The 2007 Iowa Football Team Finds A Severed Head

Icongodfrey_medium Dude. C'mere. Check this out. Serious, c'mere right now. It's over by the 10 yard line.
Icongodfrey_medium You're gonna freak out.
Iconklink_medium AWWWW GROSSSSSS!!! Hahahahahahahaha! Where'd you find that??!
Icongodfrey_medium It was literally just sitting right here.
Iconhumpal_medium Hey guys, what's going on?
Iconklink_medium Godfrey found a severed head!
Iconhumpal_medium What? No way!
Icongodfrey_medium I know! It's not even that old!
Iconhumpal_medium Well should we call the cops or something?
Icongodfrey_medium Hell no.
Iconklink_medium Yeah, they'll probably think one of us did it.
Iconref_medium Hey guys, let's break this u--WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA
Icongodfrey_medium Shhh!!
Iconref_medium Is that a... is that real?
Iconhumpal_medium Yeah, it smells awful.
Iconref_medium I'm pretty sure this is a penalty or something.
Icongodfrey_medium Fuck you, what you gonna call us for, holding?
Iconklink_medium "Egregiously unsportsmanlike conduct, 15 to life, first down."
Icongodfrey_medium Hahahahaha!
Iconmoeaki_medium OH SHIT A SEVERED HEAD
Icongodfrey_medium Tony, go get a stick. We're gonna poke it.
Iconmoeaki_medium Okay.
Iconeubanks_medium NO. FUCKING. WAY. I'm telling Coach.
Icongodfrey_medium No don't! He's gonna kill us!
Iconeubanks_medium Then I'm at least telling the rest of the line about it. In addition to being strong and talented at football, we're the smartest players on the team, and we make the best decisions. We are definitely the best part of this team, all because of our intelligence. Sure hope nothing ever happens to that.
Iconklink_medium Wait Godfrey... is that... is that who I think it is?
Icongodfrey_medium Oh shit.
Hepshead_medium
Iconhumpal_medium They said it was brain cancer!
Icongodfrey_medium I know! So gross. Tony, poke it.
Iconmoeaki_medium Okay.
(Terry Hoeppner's head begins to stir, freaking everyone out because, y'know, it's a severed head)
Newtesthep_medium RARRRAARRRRRGH WHO GOES THERE


Iconmoeaki_medium HOLY FUCK OH SHIT FUCK JESUS WHAT DID I DO FUCK FUCK FUCK
Iconref_medium I have to throw a flag for something, I'm flipping out
Newtesthep_medium HEPSHEPSUT RULES ALL WHO INCUR HIS WRATH
Iconhumpal_medium Wait, "Hepshepsut?" What happened to Terry Hoeppner?
Newtesthep_medium THAT IS MY EARTH NAME. I AM HEPSHEPSUT, ONETIME RULER OF THE MYSTICAL EGYPTIAN SPACE PEOPLE WHO RULED THIS EARTH MANY MILLENIA AGO BEFORE RETURNING TO OSIRIS'S SPACE LAIR
Iconhumpal_medium That's awesome!
Newtesthep_medium I KNOW
Newtesthep_medium KNEEL BEFORE HEPSHEPSUT
Icongodfrey_medium Wait, guys, wait. I took Egyptian Studies last semester.
Newtesthep_medium YOU SHALL RULE WITH HEPSHEPSUT
Icongodfrey_medium But "-shepsut" means "noble woman." And Hatshepsut was the first lady pharaoh.
Iconref_medium Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Newtesthep_medium ARRRAAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH HEP FURIOUS
Iconmoeaki_medium Hahahahaha, this is so much better than football.
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURRRRSSSE
Iconhumpal_medium Oh great, thanks "Charles," it's gonna curse us.
Iconmoeaki_medium C'mon, what's the worst a severed head can
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURSE... MOEAKI!
Iconmoeaki_medium Whoa, big bad tough guy without any legs or OH JESUS SHIT AAAAAAAH MY ARM AAAAAAAAAAHHHH IT EXPLODED
Iconklink_medium Turn him back! Damn it!
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURSE... KLINKENBORG!
Iconklink_medium Oh please, you can't AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIGGGGHH MY HAND JUST EVAPORATED, I AM BLEEDING EVERYWHERE
Iconref_medium That's an ejection!
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURSE REF!
Explodedhead_medium
Icongodfrey_medium HELP HELP SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP US
Iconeubanks_medium (to the rest of the offensive line) How can you just dismiss it as "pointless complexity"? Even if you're not just being intellectually dishonest for the point of discussion, if that's what Rachmaninov was capable of, and clearly he
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURSE... OFFENSIVE LINE!
Iconeubanks_medium DERRR HAARRRRR HAMBURGER
Hs_medium Look, if you don't know why Iowa sucked last year, just say so.
Ops_medium I'm not done with my story!
Hs_medium I have to go back to work.
Ops_medium HEP CURSE
Ops_medium err
Oldtesthep_medium HEP CURSE MEANIE HAWKEYE STATE
Hs_medium I'm blocking you.
Ops_medium OOPS POW SAD


OLD TESTAMENT HEP RIDES AGAIN
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