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Around SBN: The Worst Team Ever Projected?

WOOLIVEGAMETHREAD: GREETINGS FROM CUBICLEVILLE

Iowa Hawkeyes at Ohio St. Buckeyes, Dec 31, 2008 3:00 PM CST


Cubicle_medium

Leave it to the Big Ten to schedule conference openers - including today's Iowa-Ohio State tilt (3:00, BTN) - for a Wednesday afternoon.  I'm still at the office, and will be for at least the first half.  Anyone escape to provide some updates?

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Hey look! It's an Iowa game!

Since it’s on the BTN, I will be able to watch it… that is if I can tear myself away from the Dog marathon on A&E…

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 2:47 PM CST reply actions  

Ed Hightower on the whistle.
Sweet.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:07 PM CST reply actions  

2 possessions, 2 turnovers
whoops!

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:08 PM CST reply actions  

3 possessions, 3 turnovers

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:08 PM CST reply actions  

… and Cyrus the Virus has 2 fouls in 2 minutes.
Least he won’t be tired in the 2nd half!

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:09 PM CST reply actions  

According to Tim McCormick, Diebler wasn’t actually a ‘gym rat’ as a child, he literally lived in a gym. Sad.

Also sad? Iowa down 8-0.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:11 PM CST reply actions  

… and then Cole misses a fadeaway hook shot from 2 feet, misses, and jumps on a Buckeye’s back.

First TV timeout.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:13 PM CST reply actions  

Im sure I'd have some

insightful comments to make, but I literally don’t know who half these guys are.

by icculus on Dec 31, 2008 3:13 PM CST reply actions  

Just say things like “NICE CALL, HIGHTOWER! YOU ASSHOLE!” and “JESUS, THAT tOSU GUARD IS A MONSTER!” and “STOP DRIBBLING, IOWA!”
Those always apply.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:15 PM CST up reply actions  

Kelly with 2 3’s makes it 6-11.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:16 PM CST reply actions  

You've embarrassed us both

Because you listened to the announcer, who was incorrect. I backed it up on DVR and it was Kelly.

-2 to you

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:18 PM CST up reply actions  

I'll defer to you but

Listened to the announcer? Not me, I’ve got some sweet tunes playing.

by icculus on Dec 31, 2008 3:20 PM CST up reply actions  

OMFG

Iowa’s offense is a mess. Wow.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:17 PM CST reply actions  

These Drunk Driving commercials are gross. Are they saying if you drive drunk you will fill your car to the windows with piss? I don’t get it.

Don’t drive drunk!

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:22 PM CST reply actions  

Bucks miss 2 FTs

and Iowa hits another 3 – making it 12-17

As shitty as Iowa has played, we’re in this game.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:27 PM CST reply actions  

This is fucking unwatchable

Lickliter didn’t do Tate any favors by putting him back in the game with 2 fouls.

by TarHeelHawk on Dec 31, 2008 3:28 PM CST reply actions  

Unwatchable?

Dribble drive, kick out for 3? Textbook.

by icculus on Dec 31, 2008 3:29 PM CST up reply actions  

Lickliter is livid

Yes, but honestly, where does he begin?

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:30 PM CST reply actions  

… and turns it over
… and gets called for a foul on a fucking sweet, clean, block

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:34 PM CST reply actions  

The Bucks miss 2 FTs (again)

… and get the rebound, score, and get a 3pt play.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:37 PM CST reply actions  

We suck so hard

I just bit my tongue in anger while typing

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:38 PM CST reply actions  

Jake Kelly is shooting like a man with broken fingers on both hands

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:40 PM CST reply actions  

WE'RE COMIN BACK

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:42 PM CST reply actions  

THIS GATENS IS SWINGING!!

sorry

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:42 PM CST reply actions  

Cut it to 4 with an 11-0 run.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:44 PM CST reply actions  

Iowa has zero business being in this game

This bodes well.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:44 PM CST reply actions  

Cole goes up strong for a 2

Gatens with the board and Iowa can cut it to 2.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:45 PM CST reply actions  

more like the Vadgers

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:45 PM CST reply actions  

I...

no. You did not.
Continue.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:47 PM CST up reply actions  

Well, you know Neuticles, right?

I figure I have enough room in the beanbag for like 5 of em.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:48 PM CST up reply actions  

WARNING

DO NOT GOOGLE NEUTICLES AS THEY ARE NOT SAFE FOR LIFE!

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:50 PM CST up reply actions  

here

Here’s their official site, which is safe for weenies like Jebus (SFWLJ).

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:52 PM CST up reply actions  

It's worth mentioning

I’m not wearing pants.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:46 PM CST reply actions  

Updates

Thank for the updates. I’m at work too and don’t have TV/Radio.

Being at work sucks almost as bad as trying to keep track of the game on ESPN Gamecast.

by Internet Legend on Dec 31, 2008 3:46 PM CST reply actions  

"He brought in Todd Branch, the wrestling coach, to talk to the players"

BTN announcers somehow, inexplicably, keeps getting worse

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 3:47 PM CST reply actions  

And now following an OSU charge...

Iowa turns it over, apparently on general principle.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:49 PM CST reply actions  

OSU drills a 3 at the buzzer.

36-28. Damn it all.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:49 PM CST reply actions  

He almost lost his train of thought there.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:59 PM CST up reply actions  

Not this kind, hopefully...

Cosby Sweater
 The sexual act of eating Fruit Loops, Fruity Pebbles, Trix, and Boo Berry- or any other ‘bright, colorful’ breakfast cereals- and then vomitting the tacky, dazzling mixture onto your partners chest. The result should look similar to the incredible sweaters that Bill Cosby wore during his highly successful 1980’s sitcom “The Cosby Show”.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cosby+sweater
 

by TarHeelHawk on Dec 31, 2008 4:00 PM CST up reply actions  

Braylon Edwards is the 5-hour designated driver.

… this just in, a confused Bengals front office trades 3 first round picks to Cleveland for Braylon Edwards, citing his ability to drive without intoxication.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 3:58 PM CST reply actions  

Why does Hooper Corporation get to use video of Vince Lombardi?

1) it made no sense; 2) that can’t be legal.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 3:58 PM CST reply actions  

Burt, Jan-Michael Vincent, Brian Keith, Adam West, and Bradshaw. Pure awesomeness.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:02 PM CST up reply actions  

First Half Recap:

Neuticles
Cosby Sweaters
Granville Waiters
Joe Tiller
and no pants, at all

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:05 PM CST reply actions  

PIP!

Points! In! Paint!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:06 PM CST reply actions  

Two quick buckets for Iowa

Now 36-32. Again, no business being in this.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:07 PM CST reply actions  

Gatens for 3!

Iowa’s back within 3, and I am giggling uncontrollably like I am robbing a bank and nobody is stopping me.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:09 PM CST reply actions  

TIE GAME!

Gatens for another 3! Thad Matta is now brandishing a firearm and raving like a drunk.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:10 PM CST reply actions  

Incredible

Jermain Davis’s obvious flop doesn’t get called. I thought that was an automatic charge call in the BXI.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:14 PM CST reply actions  

Now they call BLOCKING on a flop?!

Am I taking crazy pills??

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:18 PM CST up reply actions  

Just like that, OSU back up by 7

Deedler or whatever with a 3.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:18 PM CST reply actions  

Gatens is STRRRROOONG!

18 points (not to be confused with Tucker’s 18 pints).

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:19 PM CST reply actions  

What does he drink?

Basa Ale? Harp?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:20 PM CST up reply actions  

Bass. I mean Bass.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:20 PM CST up reply actions  

Iowa is undeterred

Cole, Gatens with 2s, then an obvious offensive foul called on OSU. Back within a field goal.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:20 PM CST reply actions  

Tied again!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:20 PM CST reply actions  

IOWA FOR THE LEAD!

Bawinkel was wide, wide open. Yes, of course, a 3.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:22 PM CST reply actions  

On a 10-1 run, with the ball, 48-46 Iowa

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:22 PM CST reply actions  

Beebler hits a 3 to cut the Iowa lead to 1

When it was 30-15 OSU, I was pretty sure the above headline wasn’t going to happen.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:24 PM CST reply actions  

Things Iowa has in addition to the lead

No FT
No blocks
No 2nd chance points
No fast break points

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:28 PM CST reply actions  

WE'RE GONNA GET FREE THROWS!

Sure, it only took like 30 minutes of game time.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:29 PM CST reply actions  

I'd like to blame

HIGHTOWER, but can I really?

by icculus on Dec 31, 2008 4:30 PM CST up reply actions  

no.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:30 PM CST up reply actions  

No

I haven’t even seen him.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:30 PM CST up reply actions  

Jay Fiedler hits a 3, ties it

Gatens forces a 3, misses.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:30 PM CST reply actions  

BAWINKEL!

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:31 PM CST reply actions  

That's the 3rd time we've been watching a "highlight" and missed in game action.

Well played, BTN.

And Bullwinkle with another 3. Iowa up by 1 with 8 to go.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:32 PM CST reply actions  

I! AM! BAWINKEL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHOaDT9ta9w&feature=related

Iowa leads 55-54.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:32 PM CST reply actions  

And jesus, Deebler answers

57-55 OSU.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:32 PM CST reply actions  

Gatens is God.

He’s guarding someone 7’1.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:32 PM CST reply actions  

COLE POUNDED FROM BEHIND!

Wayne Larrivee might want to just make a tape of what he says in a normal day and listen for mistakes

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:33 PM CST reply actions  

That is Peterson's SECOND FOUL!

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:35 PM CST up reply actions  

Lauderdale bombs the USS Cole with a foul!

It’s not too soon anymore, right?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:35 PM CST reply actions  

HS said it was!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:35 PM CST up reply actions  

I said nothing of the sort!

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:37 PM CST up reply actions  

OK, maybe I did

but you said Nirvana is overrated, so THERE

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:39 PM CST up reply actions  

Cole bangs that one!

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:36 PM CST reply actions  

disclaimer

I’m a Packers fan, and Larrivee is the Packers radio guy

by TarHeelHawk on Dec 31, 2008 4:36 PM CST reply actions  

BANNED

I knew I didn’t like you for some reason

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:37 PM CST up reply actions  

TV magic

The announcer, who MIGHT NOT BE WAYNE LARRIVEE, said “moving screen” and the camera automatically cut to Dallas Lauderdale even though he’s sitting on the bench.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:37 PM CST reply actions  

Three-ball #14 can't come soon enough

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:38 PM CST reply actions  

That was a pretty awful call on OSU.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:40 PM CST reply actions  

Peterson makes em both, 59-58 OSU

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:40 PM CST reply actions  

Watch out for Buford

Hits a baseline jumper, OSU’s back up by 3.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:41 PM CST reply actions  

Sweet ball movement, and Gatens with the dunk!

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:42 PM CST reply actions  

Beautiful cut down the lane by Gatens

Iowa back up by 1

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:42 PM CST reply actions  

and Kelly is being mugged by fucking Mullens non-stop underneath.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:43 PM CST reply actions  

Beebler gets another 3

That’s only his 7th of the da—HOLY SHIT THREE FOR IOWA WE LEAD AGAIN HOLY SHIT THIS IS UNLIKE ALL IOWA BASKETBALL EVER WHAT IS HAPPENING

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:43 PM CST reply actions  

Deebler makes another, Kelly answers immediately

This game is incredible. Iowa up 1, just under 4:00 to play

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:43 PM CST reply actions  

I was pretty entertained by the ISU ass-kicking...

but this has certainly been a lot more dramatic…

by RossWB on Dec 31, 2008 4:45 PM CST up reply actions  

Thread-drift...

but the Oregon St-Pitt game was the antithesis of entertaining.

3-0!

Stupid, stupid Wannstache.

by RossWB on Dec 31, 2008 4:46 PM CST up reply actions  

Wasn't that annoying

chick on FULL HOUSE named Deebler or something?

by RossWB on Dec 31, 2008 4:44 PM CST reply actions  

Gibbler?

I think?

'They are who we thought they were!'

by twsmith23 on Dec 31, 2008 4:45 PM CST up reply actions  

this chick?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:47 PM CST up reply actions  

Coul-ier?

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:47 PM CST up reply actions  

Foul on Gatens, last media timeout

65-64 Iowa, 3:14 to play, and I think OSU’s going to the line.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:45 PM CST reply actions  

I'm a little late to the party...

But thanks for the update. Wish i could watch or listen, but this isn’t a bad alternative…

'They are who we thought they were!'

by twsmith23 on Dec 31, 2008 4:45 PM CST reply actions  

Is it just me, or do the commercials make 5-hour energy sound more than a little like liquid methamphetamine?

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:45 PM CST reply actions  

Not just you

Especially with southern stockcar racers makin the pitch.

by icculus on Dec 31, 2008 4:47 PM CST up reply actions  

You just mentioned NASCAR without saying redneck! That’s a first.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:48 PM CST up reply actions  

Have you EVER

seen a more mediocre team hang in a game so long? Haha. GO HAWKS GO

ABRACABOOYA!!!

by ABRA CABOOYA on Dec 31, 2008 4:48 PM CST reply actions  

3 in the key violation wipes out a wide open 3.

OSU still up 1, under three minutes to play.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:49 PM CST reply actions  

a 3 second violation? Really?

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:49 PM CST reply actions  

Awful offensive foul call on Iowa

Jake Kelly couldn’t do that to someone without a baseball bat or the bumper of an F-150. At 35 mph.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:51 PM CST reply actions  

Oh shit I thought that flop sealed the deal.

Then Kelly goes and misses a ’throw.

ABRACABOOYA!!!

by ABRA CABOOYA on Dec 31, 2008 4:52 PM CST reply actions  

If that call was a member of the Roots

It would be ?uestionable.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:52 PM CST reply actions  

Why do I have the feeling

that this will somehow come down to Andrew Brommer on the line with no time left again?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:53 PM CST reply actions  

I thought he was summarily executed after that BC loss

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:54 PM CST up reply actions  

Bad clock management there

waiting until there was less than 35 seconds to go was not a good idea.

by TarHeelHawk on Dec 31, 2008 4:55 PM CST reply actions  

It was an open shot.

But alas.

Now OSU’s at the line to protect their 2-point lead with about 25 ticks left.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:55 PM CST reply actions  

You rang?

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:56 PM CST up reply actions  

Dude, no foul? Really?

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:56 PM CST reply actions  

Deabler at the line

3-6 today, much better usually.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:56 PM CST reply actions  

Make that 3-7

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 4:57 PM CST up reply actions  

Misses the first...

Iowa’s still alive.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:56 PM CST reply actions  

Still alive

The Diebler Elf giving us a present

ABRACABOOYA!!!

by ABRA CABOOYA on Dec 31, 2008 4:57 PM CST reply actions  

Makes the second

Iowa down 3 with the ball and 20 to go.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:57 PM CST reply actions  

If we don’t shoot a 3 I will kick the neighbor lady in the esophagus.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 4:58 PM CST reply actions  

FUCK THAT

Out of bounds!

ABRACABOOYA!!!

by ABRA CABOOYA on Dec 31, 2008 4:59 PM CST reply actions  

Gatens misses, ball stays out of control until game over.

fuck.

I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks

by Adam Jacobi on Dec 31, 2008 4:59 PM CST reply actions  

God damn it

Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."

by Patrick Vint on Dec 31, 2008 5:00 PM CST reply actions  

I'm out, gents.

and for those of you going out tonight? Call a cab. We can’t lose any of you before the game tomorrow.

Peace.

by jebushchrist on Dec 31, 2008 5:03 PM CST reply actions  

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