OPEN THREAD: IOWA BEGINS THEIR MARCH ON SAN ANTONIO
I wasn't kidding - Iowa's going to win the Big 10 Tournament and their march on San Antonio begins today with a win against Michigan. I could preach about how this is going to happen, but I won't do that. Only 1 fact is relevant here - Iowa has the best tournament record of any Big 10 team at Conseco Fieldhouse. Anything else is superfluous (and totally damaging to my theory) and I refuse to discuss it.
Join us today for commentary on the game, the first signs of March daytime drunkenness, and a special appearance by J Leman [seriously?--ed.] [probably not, but teasers always lie.--JHC.].
Go Hawkeyes!!!!!
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We may be down 15-7 in reality,
...but in my mind, we're already up 65-3. Also, The Virus has 45 points.
Woooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!! GO HAWKS!!!!
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:22 AM CDT reply actions
New and interesting ways to turn the ball over
Tony Freeman dribbles the ball so long, Cy Tate falls asleep in the paint and is called for a 3 second violation.
"Cyrus 'mezmerized' by Tony's dribbling..."
Gotta be the first mezmerization by TF's dribbling, ever.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions
Iowa's CLAWING back!
Always good to hear Dolph say things like, "After being down 13, the Hawkeyes are within 11."
For some reason
I sort of like listening to these games when Iowa's getting blown out. I enjoy hearing Gary Dolphin give up on the inside.
Listen, pal
He's a third team all-Big 10 player. You can't go around hating the most celebrated member of the team.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions
25-11
Michigan's fifth three of the game, and they're on pace for 15.
Meanwhile, Iowa has somehow just committed back-to-back charges. I'm not sure I've ever seen that before.
Cyrus the Virus
Is playing like it's the second half. He's throwing around some D too. This is good to see (in the final game of his career)!
He's a junior!
I'll not have you impugn my son's integrity, Jebus.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:40 AM CDT up reply actions
I assumed
you'd pressure him to declare for the draft.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:43 AM CDT up reply actions
My son
should do whatever he feels is best. I'm not an overbearing dad.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions
BTN announcer guy-
"Wolverines up by 10, at the moment..."
as if Iowa can score 11 points and take the lead in a moment's time.
It's early
Indianapolis is a city that sleeps late.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:41 AM CDT up reply actions
Indianapolis is a city?
I always just assumed the "-opolis" was you know, just for looks.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions
27-18 now
Tate has hit 3 straight free throws, which for him is like Cal Murphy hitting 50 in a row.
In related news
Calvin Murphy just impregnated 4 more women.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions
Single parenthood isn't funny
and neither is AIDS.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:49 AM CDT up reply actions
They have a cure for AIDS now, didn't you hear?
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:50 AM CDT up reply actions
um...
So after some investigative reporting, I just found that of the women 14 Murphy impregnated illegitimately, 5 were his own illegitimate daughters, so... that was probably in poor taste.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions
this is awesome
Iowa is making their comeback by having Cyrus the Virus at the free throw line. This is hilarious.
I was gonna say the same
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions
Seth!!!!
I love Seth Gorney.
Why do we suck so bad? I mean, I understand I should already know this but, by golly, Michigan is horrible!
by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT reply actions
thank you
last thing we need is a third foul in the final minute of the half.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT up reply actions
I...
hate listening on the radio.
I will now go to the bar and get bombwasted so my coworkers smell booze on my breathe when I get back. Then I'll get fired. Then I'll find JR Angle....
by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:46 AM CDT reply actions
Hey, it's Justin Johnson!
Remember him????
Good to see Iowa not even trying on the defensive glass. It has cost them, what, 7 points?
34-25 Michigan at the break.
Andrew McCarthy's ears perk up
quickly realizing it's a false alarm, he goes back to rifling through my garbage for scraps.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions
The polls are still open!
OPS is making a comeback on Pat Harty, he's now down just 22-18.
dmbmeg continues to dominate (RAWRRRRRRR!!!) J Leman, 46-28.
If you haven't voted, do so now.
VOTE OPS
I guarantee you I will never subject you to an OopsPowvalanche. Isn't that enough?
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions
In that case,
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions
This is just the beginning
We will do our part to destroy our nation's workplace productivity throughout March.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions
40 seconds into the 2nd half
Michigan has already scored five points and forced an Iowa timeout. Attaboy, Hawks.
And a turnover
Don't forget the turnover!!
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:08 PM CDT up reply actions
Thank God we have Alex Thompson
I actually partied with him in December.
Do you remember him having the qualities of a used bag of douche?
A-Thomp
I do remember being stunned at how bad he was at basketball. That probably has to do with the fact that [name redacted] was coaching him.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:12 PM CDT up reply actions
Crazy thing is
He's decent on defense at least, and people have wanted him to start at times.
I can't watch the game, so let's just go back to dreaming about Brody.
[sigh]
For clarification's sake
I am referring to a 3-point bucket by Michigan Wolverine DeShawn Sims, not the third iteration of the popular "The Sims" computer game franchise.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:14 PM CDT up reply actions
Banging head slowly against the wall
it is the only thing that makes the pain go away
by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:15 PM CDT reply actions
I wonder where Jess Settles is right now?
Probably doing coke off of some hooker.
or watching the game.
Or both.
Apple turnovers for everybody!
Ball tipped off of Gorney, TO #11 for Iowa. Michigan leads 44-29. I want to start drinking right now.
It's like I tell my wife every night
it will all be over soon enough.
by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:18 PM CDT reply actions
Yep
Only with this, we're all crying.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Actually, it more of a hysterical laughter
the tears tried up long, long ago
by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:22 PM CDT up reply actions
Dear Iowa
You know how when you're down by 13 with two minutes to go and scrap the offense and start jacking shots up and you actually do better? Do that now while you're not completely out of contention.
Seth's height is immeasurable
It's kinda like trying to weigh light.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
That's part of his Zen training
The Lotus Blossom plays like he's 6'2" on a regular basis.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions
I'd cry too
if I looked that much like Herb Tarlek.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:29 PM CDT up reply actions
In two years
we will be laughing with the guys BB team all the way to the final four [of the ladies NIT].
by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT reply actions
Can't really blame them -
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions
Dolph is excited
because Iowa is already in the 1&1 bonus with 9 minutes and change to go. Dolph has apparently never watched the Hawkeyes shoot free throws.
my god
Tate got fucking hammered there and they missed the call. Good thing they whistled the second one.
Jesus
There hasn't been a single field goal in the last 7 minutes, for either team.
I'm going to set my brain on fire.
Cyrus Tate IS the Iowa offense
And the Iowa offense is apparently all about making half their free throws
Hey
I may be coming to IC for the game in fall.
I'll remember to stay away from Jebus.
My goal is to track down the Gornstar and get a picture with him.
I was there in 2004 and 2002.
I've been to two games at Kinnick and one at CHA.
I've been trying really hard to fit a Jake Christensen joke into today's conversation, but I'm waiting for that opportunity to arise.
Virus's Bricks
Are so bricky they're audible over radio. Nice.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:44 PM CDT up reply actions
Well I guess it's time...
... and thus began... the greatest comeback that Conseco Fieldhouse had ever seen. The pullout bleachers were fully extended, as was effort of the Iowa Hawkeyes...
"The frozen tundra...
...of Iowa's shooting touch"
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions
people don't need scores
they need VD jokes
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions
I fucking hate Ed Hightower
This aint Juilliard, mother fucker, just blow the whistle and get out of the goddamn way.
Nail in the coffin 3 for Michigan
49-37.
Iowa's strategery of coming back from a double-digit deficit without hitting a single field goal seems to be foolish at this point.
by Adam Jacobi on Mar 13, 2008 12:49 PM CDT up reply actions
Oh. My. God.
"This is about as homely a second half as I can remember." -Dolph
Iowa, down big late, commits a shot clock violation. Unreal.
Unreal? Yes.
Somehow still unsurprising? Also yes.
I can hear the sucking all the way up here in Chicago.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions
and I'm done
Down by 12, 3:30 left, and we let the shot clock expire.
That's it.
Goodbye 2007 Hawkeye athletic season. Go.
Iowa actually went on a 7-0 run
From 44-29 to 44-36.
Trouble is, it took over 9 minutes, so nobody noticed.
That's not a run
that's a naked quadrapalegic pulling himself along a broken glass-strewn alley by his chin. With a 45 LB plate on his back.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:56 PM CDT up reply actions
I imagine you guys will watch ISU tonight
Cause I doubt you've gotten your fill of shitty basketball yet.
I will
I'm watching basketball non-stop for the next month. We'll have open threads here for most, if not all, of the upcoming tournament days.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions
STOP THE PRESSES
Iowa has converted a field goal!
53-43, late late late. Then Jake Kelly fouls the best free thrower Michigan's got. This shit's over.
I'm glad I'm not watching this on TV
Listening to it is bad enough to give my ears AIDS. Watching it would probably make my brain melt and my butthole to seal itself shut.
Or something.
by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions
I don't know what to do with myself
Does this mean that everything I believe about Marchifornication is a lie? Is it not the most magical time of the year? I just don't know anymore. I had a dream, and that dream was for Iowa to be the first team from a major conference to be a 16 seed in the NCAA tournament. And now that dream is dead. Deader than Don Knotts dead.
by Adam @ Black Heart Gold Pants on Mar 13, 2008 1:14 PM CDT reply actions
It's best this way
We can shed the anchor that was the Hawkeyes and truly enjoy the rest of the season. All pain and disappointment are gone now. Dead.
Marchifornication rolls on.
by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions
True
But you know what? I really wanted to watch the Hawks slap Jason Bohannon around tomorrow but Noooooooo, we have to miss every shot we took.
Can't wait for Gorney to be the, oh probably, 8th overall pick in the NBA draft.
Goodbye Seth. We had fun.
by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 2:10 PM CDT reply actions

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