Carver-Hawkeye Renovations Blah Blah Blah BOOZE

Good news for the positively ancient Carver-Hawkeye Arena (don't worry, you're still probably older) Thursday, as The Iowa Board of Regents approved a $47 million proposal to renovate the arena (Pictures are available through the UI site here). The big news is courtside and club seats, heretofore foreign to CHA, replacing collapsible bleachers. Other improvements, to be finished in 2011, include the following:

  • A much-needed practice facility to more easily accomodate the practice schedules of the volleyball and basketball teams;
  • Expansions for the weight and fitness training facilities;
  • something something
  • Happy_medium

    Yes, for the first time ever, Carver-Hawkeye will be serving the firewater. But celebrate not, common fan; you'll have to bring your flask just like always:

    Courtside and club seating also buys access into a planned lounge, where alcohol will be allowed. Barta said details of an alcohol policy still need nailed down, but said the alcohol will be out of public view.

    Oh you dick. Further, buying into these ticket plans may not be the most economical avenue toward getting your Budweiser on while you watch sports; courtside seats will be as much as 10 Gs* a year with a 10-year guarantee. Oh, and Iowa hopes you won't mind "donating" another $15,000. Per annum. Ah, but the donation deal only lasts five years, so by Year 6, it's like a 60% discount! Think of the money you'll be saving! At those prices, you'd be insane not to take the deal. The club seats, by the way, follow the same structure, but at a tenth of the price, meaning you'd only save a tenth of the money in your sixth year (BOOOOOO!!!) if you decide not to re-up your donation.

    Sadly, the renovations don't make CHA perfect; for as much as normal fans will enjoy the absolutely nothing that changes for them, there are some improvements that we'll just have to wait to see. They include the following:

    • Obstructed seats Character
    • An improved, flatter ceiling so the place isn't an acoustic black hole
    • Electrified rims, not to kill anyone, but just enough to teach that cocky E'Twuan Moore fucker a lesson next time he goes up strong
    • Reinforced titanium cage to house Casey MacMillan at courtside, effectively scaring the will to live out of opponents
    • A reliable point guard

    Other than that, we should be solid.


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