The JoePa Chronicles: JoePa Writes Another Programming Note
by Adam Jacobi on Jul 7, 2008 11:21 AM CDT
Email
Print
HELLO AGAIN INTERNET, THIS IS MR. PATERNO, THANK YOU
THAT NO-GOOD LAZY SPANIARD OOPS POW SURPRISE HAS ASKED ME TO WRITE TO YOU ABOUT HIS GOINGS-ON ELSEWHERE
HE SAID HE WOULD DO THIS HIMSELF, BUT HE CAN'T ON ACCOUNT OF TOO MUCH WORK BEFORE HIM AFTER A LONG WEEKEND
I DID NOT KNOW SELF-ABUSE WHILE WATCHING THE WIGGLES WAS NOW REFERRED TO AS WORK
Hey!
WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS, IF YOU HAVE TIME TO PROTEST, YOU HAVE TIME TO WRITE A POST
Just write the thing and I'll let you have your scotch and ginger ale.
MINE MINE MINE
IT IS TIME TO GET STARTED. FIRST OF ALL THIS IDIOT SON OF MINE
Hello!
HAS BEEN BLOBBING ON A "WEBSITE" FOR BAROCK O'BOMBER. AS YOU CAN TELL I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE WITH A NAME SO REMINISCENT OF THE IRA AND OTHER DRUNKEN MISCREANTS
AS A REPUBLICAN, THOUGH, I FEEL SECURE IN MY POLITICAL STANCE
IF ANTHONY MORELLI IS ANY INDICATION OF MY SON'S POWERS, O'BOMBER WILL LOSE THE ELECTION BY 10 POINTS AND GO TO THE CFL
Yes we can! Yes we can!
YOU HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING
NEXT WE HAVE THE ISSUE OF A GREG SCHIANO, WITH WHOM I HAVE SPOKEN EXTENSIVELY, RECRUITING LIKE THE GANG BUSTERS IN NEW JERSEY
I TOOK A TRIP TO NEW JERSEY RECENTLY
IT WAS FULL OF TROLLS, MONSTERS, AND THE QUESTIONABLY ETHNIC
THE ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS
Wildcats.
SILENCE YOU GRINGO
Do you even know what that means? You don't, do you?
MR. PATERNO WILL BE FINE
I didn't say yo
THANK YOU
...
THE ARIZONA RATTLESNAKES WILL BE TAKING THEIR PLAYERS TO AN ARMY BASE IN THE DESERT FOR A PERIOD OF FOUR DAYS THIS SUMMER TO WORK WITH SOME REAL AMERICANS
I ONCE SPENT A YEAR ON AN ARMY BASE WITH GENERAL GEORGE PATTON. HE HAD A SAYING I WAS QUITE FOND OF
Oh, you mean "An army is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of bullshit."?
WHO THE HELL ARE YOU
NO
I AM REFERRING TO "FETCH ME A HOOKER WHILE I STUFF THIS ORPHAN FULL OF NUKES"
That doesn't even make
I SAID SILENCE YOU OVERGROWN IRISHMAN
I am not a filthy Ir
THEN WHOOPS BAM UNANNOUNCED POSTED A YOUTUBE OF MEN BEING FLATTENED
THIS I ACTUALLY HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH
DID YOU KNOW VIRGINIA TECH WILL BE UNIFORMLY AWFUL ON OFFENSE THIS YEAR
THIS IS ALL KARMIC RETRIBUTION FOR STEALING KEVIN JONES FROM US
What's up with you and Karma? Doesn't that seem a little... Eastern for your tastes?
ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOUR POLISH MOUTH AND I WILL CLAW YOUR EYES OUT WITH AN ANGERED BADGER
That doesn't seem
EN GARDE, FAT MAN
Yeep!
FINALLY, PEACE AND QUIET IN THE BLACK HEART GOLD PANTALOONS
GOOD CHRIST YOU SPANIARD, HOW MANY AOL ARTICLES DID YOU WRITE LAST WEEK
SECRETARY, FIND THAT DRUNK MISCREANT AND MAKE HIM ANSWER ME
He's hiding. He said you threatened him with a vicious land animal and he doesn't have health insurance.
HE IS JUST TIMID ENOUGH TO PLAY QUARTERBACK
New recruit!
I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO DISCUSS EVERYTHING THIS RETARD WROTE
IT IS TIME FOR THE JOEPA MEMORIAL LIGHTNING ROUND
Memorial?
BRAAAAAIIIIINSSSS
Aaaaaaaiiiiigh!!!
LET US SEE, WE HAVE A MICHIGAN MAN BLOWING A HEROIC .281 ON A DUI, WHICH SCARCELY BEATS OUT WHAT BOBBY ENGRAM AND I ACCOMPLISHED. ALSO THERE IS OKLAHOMA AND OKLAHOMA STATE RUNNING AROUND LIKE A BUNCH OF IRISH IN THE SNOW. THE SEC WANTS THEIR OWN BUILDING IN BIRMINGHAM, AND I WILL BET YOU FIFTY BUFFALO NICKELS IT WILL BE A TRAILER. A YOUNG MAN AT LOUISVILLE WAS SHOT IN THE BACK, WHICH IS A COWARDLY WAY TO ATTACK AN ENEMY. MUSKETS AT DAWN, THAT IS THE JOE PATERNO WAY. THE MIAMI HURRICANE FANS WILL STILL DRINK, BECAUSE WHAT OTHER WAY TO COME DOWN FROM SEVENTY-SEVEN STRAIGHT HOURS OF COCAINE AND SEX WITH MULTIPLE PARTNERS
OH, AND MAC FACTS
ANOTHER UNLISTED MAC FACT
WHILE THEY WERE NOT LOOKING, I COMMANDED MY ARMY OF DOZENS TO TAKE THEIR CAMPUSES
YOU MAY NOW REFER TO OHIO UNIVERSITY, THE UNIVERSITY OF TOLEDO, AND BOWLING GREEN AS MR. PATERNO'S MINIONS OF TERROR
So this means you have to coach 3 new teams, and they're all in the MAC? That hardly seems like that was a good decision.
WELL
GOD DAMN IT
41 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
MAC FACT!
Penn State is not at this time a member of the MAC. They just play like one!
"HS@BHGP: I'm the Dick Button of damn near everything"
Yea...
I mean we’re no Western Michigan, or even Iowa State, but we try hard…
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
Oh Jesus
Get over yourselves. Haven’t you picked up on it that this is all a big joke? You boys are dangerously close to reaching OSU levels of douchebaggery.
by imadirtyoldman on Jul 7, 2008 1:25 PM CDT up reply actions
touchy at all?
Those who make jokes should learn to take them as well.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
Hello kettle. Meet pot.
I’m not the touchy one, sir. I’m not the one crying about a little JoePa fun. The man is as old as dirt, you should expect this. But hey bro, say what you need to make yourself feel better.
by imadirtyoldman on Jul 7, 2008 1:32 PM CDT up reply actions
I didn't say a word about JoePa
He is old, the posts are funny.
You lost to Western Michigan and Iowa State last year. Also funny.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
Nay
They were a cheap shot in response to a humorously-intended post. While they may be funny in and of themselves, they were not meant to be humorous. They were meant to point and laugh at Iowa fans, whereas the point of the JoePa posts are to point and laugh at him being a crazy old man.
The two are totally different, and I’m afraid you don’t see the difference. Thus, because of your mental shortcomings, we’ll have to agree to disagree.
by imadirtyoldman on Jul 7, 2008 2:41 PM CDT up reply actions
Let me get this straight
It is okay to “point and laugh at…a crazy old man”, but you are going to whine when somebody mentions you lost a few football games? Here’s a cheap shot for you then, the crazy old man’s football team beat Iowa by three touchdowns last year.
But again, I never said anything about the JoePa post. The quote I responded to was Penn State plays like a MAC team. If anything it was a cheap shot in response to that, but it was hardly a cheap shot. If you can’t appreciate the irony in calling out Penn State for being worse than a MAC team, when in fact Iowa lost to a MAC team (two if you are still counting Penn State) last season, then I’m not the one with mental shortcomings.
Don’t be such a sore loser, it’s unbecoming.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
Yeah
but it was me, a MICHIGAN MAN, who started the PSU MAC thing, so why don’t you make an APPY STATE! joke, I’ll go SCOREBOARD~~
@ DECADE LONG WIN STREAK or something, and the internet will be returned to its normal state.
by Wolverine_Dex on Jul 7, 2008 3:19 PM CDT up reply actions
Michigan fans are great.
When are they opening up the "beat Penn State ten times in a row wing" at the hall of fame in Ann Arbor? You know Michigan fans are desperate to talk about anything other their record against Ohio State when they starting taking cracks at Penn State. Whatever, the record is what it is.
But what else has Michigan done recently? Any BCS wins? Undefeated Seasons? No? Just the Penn State thing. Well you guys must be totally satisfied then.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
appy state ha ha ha
Actually, you know Michigan fans are talking to a Penn St. fan when they bring up their record agaisnt Penn St. Desperation would be talking about Penn St. to an OSU fan. But we can do this your way if you want.
Ack Michigan can’t beat OSU, lost to GoGoAppySt., don’t win any BCS games, haven’t gone undefeated (except more recently than PSU ha ha ha 2005) and generally suck and are a plague on humanity but still manage to beat Penn. St. every year (including 2005.)
Since you asked. Yes, on that one weekend a year when Michigan beats Penn. St. I am satisfied. I also enjoy ruining Sparty’s day and the weekend when I get to watch a new youtube video setting ND’s follies to “Yakkety Sacks.” The WE BEAT PENN STATE wing will not constructed until the streak is over. Wouldn’t be prudent to do it any sooner.
Pardon me I have to go kick to Steve Breaston.
by blue-imafreak on Jul 8, 2008 8:53 AM CDT up reply actions
Let me help you out here
It’s spelled;
A-P-P-A-L-A-C-H-I-A-N
The least you guys could do is learn how to spell the name of their school. It’s just respectful. And I never mentioned them, your own guy did. Shit happens to all of us in college football.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
yes
1998 W 27-0
1999 W 31-27
2000 W 33-11
2001 W 20-0
2002 W 27-24
2005 W 27-25
2006 W 17-10
2007 W 14-9
Scoreboard~<img src="@~" alt="" />
In all seriousness, you aren’t real good at picking up the fact I was making fun of scoreboard taunting, are you?
by Wolverine_Dex on Jul 8, 2008 8:58 AM CDT up reply actions
That's some pretty good research
Now win a National Championship.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
Well
Unfortunately my eligibility ran out, so I can’t really do much there.
SCOREBOARD LOLZ NATIONAL TITLE LOLCOPTERS
by Wolverine_Dex on Jul 8, 2008 10:18 AM CDT up reply actions
Ladies and Gentlemen
I give you the leaders and the best.
For the Glory; National Champions 1982, 1986, 1994
for real?
A Michigan/Penn State pissing contest at our very own BHGP… in July?
This season is going to be fun.
by jebushchrist on Jul 8, 2008 11:02 AM CDT up reply actions
I was afraid this would happen
Iowa trolls are bad enough, but douchebags from the likes of PSU, OSU and UM are almost as bad as the SEC. Not cool.
by imadirtyoldman on Jul 8, 2008 12:35 PM CDT up reply actions
It's the "royal" douchebag, sir
You have to admit, PSU, OSU and UM have more trolls than anybody. And with the Jesse v. UM debate (supra), I thought my point was clear. My apologies to those fans of the aforementioned teams who don’t suck at life…
by imadirtyoldman on Jul 8, 2008 3:00 PM CDT up reply actions
Welcome to the Quagmire
watch it dirtyoldman, I can make the furious hoards of RR hating West Virginians appear. If I did that, and I can, you’d wish it was only us douchebags here. Reading even one of those raving diatribes will make you weep blood for the tortured English, murdered sentence structure and complete banishment of coherence and rational thought.
On the other hand, I do owe Hawkeye Land an apology. As fun as it was to mention 2005 to Jesse several times, it allowed him to criticize my spelling. Without my involvment his stupidity may have ceased tarnishing your world sooner.
by blue-imafreak on Jul 8, 2008 1:32 PM CDT up reply actions
Not sure
But I think another dozen comments will reduce it to a single letter vertical column.
by chitownhawkeye on Jul 9, 2008 9:30 AM CDT up reply actions
Scoreboard baiting is so much fun.
More fun than it ought to be, really.
Next up—call Penn State “a bunch of homos,” enjoy Fantasia-esque fireworks, dancing inanimate objects.
"HS@BHGP: I'm the Dick Button of damn near everything"
We'll agree to disagree, Jesstopher.
Your point seems decent on the surface, but I’m never one to disagree with a MAC FACT!. Sorry.
"HS@BHGP: I'm the Dick Button of damn near everything"
Speaking of big hits...
One of my favorites behind Murphy’s and Yanda’s was Matt Roth’s on Purdue’s Ben Jones.
3:30 into this bad boy… I laugh every time…
http://scothawk.com/flvswfpublish/2004highlights/2004purdue.swf
Mr. Paterno really put OPS in his place...
“I DID NOT KNOW SELF-ABUSE WHILE WATCHING THE WIGGLES WAS NOW REFERRED TO AS WORK”
That quote, kind sir, is classic! Well done!
Love it
Michigan fan admits to being the starter of the MAC thing, and the PSU fan, instead of saying “Well fuck, I screwed up,” says “YEAH, WELL, UH, YOU SUCK! YOU CAN’T BEAT OHIO STATE YOU BUNCH OF PUSSIES!” Nicely done, Nittany. Kudos for all your hard work.
GOOD CHRIST YOU SPANIARD
How does Mr. Paterno feel about Spain’s epic wins in the Euro 2008 and Wimbledon? That is, if he is even familiar with sports other than mid-20th century American football.
May no act of ours bring shame
I pissed.....
....myself here….
HAS BEEN BLOBBING ON A "WEBSITE" FOR BAROCK O'BOMBER. AS YOU CAN TELL I DO NOT TRUST ANYONE WITH A NAME SO REMINISCENT OF THE IRA AND OTHER DRUNKEN MISCREANTSAS A REPUBLICAN, THOUGH, I FEEL SECURE IN MY POLITICAL STANCEIF ANTHONY MORELLI IS ANY INDICATION OF MY SON'S POWERS, O'BOMBER WILL LOSE THE ELECTION BY 10 POINTS AND GO TO THE CFL....and then once again ended up pantless!!!!!!
Truly amazing work OPS.
by hawkfaninboston on Jul 8, 2008 12:24 AM CDT reply actions
50%....
....of my posts are 90% alcohol free.
Also, I am currently living in Califorinia, so I am on SPECIFIC TIME.
by hawkfaninboston on Jul 10, 2008 9:43 PM CDT up reply actions
My hope
Is that Jay Paterno will be blobbing some messages and forget that he has to be at a football game this season. I’m pretty sure the old sandlot play “everybody go deep” would work just as well as anything Jay dreams up on his PS2
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
Certain photos copyright © 2012 by Associated Press or Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Associated Press and Getty Images is strictly prohibited.
