For all you college students out there, it's time for the BHGP Final Exam. You have one hour. Good luck, and remember that it's not cheating if you found it on Wikipedia.
(1) West Des Moines Valley offensive tackle and possible victim of gigantism David Barrent gave a verbal commitment to Iowa this weekend. Scout.com currently lists him as a 4-star recruit. He received offers from Iowa State, Minnesota, Illinois, Nebraska, Michigan State, and Northwestern. Rank those schools in the order of their fans' hatred for Iowa, from most to least.
One of these things will make Pat Harty's head explode:
(A) A comb.
(B) Pictures of unicorns. Morbidly obese unicorns.
(C) A BHGP link in the Press-Citizen's message board.
(3) Ryan Perriloux has been excommunicated by Les Miles. He plans to work as:
(A) Starting quarterback of the AFL's Grand Rapids (Recliners of) Rage.
(B) 60 billion dime bag man.
(C) Dominique Douglas' personal banker.
(4) Before there was Buzz Bissinger, Michael Wilbon, or Bill Conlin, there was the Des Moines Register's Nancy Clark. When these four aren't stuffing themselves full of complimentary cheese and crackers, they're taking pot shots at bloggers.
Your question: Steel cage death match. Who wins?
If a Schrutebuck has a cash value of 1/100th of one cent, and a Chizik nickel is worth 3/1000th of one Schrutebuck, how many Chizik nickels does it take to pay Todd Blythe's practice squad salary?
(6) Write 500 words on the state of Iowa football. Extra credit if you can avoid profanity. Good fucking luck.
That's it. That's the final. Grades will be posted in two weeks. Now go get a job, slackers.