Murder, Sir?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Jul 16, 2008 9:54 AM CDT Comment 8 comments

It looks like the Gainesville Sun is just the latest to fall victim to breathless hyperbole and outright falsehoods in order to sell papers. Observe:

A high school football star from southwest Florida is charged with fatally shooting a man during a robbery.

Brooks is a promising quarterback and running back for Lakewood Ranch High School. As a junior last year, he threw for 604 yards and six touchdowns, while rushing for another 631 yards and seven scores.

Okay, "football star"? "Promising"? This kid isn't even on Scout or Rivals--believe me, I checked. So don't titillate me with language like that unless I can pull something up that says Nick Saban was recruiting him or something equally gold.

Fucking bullshit.

0 recs | Comment 8 comments

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

See...

The sheriff’s office said Brooks shot White in the neck after robbing him of a necklace during a marijuana deal.

Now that’s the type of thing that needs to be in NCAA ‘09.

by Buddy Light on Jul 16, 2008 10:03 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

But I don't have enough discipline points to suspend him for the season!

SANCTIONS. EPIC FAIL.

"Bob Zook has to be the laziest man alive"

by Hawkeye State on Jul 16, 2008 10:43 AM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Attributes

I assume his Attributes look something like this:

Timothy Brooks – QB – Scrambler **
Bradenton, FL – Lakewood H.S.

Top 3 Schools – FIU, USF, Miami

Height – 5’11”
Weight – 190 lbs
40 Yard Dash – 4.20
Bench Press – 420 lbs
Squat – 420 lbs
GPA – 2.9 (surprisingly)

Field Awareness – Poor
Discipline – Very Poor
Arm Strength – Bullet
Accuracy – Average
Potential – 25 to life

by Buddy Light on Jul 16, 2008 12:09 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Tremendous work, Budweiser Light.

Tasteless but still amazing, just like hummus.

"This cream cheese story is good .But we can add some other story about the cream cheese." - Dr. Retarded

by Oops Pow Surprise on Jul 16, 2008 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I love...

I love how they immediately report his pedestrian high school stats as part of a murder story. I see SEC priorities are embedded everywhere in that part of the country.

[insert prohpetic yet obnoxiously haughty and annoying quote here]

by J Money BS on Jul 16, 2008 1:06 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Pedestrian?

How do you know he wasn’t hurt most of the season and those 1200+ combined yards and 13 touchdowns weren’t in ONE GAME? Huh?

by DonnyDonovan on Jul 16, 2008 1:36 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Well...

In Week 11 he had a 99 KO return for a TD. But since he’d be battling the flu all week he missed the rest of the 1st half in a disappointing loss. He did go on to throw a TD in 2nd half though. Now this… maybe the U will have a spot for him.

(And yes, I spent way too much time this morning researching this story. Luckily my boss doesn’t stare over my shoulder.)

by Buddy Light on Jul 16, 2008 2:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs