The Mancott Lives! IT LIVES!
by Patrick Vint on Mar 5, 2008 12:40 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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PrintEDSBS mastermind Orson Swindle gets email. His most recent check of the ol' email inbox included this:
Hi EDSBS,
I do blogger/online outreach for Outback Steakhouse and wanted to give you the chance to visit the restaurant and join the 20th birthday celebration of the Bloomin’ Onion. Would you be interested in a gift card to use with friends and family? Use the gift card to take advantage of the full bar and watch a game in a great sports environment with good food.
Please let me know if you’re interested.
Naturally, I checked my email inbox, looking for my own Bloomin' Onion gift card. I found nothing. Nada. Zilch. Well, you know what, Outback blogger outreach program?
The Mancott is back! You snubbed us for your bowl game. You didn't answer our various emails of protest. You forgot to bring that second loaf of your scrumptious bread to my table. And now, you don't even give us the free Bloomin' Onion we so deserve.
You've walked into a buzzsaw, Outback Steakhouse. In February, we might have let it slide, but it's now Marchifornication. You will pay for your crimes.
By the power vested in me by nobody in particular, I declare the Mancott resumes! We will not stop until your restaurants lie in ruins and the tears of your former employees flavor our pineapple-chipotle margaritas.
Well, that or a free Bloomin' Onion. It's 20 years old, after all.
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Mancott Tales Of Strength
I was driving through Coralville, and my friend was all, "you wanna go to Outback?" and I was all, "NOPE!" So we didn't.
One sale lost, Outback. There will be more.
For every Outback meal that you pass up
I refuse to allow you to kill my beloved Outback Steakhouse with your extremist tactics. Where else can I get delicious, authentic Australian cuisine and that wonderful "no worries" atmosphere? Australia? You'd think so, but no! I've been there and there wasn't a Bloomin' Onion in sight! Clearly they've lost touch with their roots. That's why the Outback Steakhouse is so important. Maybe the rest of the sheep reading this blog will go along with your silly little "mancott" but not I!
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Mar 5, 2008 3:37 PM CST up reply actions
and another tale
I was walking through the parking lot of Petco and I saw a man with a carry-out bag from the Outback in the adjoining lot. I slapped the bag from his hands and punched him on the ear. He went down on one knee and genuflected before me. I bellowed into his teary eyes and marched away from him.
I mean, this was yesterday, before I knew the Mancott was back, but still.
Viva La Mancott!
HA!
On the side of the mancott: a bunch of jackoffs who make jokes about Fergie's vagina.
Do you see Mancotters? You will accomplish nothing! Give up now!
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Mar 5, 2008 4:03 PM CST up reply actions
Sir
In light of the injustices of the 2005 OUTBACK BOWL, I urge you to carefully consider upon which side you place your loyalties.
The University of Florida is no less an enemy than the Outbackers themselves.
Certainly, mistakes were made
But may I remind you, sir, that the University Florida also gave us the following:
- The joyous visual of that doofy bastard Nathan Chandler doofing his way into the endzone on a "scramble"
- The rights to use [name redacted] and that "chomp" taunt
- Z to the motherfucking 'ook
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Mar 5, 2008 4:33 PM CST up reply actions
Mancottees
You see that? There, behind the bloated head of Outback CEO A. William "Bill" Allen? That is THE ENTIRE STATE OF WISCONSIN out in the warm weather, jumping around, sucking fried onion into their mouths like dying fish.
The conspiracy is vast, and it must be brought to light.
You know who else loves Outback?
That's right, Chad Fucking Greenway. Who the hell are you to argue with Chad Greenway?
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Mar 5, 2008 7:00 PM CST reply actions
Adam, your forgot
by big11th blog on Mar 5, 2008 7:08 PM CST reply actions
oh come ooonnnn
this thread was killer and then i show up and ruined it.
now if you'll excuse i'll be over at BSD with the other 2 psu basketball fans.
horey 18 point underdogs!
by big11th blog on Mar 5, 2008 7:47 PM CST reply actions
ok
just as long as we aren't mancotting the OG, we're good.
No way I'm giving up unlimited salad and breadsticks...for anyone.
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