Iowa at Michigan State OPEN THREAD: Please Don't Kill Us

I'm already ill. Hate the Spartans.

Twin Peaks rules!  Woooooooooooooo!!!!!

Lick already had to use a TO.
Izzo is already screaming at the officials.
Neitzel is already a prick.
Oh, and it's 8-1, MSU.

that MSU has a fucking ginger kid at center. I hate Naymick so hard.

I think I may have to bail already. I can't even think right now.

Could they dress in a less attractive "uniform"?

Without an arctic first eight minutes.

12-1 with 15:30 to go. Fuck me.

Final score: Michigan State 212, Iowa 1.

If we could have him back for just 1 day...

We have the softest front line in college basketball history.

I'm done.

Looks like he's about to put the team in a bus, then push it into the ocean. Good heavens.

14-1.

We're so bad we can't get a shot off.
Jesus, we can't even fucking dribble.
Fuck.

We can still see you.

When will Iowa hit their first field goal? I'm guessing with 9 minutes left in the first half... on Wednesday.

This is agonizing to watch.

A very disturbed part of me kinda' hopes Sparty holds Iowa under 10 first half points, just for you know, novelty's sake.  

and no fucking baskets for Iowa. 15-1.

Holy mother of God, we're setting new standards of incompetence.

We know Alex. We know.

Make it stop. Make it stop.

This is going to be worse than that time the Dragons beat the Beavers...

with a bucket
wooo

"Iowa won't run very often... and Freeman won't run here"
-- ESPN announcer guy

Does he know how hard it is to run and dribble at the same time?
Asshole.

WE'VE GOT OURSELVES A REAL BARNBURNER NOW

11!

They're swinging a pickup truck around a giant centrifuge. This strikes me as wildly unnecessary.

An Iowa player just threw the basketball through the hoop.

Iowa goes on a 7-9 tear from the field and is still ridiculously and hopelessly behind.

are, to put it kindly, lazy.

Helping you decide that you, in fact, hate the sport of basketball.

Iowa's suckitude at East Lansing is nothing new.

regardless of my affiliation, I would leave at halftime. This is ridiculous.

what "Weekend at Bernie's II" is to film.  And we don't even have Andrew fucking McCarthy...

I need to start drinking right now. I'm not sure that it would help the Hawkeyes in any way, shape, or form, but hey, my pants would be gone.

"10,000 B.C." looks really, really cool.

Arnold Palmer - won seven majors
Jack Nicklaus - won eighteen majors
Gary Player - won nine majors
Peter Jacobsen - announcer on Golden Tee

I'm taking Jacobsen.

the stat people ever make a big deal about Iowa's bench points. Iowa's backups are Kurt Looby, a 9-year-old, a folding chair, a jar of cashews, and David Palmer.

Good to see MSU's up by 18 now. I just hope Iowa doesn't get doubled up.

Rarrrr!

Can Cyrus Tate show up in the first half once this season?

Gornstar just tackled Peterson while he was "setting a screen"! Awesome.

Why are the Spartaaaaan fans in costumes?

is french for "the high"

wearing pants.

if Michigan State merely dropkicks the ball on every possession, will Iowa get back within 10 points before the final horn?

must be what taking the Brown Acid at Woodstock was like.

Our best offensive play of the game.

Freeman's first FG, 32 minutes into the game.

that Iowa is not losing by 90 at this point. They haven't done anything well.

Bob Uecker should be the announcer for all of our games.  With the reanimated corpse of Rodney Dangerfield doing color commentary.

Master of the two-foot miss.

And I'm leaving. Gents, it's been as pleasant as a root canal. Peace.

With 3 seconds left in a 14 point game MSU had to drive to the basket and get a shot off, as opposed to just letting time run out and shaking hands.
Fucking assholes.