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OPEN THREAD: IOWA BEGINS THEIR MARCH ON SAN ANTONIO

I wasn't kidding - Iowa's going to win the Big 10 Tournament and their march on San Antonio begins today with a win against Michigan. I could preach about how this is going to happen, but I won't do that. Only 1 fact is relevant here - Iowa has the best tournament record of any Big 10 team at Conseco Fieldhouse. Anything else is superfluous (and totally damaging to my theory) and I refuse to discuss it.

Join us today for commentary on the game, the first signs of March daytime drunkenness, and a special appearance by J Leman [seriously?--ed.] [probably not, but teasers always lie.--JHC.].

Go Hawkeyes!!!!!

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We may be down 15-7 in reality,

...but in my mind, we're already up 65-3.  Also, The Virus has 45 points.

Woooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!  GO HAWKS!!!!

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:22 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

20-7

All hell is breaking loose. Again.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:22 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Good gravy

Iowa can't stop giving the ball away. This might be over by the half.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:25 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

This is not good

Not the start we wanted, to be sure.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:26 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

sigh

Fuck.  Shut up Dolph.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:26 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

New and interesting ways to turn the ball over

Tony Freeman dribbles the ball so long, Cy Tate falls asleep in the paint and is called for a 3 second violation.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

22-9 now

But we will lead at the half. I can feel it.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Are you a masochist?

Listen to the game at KSCJ.com.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

"Cyrus 'mezmerized' by Tony's dribbling..."

Gotta be the first mezmerization by TF's dribbling, ever.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:27 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Iowa's CLAWING back!

Always good to hear Dolph say things like, "After being down 13, the Hawkeyes are within 11."

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:28 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

For some reason

I sort of like listening to these games when Iowa's getting blown out. I enjoy hearing Gary Dolphin give up on the inside.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:31 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Listen, pal

He's a third team all-Big 10 player. You can't go around hating the most celebrated member of the team.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:33 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

25-11

Michigan's fifth three of the game, and they're on pace for 15.

Meanwhile, Iowa has somehow just committed back-to-back charges. I'm not sure I've ever seen that before.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:32 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

We got Michigan playing our game now

They're trying to "out turnover" the Hawkeyes?
Bitch, please.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:35 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I like how Hansen

thinks Tate will make this free throw.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:35 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Cyrus the Virus

Is playing like it's the second half. He's throwing around some D too. This is good to see (in the final game of his career)!

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:36 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

He's a junior!

I'll not have you impugn my son's integrity, Jebus.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:40 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

I assumed

you'd pressure him to declare for the draft.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:43 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

My son

should do whatever he feels is best. I'm not an overbearing dad.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

BTN announcer guy-

"Wolverines up by 10, at the moment..."

as if Iowa can score 11 points and take the lead in a moment's time.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:37 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

It's early

Indianapolis is a city that sleeps late.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:41 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Indianapolis is a city?

I always just assumed the "-opolis" was you know, just for looks.  

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

27-18 now

Tate has hit 3 straight free throws, which for him is like Cal Murphy hitting 50 in a row.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:41 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

In related news

Calvin Murphy just impregnated 4 more women.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

get it?

"related news"...
forget it

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

um...

So after some investigative reporting, I just found that of the women 14 Murphy impregnated illegitimately, 5 were his own illegitimate daughters, so... that was probably in poor taste.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

this is awesome

Iowa is making their comeback by having Cyrus the Virus at the free throw line. This is hilarious.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

Justin Johnson drives to the hoop?!?!?!

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:42 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Good god

Tony Freeman might foul out with 5 charges.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:43 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I was gonna say the same
Which would actually be sort of cool, in a nauseating sort of way.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Seth!!!!

I love Seth Gorney.

Why do we suck so bad?  I mean, I understand I should already know this but, by golly, Michigan is horrible!

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:44 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

jesus

get The Virus outta there!

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:46 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

thank you

last thing we need is a third foul in the final minute of the half.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:47 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

I...

hate listening on the radio.

I will now go to the bar and get bombwasted so my coworkers smell booze on my breathe when I get back. Then I'll get fired. Then I'll find JR Angle....

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:46 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Matt

Can Matt Gatens play yet?

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 11:48 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Hey, it's Justin Johnson!

Remember him????

Good to see Iowa not even trying on the defensive glass. It has cost them, what, 7 points?

34-25 Michigan at the break.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:49 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

SETH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

way to block out, kid...

Iowa down 34-25 at the half

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:49 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

that BTN "reporter"

was stiffer than a wedding prick. It was like a sequel to Mannequin.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:50 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Andrew McCarthy's ears perk up

quickly realizing it's a false alarm, he goes back to rifling through my garbage for scraps.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:53 AM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Sterling A/T ratio, Hawkeyes

.375/1 is outstanding work. Cocksuckers.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 11:57 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

The polls are still open!

OPS is making a comeback on Pat Harty, he's now down just 22-18.

dmbmeg continues to dominate (RAWRRRRRRR!!!) J Leman, 46-28.

If you haven't voted, do so now.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 11:58 AM CDT reply actions   0 recs

VOTE OPS

I guarantee you I will never subject you to an OopsPowvalanche. Isn't that enough?

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

And by work

I mean look at the internet all day like me.

by dmbmeg on Mar 13, 2008 12:02 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

In that case,
I'm working my ass off.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

This is just the beginning

We will do our part to destroy our nation's workplace productivity throughout March.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

NEVER

PEOPLE NEED JEANS.

by dmbmeg on Mar 13, 2008 12:07 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Dolphisms, vol. 3149

Hearing him struggle with the word "telltale" is a sublime pleasure.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:05 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

again, the BTN reporter

So wooden she makes Erin Andrews look like Robin Williams.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:06 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

40 seconds into the 2nd half

Michigan has already scored five points and forced an Iowa timeout. Attaboy, Hawks.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:06 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

And a turnover

Don't forget the turnover!!

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:08 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

GORNOGRAPHY

The jump hook is devastating. It can't be stopped.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Holy shit!

Gorney with the floater? Nice.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Thank God we have Alex Thompson

I actually partied with him in December.

Do you remember him having the qualities of a used bag of douche?

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:10 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

A-Thomp

I do remember being stunned at how bad he was at basketball. That probably has to do with the fact that [name redacted] was coaching him.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:12 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Crazy thing is

He's decent on defense at least, and people have wanted him to start at times.

I can't watch the game, so let's just go back to dreaming about Brody.

[sigh]

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:14 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

jesus christ

Seth actually blocked out that time and the fucker went right over his back.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:12 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

For clarification's sake

I am referring to a 3-point bucket by Michigan Wolverine DeShawn Sims, not the third iteration of the popular "The Sims" computer game franchise.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:14 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Banging head slowly against the wall

it is the only thing that makes the pain go away

by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:15 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I wonder where Jess Settles is right now?

Probably doing coke off of some hooker.

or watching the game.

Or both.

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:16 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Apple turnovers for everybody!

Ball tipped off of Gorney, TO #11 for Iowa. Michigan leads 44-29. I want to start drinking right now.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:17 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Dear Iowa

You know how when you're down by 13 with two minutes to go and scrap the offense and start jacking shots up and you actually do better? Do that now while you're not completely out of contention.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:21 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

unfortunately

Freeman and Peterson are like Jon Beutjer and Zack Mills

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:21 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Seth Gorney

HawkeyeSports only lists weight, no height.

Is he an amorphous shape changer?

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:27 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Seth's height is immeasurable

It's kinda like trying to weigh light.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

In two years

we will be laughing with the guys BB team all the way to the final four [of the ladies NIT].

by three and out the kok story on Mar 13, 2008 12:28 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Capital idea, Iowa

Let's go 8 minutes without hitting a field goal.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:29 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Can't really blame them -
I wouldn't want to play Wisconsin on TV again either.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:31 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Dolph is excited

because Iowa is already in the 1&1 bonus with 9 minutes and change to go. Dolph has apparently never watched the Hawkeyes shoot free throws.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:32 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

my god

Tate got fucking hammered there and they missed the call. Good thing they whistled the second one.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:33 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Jesus

There hasn't been a single field goal in the last 7 minutes, for either team.

I'm going to set my brain on fire.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:34 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

HACK-A-VIRUS

This is ridiculous. Tate shoots free throws as well as, like, me.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:35 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Cyrus Tate IS the Iowa offense

And the Iowa offense is apparently all about making half their free throws

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:41 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Hey

I may be coming to IC for the game in fall.

I'll remember to stay away from Jebus.

My goal is to track down the Gornstar and get a picture with him.

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:41 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I was there in 2004 and 2002.

I've been to two games at Kinnick and one at CHA.

I've been trying really hard to fit a Jake Christensen joke into today's conversation, but I'm waiting for that opportunity to arise.

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Well I guess it's time...

... and thus began... the greatest comeback that Conseco Fieldhouse had ever seen.  The pullout bleachers were fully extended, as was effort of the Iowa Hawkeyes...

by Buddy Light on Mar 13, 2008 12:44 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I fucking hate Ed Hightower

This aint Juilliard, mother fucker, just blow the whistle and get out of the goddamn way.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:46 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

WAIT

Ed's not in Kansas City?

hallelujah

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:47 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Nail in the coffin 3 for Michigan

49-37.

Iowa's strategery of coming back from a double-digit deficit without hitting a single field goal seems to be foolish at this point.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:49 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Oh. My. God.

"This is about as homely a second half as I can remember." -Dolph

Iowa, down big late, commits a shot clock violation. Unreal.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:52 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Unreal? Yes.

Somehow still unsurprising?  Also yes.

I can hear the sucking all the way up here in Chicago.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

and I'm done

Down by 12, 3:30 left, and we let the shot clock expire.
That's it.
Goodbye 2007 Hawkeye athletic season. Go.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:53 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

Iowa actually went on a 7-0 run

From 44-29 to 44-36.

Trouble is, it took over 9 minutes, so nobody noticed.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:54 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

That's not a run

that's a naked quadrapalegic pulling himself along a broken glass-strewn alley by his chin.  With a 45 LB plate on his back.  

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 12:56 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

A timeout? Fuck you, Iowa

Don't prolong this. It's 51-41, but it might as well be 500-0.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:55 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I imagine you guys will watch ISU tonight

Cause I doubt you've gotten your fill of shitty basketball yet.

by CrossCyed on Mar 13, 2008 12:57 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I will

I'm watching basketball non-stop for the next month. We'll have open threads here for most, if not all, of the upcoming tournament days.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 12:59 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

No pants, sir?

This seems like the most pantsworthy of any game in recent memory.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 1:00 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

STOP THE PRESSES

Iowa has converted a field goal!

53-43, late late late. Then Jake Kelly fouls the best free thrower Michigan's got. This shit's over.

by Oops Pow Surprise on Mar 13, 2008 12:58 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I'm glad I'm not watching this on TV

Listening to it is bad enough to give my ears AIDS.  Watching it would probably make my brain melt and my butthole to seal itself shut.

Or something.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 1:02 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

Cut dude some slack -

Pretty tough to put on pants when you're paralyzed from the chin down.

by Bucketochicken on Mar 13, 2008 1:08 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

I don't know what to do with myself

Does this mean that everything I believe about Marchifornication is a lie?  Is it not the most magical time of the year?  I just don't know anymore.  I had a dream, and that dream was for Iowa to be the first team from a major conference to be a 16 seed in the NCAA tournament.  And now that dream is dead.  Deader than Don Knotts dead.

by Adam on Mar 13, 2008 1:14 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

It's best this way

We can shed the anchor that was the Hawkeyes and truly enjoy the rest of the season. All pain and disappointment are gone now. Dead.

Marchifornication rolls on.

by jebushchrist on Mar 13, 2008 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions   0 recs

True

But you know what? I really wanted to watch the Hawks slap Jason Bohannon around tomorrow but Noooooooo, we have to miss every shot we took.

Can't wait for Gorney to be the, oh probably, 8th overall pick in the NBA draft.

Goodbye Seth.  We had fun.

by Boobie Miles on Mar 13, 2008 2:10 PM CDT reply actions   0 recs

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