ITEM! These are ITEMS!

Not much time to spare at BHGP Industries, so let's crank through these quicklike.

ITEM! GoldPantsPal storminspank has filled out a bracket with the help of a Triscuit box. We applaud this maneuver, and anyone else who wants to try something similar is encouraged to share the results with us. We were about to take great umbrage with his plainly evident hatred of the Drake Bulldogs, but upon further consideration, this is clearly the work of Nabisco. Is a MANCOTT of Kraft Foods brewing in the Des Moines metro area? Should one?? (yes)

ITEM! The Iowa women, thankfully, have been spared the hate-filled discrimination from the NCAA, Outback Steakhouse, and the city of Tampa. The Hawkeyes were named to the NCAA Women's Tournament yesterday, receiving a 9 seed. They face Georgia tomorrow, and in all likelihood North Carolina should they advance. The game's at 1 PM on Sunday afternoon in Norfolk, VA. Round-trip airfare out of Chicago leaving Friday and returning Wednesday (because come on, Georgia's going down) are... let's see... Jesus, $477? Okay, um, I'm sure it'll be on TV somewhere.

ITEM! Fans of My Morning Jacket, rejoice: Their entire 2-hour set from SXSW is available for listening on NPR, including eight new songs from their upcoming June release, Evil Urges. The review is here, and a link to listen to the entire show, commercial free (except for a 12-second, boilerplate public radio message) is near the top of the article. If you do not, in fact, like My Morning Jacket, then meet at the Pentacrest at noon for a duel with pistols. Wait, that's pretty close. Can we make it 1? I haven't eaten yet.

ITEM! Our toughest first-round matchup in the NCAA tournament is, without a doubt, Drake vs. Western Kentucky.  It's Adam Emmenecker vs. Kige Ramsey, people! How can you choose? Drake is, for obvious reasons, near and dear to BHGP's hearts, but so is the Kiger Tiger. Who can forget Kige's romantic tryst with Big Red or his revolutionary vision of 21st century dermatology? We're heartbroken. For what it's worth, Kige says Drake is a "good matchup" for Western, then follows it up with his most incisive analysis to date.

ITEM! Elton John couldn't make it here, but we found someone better!