Ron Zook Runs Into Tim Brewster

[Minnesota coach Tim Brewster is walking down the hall of a Wisconsin high school, talking with the high school's head coach]

Footballcoachicon_medium   ...He runs a 4.6 40, he's a hurdler and a high jumper on the track team, hands soft as a hooker's ass.  He'd be a perfect fit for Minnesota.

Brewstericon_medium   FIGHT TRY BEST WIN

Footballcoachicon_medium  Heh heh heh, you got it, coach!

Brewstericon_medium  Gopher Nation demands a quarterback!

Footballcoachicon_medium  Quarterback?  Coach, don't you have about 17 quarterbacks?  Your returning starter is only a sophomore, and your son is a freshman, right?

Brewstericon_medium  Don't pretend you're attuned to the shifting winds inside Gopher Nation, paean!  The Gopher House of Representatives demands another signal caller!  Specifically, I'm looking for Vince Young

Footballcoachicon_medium  Well coach, I can tell you my quarterback ain't the next Vince Yo

Brewstericon_medium  SUCCESS WIN TRY FIGHT EXCELSIOR

Footballcoachicon_medium  Heh heh, absolutely coach!  Well, my quarterback is a junior, he's 6'4", 220, arm like a Howitzer, runs like a meth addict being chased by

Brewstericon_medium  BEST WIN SUPER SERENDIPITY WIN WIN BEST is this quarterback you speak of familiar with the road to Pasadena?

Footballcoachicon_medium  Um, I don't know if he knows it off the top of his head, but I'm sure he can read a road atlas

Brewstericon_medium  Excellent.  Bring WIN BIG TEN CHAMPIONS SUPER TERRIFIC ROSE BOWL TRY FIGHT WIN WIN WIN him to me.

Footballcoachicon_medium  Well, I can't get you the quarterback, but I'll bring you that safety.  Sit tight.

Brewstericon_medium  I will stand at attention in this spot until you TRY FIGHT HARD TEST return.

Footballcoachicon_medium  [Leaves]

Zookicon_medium   [Walking down hall, texting, drinking Red Bull; stumbles into Brewster]

Zookicon_medium  Tim!

Brewstericon_medium  WIN

Zookicon_medium  Whazzup, broseph?

 

Brewstericon_medium  What are you doing in the hallowed GOPHER NATION WIN PASADENA halls of this fine institution of FIGHT TRY WIN FIGHT learning?

Zookicon_medium  [Hides cellphone behind his back, continues no-look texting]  Aw shit, y'all know how the game rolls.  Bitches in the front, bitches in the back!  Da Zooker's gotta keep rollin'!

[Pleasantries continue; meanwhile, in a dorm room at the University of Minnesota]

Clintbrewstericon_medium   Man, I CANNOT WAIT for the new Incubus album!  It's gonna be off the hook for sure!

Cellphone2icon_medium   BEEP

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Who would be text messaging me in the middle of the day?

Cellphone2icon_medium   Text1_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  I'm not supposed to receive text messages from unlisted numbers.  I can't imagine who hacked my cell

Cellphone2icon_medium Text2_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Uh...I do?

Cellphone2icon_medium Text3_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Seriously, I don't know what the hell this

Cellphone2icon_medium Text4_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Oh shit.  Zook?  What do you wa

Cellphone2icon_medium Text5_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  I don't swing that way, Ron

Cellphone2icon_medium Text6_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  But what about my dad?  I can't transfer.  It'll break his

Cellphone2icon_medium Text7_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Let me ask you one question:  Do you have motivational Tourette's?

Cellphone2icon_medium Text8_medium

Clintbrewstericon_medium  Sold!  Woo! EYE ELL ELL!  EYE EN EYE!

Cellphone2icon_medium Text9_medium

[Meanwhile, back at the high school]

Brewstericon_medium  So then I told Vince's mom that I was Supreme Allied Commander of the North Altantic Treaty FIGHT TRY WIN WIN FIGHT

Cellphoneicon_medium   RING

Brewstericon_medium  Why, hello son!  What's that?  But, why would you... I don't understand... This makes WIN FIGHT HARD TRY no sense... Well [sniffle] if that's your choice [hangs up phone]

Zookicon_medium [Puts phone away, slowly smiles, tents fingers]

Brewstericon_medium  That was my son Clint.  He's decided to transfer away from Minn

Zookicon_medium  I KNOW!  HE'S PLAYING FOR THE ZOOKER!  BOOM, MOTHERFUCKER!  BOOM! [Finishes Red Bull, smashes can on head, runs out the door]

Footballcoachicon_medium   Coach Brewster, I'd like to introduce you to Shawn

Brewstericon_medium  FIGHT FIGHT TRY FIGHT PASADENA WIN kind sir, I am going to need to meet that quarterback...

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Join Black Heart Gold Pants

You must be a member of Black Heart Gold Pants to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Black Heart Gold Pants. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker