumped as hell.

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Note that we're not asking you to in any way excuse any of the questionable behavior that has prompted the Regents' current investigation. Far from it. We are, however, asking you to judge the two situations on their own separate merits and to join us as we watch a team that, quite frankly, can't be as bad as last year (NOTE: if they are, feel free to join us as we give up on words and just photoshop turds coming out of various coaches' mouths).

Either way, it's not fair to slag these guys for stuff other people did. Time to act like Hawkeye fans and like adults.

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This and all other photos in this article courtesy of HawkeyeSports.com's exclusive coverage of summer practices. Get psyched.

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Amen

Bring on the motherf*cking season. Let’s play some football!

by imadirtyoldman on Aug 13, 2008 9:33 PM CDT reply actions  

On that top picture --

If that’s the defensive player practicing full speed, we’re F*&&#’d this year.

by indyhawk on Aug 13, 2008 9:37 PM CDT reply actions  

That's John McCain on the right, you dick.

"This cream cheese story is good .But we can add some other story about the cream cheese." - Dr. Retarded

by Adam Jacobi on Aug 13, 2008 10:17 PM CDT up reply actions  

Nothing is fucked here, Dude

You’re being very un-Dude

"Bob Zook has to be the laziest man alive"

by Patrick Vint on Aug 13, 2008 11:19 PM CDT up reply actions  

Ve all vant ze money Lebowski

Okay. So ve take ze money you haf on you, und ve callz it even.

by The Nihilist on Aug 14, 2008 12:14 AM CDT up reply actions  

It's about time

this offseason has been entirely too long. I want to see the swarm….

by chitownhawkeye on Aug 13, 2008 11:28 PM CDT reply actions  

Everybody's pretends they care about Jake C. vs. Stanzi...

and Shonn Green coming back, but the real question on everyone’s mind is who will be this years fuck Golden Girl? Who will be our proudest symbol: a child beauty pageant runner-up turned baton twirling freak show.

by LawrenceStation on Aug 14, 2008 1:07 AM CDT reply actions  

Jake will be starting over Stanzi till

Jake graduates.

Next topic: Does anyone else giggle everytime they think about 5’9’’ Paul Chaney Jr?

by mahossa on Aug 14, 2008 9:54 AM CDT up reply actions  

Any other impossible to verify until they happen statements?

How many yards will Shonn rush for? What will Kirk eat for breakfast over the next month? Will he enjoy it?

"This cream cheese story is good .But we can add some other story about the cream cheese." - Dr. Retarded

by Adam Jacobi on Aug 14, 2008 11:15 AM CDT up reply actions  

Prediction
  • Kirk will chew himself through ten boxes of Hubba Bubba.
  • JC will underthrow at least three receivers/running backs in the first game
  • Matt Kroul will toss an opposing OG like a hay bale, and then smash the guy’s head in like one of his family’s pumpkins

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Aug 14, 2008 11:28 AM CDT reply actions  

More Predictions

Casey McMillian will eat 3 opposing linemen.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Aug 14, 2008 2:30 PM CDT up reply actions  

More more predictions:
  • The commentating crew will allude to Iowa’s knack for electing to receive the ball to start the game
  • In at least three of the twelve consecutive games in which Iowa receives the ball first, Iowa will actually advance the ball past midfield on the opening drive
  • In at least two of those three times advancing past midfield, they will score!
  • At least one of those scores will be a touchdown!

by YouCanPutYourEddsInIt on Aug 14, 2008 5:27 PM CDT up reply actions  

Iowa elects to receive the ball first?

Really? I hadn’t noticed. The broadcasting crew has failed to inform me of this every game for the last 7 years.

by chitownhawkeye on Aug 14, 2008 11:03 PM CDT up reply actions  

America....FUCK YEA.

I love football!

I love Women’s Gymnastics! ahem, hardly women. Chinese are cheaters!

I love Michael Phelps!

Football! College! Maine! Florida International (what does that really mean?)!

by Life as a G on Aug 14, 2008 3:41 PM CDT reply actions  

Quit it

Quit staring at Shawn Johnson. She is only 4 foot 8 which I’m pretty sure is legally dwarfism.

Go Hawks or fuckin Chinese Robots

by Duez I say on Aug 14, 2008 9:49 PM CDT up reply actions  

I'd say

Quit staring at her because she’s freakin’ 16 years-old!! But its ok to stare at the girl who won the gold because she’s a “normal” 5’2" and 18. That makes it ok.

I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.

by HoyaGoon on Aug 15, 2008 12:43 PM CDT up reply actions  

I love me some Hawkganda!

Hawkganda is awesome! I might have to steal that one. I need this blog to keep my Hawk spirits strong because my predictionsfor this season is not a good one.

The Hawks on the field are the good guys and I will root for them every Fn game. My disdain for this program is directly aimed at the football coaching staff and the brass in charge of our beloved University. Even my old polly sci prof is groping chicks for grades, wtf?

I just got back from a family visit to Omaha. The servings of Huskerganda will make one vomit because Bo Pelini is the next Jesus Christ.

What? They don't have TV in the D-League? Don't watch me, watch TV.

by Mac G on Aug 15, 2008 11:18 AM CDT reply actions  

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