With the hullabaloo around Barry Bonds's positive steroids test in 2001 and Roger Clemens' bewildering testimony in Congress, it's time to tip a cap to the original performance enhancer: beer! Yes, I'm OPS, and I'm drinking my way to brilliance, because fuck it, it's a Thursday night. I'll be guiding you kids through Iowa's home tilt against a weak, sad, sorry Michigan team. It's on ESPN, so you can all watch along instead of taking our word for it (or worse, Dolph's).

Be sure to comment along with us as Iowa endeavors to keep Michigan in the cellar with the corpse that was Northwestern basketball.