Big Ten Media Day "Liveblog": Rich Rodriguez Press Conference

Dickrodicon_medium   If you have not paid
Attention to the sports news
I am not Lloyd Carr

You can call me Rich
My name is Rich Rodriguez
I coach the football

I have come today
To Chicago Illinois
To answer questions

Iconpresser_medium   Coach Rodriguez, who will be your starting quarterback?

Dickrodicon_medium  Steven Threet will start
The season behind center
Until Pat White defects

Iconpresser_medium  Coach, you have one starter returning on offense, your quarterback has never taken a snap in a college game, and you're installing a completely different offensive system.  Is there any chance your team will actually put some points on the board this year?

Dickrodicon_medium  Until Pat White defects
I imagine we will run
The Wing T offense

Am I the only one
Who feels a bit of a draft?
Get my leather coat

Iconpresser_medium  Rich, how have you adjusted to life at Michigan?

Dickrodicon_medium  Before Michigan
I never owned a necktie
I had to buy one

I called my dad and
Told him I never learned how
To tie a necktie

He told me to cross
The big side over the small
Then under, over

Then under again
Then up through the little hole
Then down to my belt

 

Iconpresser_medium  Sir, if I might interje...

Dickrodicon_medium  I miss the mountains
Where nobody cared if I
Wore a turtleneck

Also it is cold
And there are unemployed folks
Asking me for change

I gave all my cash
To West Virginia so they
Would not sue my ass

Iconpresser_medium  What about your defense, Rich?

Dickrodicon_medium  Thank God we have guys
Who want to play on defense
we might win two games

Bobzookicon_medium   Uh, coach Rodriguez?

Dickrodicon_medium  Hey, aren't you Ron Zook?
You look exactly like a
Bizarro Ron Zook

Bobzookicon_medium  Um, actually, I'm Bob Zook, Black Heart Gold Pants.  Coach, why are you speaking in haiku?

Dickrodicon_medium  Like ninja football
Haiku is a beautiful
Japanese art form

(sniffs, cringes)

Hey, who crapped their pants?
It must be someone closeby
Probably Barwis

Bobzookicon_medium  Sorry, Rich.  I can't smell that.

Dickrodicon_medium  How can you not smell
That awful stench coming from
Barwis' colon?

Bobzookicon_medium  Russian Reversal syndrome.  I can't smell anything.  I have no sense of smell.

Dickrodicon_medium  You're telling me that
In communist Russia the
Government smells you?

Bobzookicon_medium  Exactly.

Dickrodicon_medium  You look like Garthe Knight
From that television show
Starring Hasselhoff

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