IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW: IOWA TO FACE SOUTH CAROLINA IN OUTBACK BOWL
by Patrick Vint on Dec 7, 2008 7:10 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes Football
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I'd Click Her Clack
We finally have confirmation of what we've known for two weeks: Iowa has accepted an invitation to face the South Carolina Gamecocks in the Outback Bowl. Bienvenido a Tampa.
The announcement came at approximately 5:00 CST, almost a full hour later than planned. The incomparable Jon Miller has reported the delay was due to indecision by the Citrus (suck it, Capital One) Bowl, which apparently was seriously considering choosing the Hawks over Michigan State. What Jon doesn't know, however, is that Outback Bowl reps spent much of that hour on the phone with the BHGP staff. In the wake of last year's PR disaster and subsequent MANCOTT, Outback reps wanted to guarantee this year's festivities would be far more successful. We're not allowed to discuss the negotiations, but we can say this: A lifetime supply of Bloomin' Onions is enough to buy our silence.
As it is, OSU has apparently bought earned a BCS spot, likely at the Sugar Bowl. MSU will play Georgia in the Citrus Bowl. LTP has confirmed Northwestern will face Missouri in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Alamo Bowl (if you want to gloat, might I suggest sending an e-card?)
We'll have far more on South Carolina in the weeks to come, but as a quick primer: They dropped their last two games by a combined score of 87-20, they just fired their offensive line and quarterback coaches, they aren't going to replace either coach until after the bowl game, and their sometimes-starting quarterback nearly got OPS fired. If anyone ever deserved a January 1 bowl bid, it's this team.
UPDATE: Wisconsin-Florida State in the Champs Sports Bowl. Minnesota-Kansas in the Insight. No word yet on the Motor City Bowl, which was supposed to be between the MAC champ and the #7 Big Ten team but lost both tie-ins when Buffalo opted for the International Bowl and the BXI ran out of teams. I'm hoping beyond hope for Notre Dame-Ball State.
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We've got a couple of weeks
Let’s change that “nearly” to “definitely”.
Given the material to work with, anything that doesn’t result in the FCC getting involved will be a disappointment.
Funny quote from LTP:
It sounds like something you would read on BHGP, except I think he’s serious:
Congratulations Alamo Bowl for securing possibly the most intriguing non-BCS bowl game match-up loaded with storylines with two top 25 teams.
Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 7, 2008 6:21 PM CST reply actions
He admits they
are likely going to be double digit underdogs, but right now, I don’t care about the name calling from last week. I want them to win. I want every team in the B10 to win. The conference needs it.
Oh. And I want ND to get crushed. They’re terrible and are rewarded with a trip to Hawaii? Fuck that.
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 7, 2008 6:31 PM CST up reply actions
Agreed
The catfight was fun for awhile but got to be exhausting. And yes, ND eats shit.
Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Dec 7, 2008 6:45 PM CST up reply actions
Purple Kool-Aid
Tastes DELICIOUS!!! That being said, I wish NU the best and hope they can pull off the win in San Antonio.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Good thing we eat the SEC for breakfast
Sometimes it gives us heartburn. But mostly we’re cool for lunch.
ND is going to Hawaii
I was with you, the prospects on continuing their losing streak to a MAC team would have been fun.
Kevin @ Black Shoe Diaries
Sweet
Can’t wait for the Cock jokes. Unless you guys are too mature for that.
Go get ’em, Hawkeyes!
JoePa for governor
"Unless you guys are too mature for that."
In the history of BHGP, please find me one example where anyone exhibited this “maturity” you speak of.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I think he linked to it.
Oh. Wait. That was the smelley cock story. Sorry, I was confused.
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 7, 2008 9:15 PM CST up reply actions
I thought they handled the sexual assault allegations and the accusation of horribly botched handling by the university with remarkable maturity.
Might be the only time it’s ever happened, but there is that one at least.
Right.
And jokes about old balls. Because if there’s one thing the Old Ball Coach knows about, it is old balls.
Hawks in Tampa
Great to see the Hawks going to Tampa. The Cats deserved the spot, but the Hawks have a history of showing up and are a lot better for TV, and that’s what matters in the bowl biz.
by Disinterested Par-tay on Dec 7, 2008 8:46 PM CST reply actions
In case anyone didn't care to look
And really – why should anyone care about a bowl game in Detroit? But the Motor City Bowl stuck with the MAC in C.Mich and picked up Sun Belt powerhouse that is Florida Atlantic.
That’s right, the BigXI lost out on it’s final bowl tie-in to FAU. May the (further) mockery Zook and DickRod commence…
Thanks for the e-card, my condolences as well...
Sorry you all had (have?) to live in Iowa. There’s a reason why Iowa fans travel well.
Congrats on the Outback
Now go out there and kick some SEC ass.
Welcome To Tampa:
A strip joint on every corner, a pawn shop on every block, and a fat chic on every Huffy!
Hellooooo, New Year!
Well, by way of technicality, he's right
I was only using “Oops Pow Surprise” since ’07.
But it’s more like Adam J, dry-humping since 1993.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
You know what I miss?
The uncomplicated affection of a young lady of loose morals and wet mouth.
That’s what I miss.
you write like you're fat
Just sayin’
My dad has a condo right off the beach in Tampa (actually St Petersburg)….WHO IS WITH ME????
nothing says classy like
Nice vase of concentrated oj and hawkeye vodka
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:02 AM CST up reply actions
but of course
Also, it must be drank with pinky out, Three Sheets style
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:05 AM CST up reply actions
You can still smoke the heroin too if it makes you feel better.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Still?
What, you stopped.
Mainlining since ninety-nine
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:32 AM CST up reply actions
they must
If not, just fill up with some E85 from the local QuickTrip, its pretty much the same
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:06 AM CST up reply actions
Well
Something has to give drank a run for its money
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2008 10:25 AM CST up reply actions
I know you were concerned...
Yes, it appears to be still available. www.luxco.com/public/brands/brands.asp?brandid=97&brandname=Hawkeye
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:29 AM CST up reply actions
Shit.
I thought your link would lead me to ‘the drank’.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 10:31 AM CST up reply actions
Sorry about the poor placement
Truly terrifying, but according to wiki “Hawkeye Vodka is the #3 best selling liquor in Iowa, with 46,329 cases sold in 2008 as of September 1”
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:35 AM CST up reply actions
'it makes yer pee yellow'
those clone fans are sharp
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 10:44 AM CST up reply actions
The money quote, presented without context:
"I hesitate to even ask this, but… your pee isn’t yellow? Unless it’s practically clear (that’s how you know when your body is properly hydrated, in case you’re interested), I’d suggest going to a doctor. And hey- there’s nothign wrong with a good "golden" stream, right? There’s a good reason human beings’ insides are red! "
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
It's not like they can talk about their own bowl.
But yeah, being a cyclone fan is basically like being a not-Iowa fan. No real reason to cheer your own team, so you cheer against big brother.
Sharp-eyed viewers will notice something
There on the right, partially obscured, is Hawkeye Gin. What kind of sick fucks are they?
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Just drank some yesterday, actually
It’s not Tanqeray, but it still tastes like pine poison, so it’s aiight.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 10:35 AM CST up reply actions
It's a good thing...
that Buddy Light did not discover Hawkeye Gin during my tenure. G+T= Death of BL
Remember that time when
we drank Hawkeye vodka and Mountain Dew in Rick’s place then I allegedly blacked out and allegedly left my ATM card in the machine and allegedly punched holes in the ceiling tiles and allegedly puked on my alleged floor?
Were you around for that or was it just me, Dane, and JD?
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
That might have been the
Osco Brand Vodka night… But yes… I was around that night. (or should I say those nights)
Yes, you're right.
I forgot Osco even made a vodka. I’m not sure how those responsible for that unholy liquor weren’t jailed for life.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Worse ways to go
Ah G&T. Best times I don’t remember.
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2008 11:22 AM CST up reply actions
As a very poor college student
I am unique qualified to tell you that yes, yes they do still make Hawkeye Vodka. It is exactly as wonderful as you remember it.
I don't think so
Most of my friends from the Cities had never heard of it until they got down here. I can ship you a year’s supply though. I’ll need, like, 15 bucks.
God DAMN it, guys
How many times do I have to explain this? BHGP is not to be used for transporting deadly weapons across state lines! It’s a fucking felony!
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Be happy Gonzales is gone
if he wasn’t, you would both be on a one way, expenses paid, trip to Cuba for transportation of a chemical weapon
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 10:55 AM CST up reply actions
hmmm
I will open up a bar and only serve Hawkeye vodka, gin, and rum, and I will have a portrait of OPS above the bar.
Only on one condition
You have to name the place “Honky’s.”
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Hostile corporate takeover
It’s what honkies do best.
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
and everytime Blondie comes on the juke box
YOU’RE GETTING ON THE BAR AND SPRAYING THE CROWD WITH WATER.
I’d like to officially put my shares in White Honky’s up for sale.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:14 AM CST up reply actions
White Honky's?
Redundancy as well as craptacularness
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2008 11:24 AM CST up reply actions
Water?
What happened to the champagne? Every day is Dre Day at White Honky’s!
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
I prefer "White Honky's"
The redundancy just sings to me. Also, it will be in Minneapolis and everyone there is stark white, so it’ll be good for business.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:08 AM CST up reply actions
Oh, and instead of baby changing stations
We’ll have sex swings in the handicapped stalls.
And stadium seating.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:09 AM CST up reply actions
Don't change the subject
and it’s called Legends. I was there yesterday and there were fuckin babies everywhere. They have 3 kinds of formula on the menu.
House is Similac.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:13 AM CST up reply actions
Look, asshole, just because I have a baby
Doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to have a little fun. Little asshole, trying to ruin everything. I swear to god if he shits himself one more time while I’m trying to close the deal with the hot waitress, I’m dropping him on the doorstep of a Nebraska hospital.
I don't think you appreciate how hard that is
Believe me, I’ve tried. Why can’t people just have sex on the baby changing table? Way easier.
Your baby has no rights
Can’t you just leave it at home? It’s not like the squishy little mofo even watches the game. Babies see in 2D anyway, like dogs.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:20 AM CST up reply actions
A give that little shit free access to the liquor cabinet and PPV?
Not likely, bud. Plus I think there’s, like, laws against abandoning them a stuff. anyway, it’s cool, one shot of Jack usually puts him out of the night. Fucking lightweight, there’s no way he’s actually mine.
There are at least 12 typos in that
I’m actually kinda proud
I'll drink it
but only if it’s on tap
by chitownhawkeye on Dec 8, 2008 11:25 AM CST up reply actions
Tall boys
with grippers on the sides for their fat little boneless fingers.
by jebushchrist on Dec 8, 2008 11:32 AM CST up reply actions
Whatcha expect
if you were at the Legends I know of in west-suburan DSM. I believe the residency requirement for that area is 3 kids under the age 4.
by three and out the kok story on Dec 8, 2008 11:25 AM CST up reply actions
How the hell
did this become a BHGP reunion special? What, are we getting the original cast back together to try and boost ratings?
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Please welcome...Don Knotts!
What kind of a reunion special would it be without Barney Fife, back from Capitol City?
Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."
by Patrick Vint on Dec 8, 2008 10:23 AM CST up reply actions
well, it's not just a special.
I’m about to become a full-time student again, so I’ll plenty of time to stalk all of you.
Outback Bowl Tix
What is the current ticket situation for the Outback Bowl? All the good seats on the Iowa side are listed on Stub Hub $250+++. Any good seats still available for a more reasonable price?
by Disinterested Par-tay on Dec 8, 2008 10:56 AM CST reply actions
Didn't that pic
get posted about four weeks ago? I swear I’ve seen this picture before (and not just because I was hiding in the bushes during the Leman nuptials stalkingobserving the joyous groom)
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
It was a commercial break during the Illinois game
Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."
He told me he was involved when he got that restraining order
but not even the law can stop my love of Leman
Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."
long time reader, first time commenter
just wanted to say hi there and go hawks . . . and go cocks.
before you beat me up let me explain. i was born in cedar rapids and am a huge hawks fan. i have a ridiculous number of cousins and uncles/aunts still living there. and my grandparents. but i live in the dirty and went to usc (not the university of spoiled children in southern cali). i’ll be at the game cheering for both sides. my two favorite teams! all year i pull for the hawks and i read this blog – love it, funny as shit. will be hard to read your sarcasm applied to one of my favorite teams but i’ll power through.
it will be great to see greene and stanzi against some of the gamecocks. mckinley, brinkley, cook – both e and j, should be quite a defensive battle. fortunately smelley should not see playing time (please god please) as he would just love to throw the ball to the hawks.
i haven’t searched yet – when was the last time the hawks played the cocks? ever?
thanks and i guess let the lambasting begin . . .
go hawks! go cocks!
wow. i think this will be a hell of a game. gamecocks are comfortable in the outback bowl; beat ohio state there two years in a row [semi] recently. can’t wait. both teams have great fans so tailgating before [and after] should be a fucking blast.
Hawks have been to the OBB more and more recently than the Cocks.
by Disinterested Par-tay on Dec 8, 2008 6:13 PM CST up reply actions
You need to pick a side and STICK with it!
Sincerely,
Jesus McSatan
If it's not too much trouble, search your soul--and then ask yourself if maybe I might have a point.
He's post partisan.
How fancy. In my book cockhawk, you’re a cock. Now, go down to Tampa and act like one!
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."
- George Rogers, one-time South Carolina RB
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