Hawkeye Fans Close Out Metrodome With A Bang
by Adam Jacobi on Nov 25, 2008 4:27 PM CST
in Iowa Hawkeyes News
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Print"Once got busy in a Burger King bathroom" - Humpty Hump
"Once got busy in a Metrodome bathroom" - Humpty Dump
The best story from last weekend's epic 55-0 drubbing up at the Dome is... well, it's probably the game itself. And the records. And this FanPost.
But past all that, it's what happened behind the scenes, as we have a late leader for King and Queen Awesome, 2008. That would be the unnamed 38-year-old woman and 26-year-old man who were nailed for, uh, nailing. They were caught having sex in the men's room at the Metrodome during the game last weekend:
Considering the state of the Minnesota Gophers' crippling loss against the Iowa Hawkeyes last weekend, one could reasonably assume some would have rather watched anything but the action on the field.
That's precisely what police said approximately 15 people did when they observed the action going on inside a men's bathroom at the Metrodome last Saturday.
According to a report filed by University of Minnesota Police, the crowd had gathered to cheer on a couple "having relations" in one of the stalls.
Since the two weren't arrested, we're denied the richer-than-chocolate privilege of seeing mugshots. I, for one, hope the lady's either really hot or just beastly. No half-stepping here.
But that's not even the best part of the story. The two Iowa fans (as if there was any doubt at all) were both in a committed relationship. Just, uh, not with each other. The police released the man to his girlfriend, and the woman to her husband. Yeah. She came up from Iowa to the game with her spouse, and couldn't make it the whole game without sneaking into the men's room and getting filled up by some dude a dozen years younger while a bunch of people cheer them on.
I'm not sure what's going to be more awkward--the drives home on Saturday, or the Thanksgiving dinners.
Husband: "Say, whore, could you pass the cranberries?"
Wife: "Oh come on, Michael, treat me with some respect, we are in front of family!"
H: "Fine, fine."
W: "Good."
H: "So are you going to pass the cranberries, or go fuck them in the bathroom instead?"
Cheers to you, Cougar, and to you too, MILF Hunter! Your interpretive dance of the domination the Hawkeyes were putting on the Gophers won over the crowd and BHGP as well. Happy Thanksgiving, and may your inevitable breakups be soon, swift, and unlike the venue in which you fornicated, clean.
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HAHAHAHAHA
Can you imagine what their initial conversation was like?
Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon....
by Hayden Fry's Moustache Ride on Nov 25, 2008 4:40 PM CST reply actions
What's up with Iowans
and age-gap nooky? I’m 34 and my gf is 46. My sister’s 32 and her husband’s 24. I think Rosanne was eight years older than Tom Arnold. Then you’ve got Ashton and Demi too. ’Tis very strange.
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
12???
Wow. I can’t wait until my wife turns 12.
by Bucketochicken on Nov 25, 2008 7:05 PM CST up reply actions
12
is legal according to the laws of every cult / polygamist religion I’ve heard stories about on CNN.
The most amazing fact
Is that the significant others actually bailed them out. Maybe they were into it. Standing in the crowd…
by Shooter McGavin on Nov 25, 2008 9:15 PM CST reply actions
Do we know for a fact they didn't know each other beforehand?
Do we know for a fact that the husband and the girlfriend weren’t on board with the whole thing? I mean, seriously, even with a Saturday night game, do you really think they just met in line at the concession stand, hit it off, and said “hey, let’s go get our freak on in the restroom?” The whole story is odd. Hilarious, but odd.
Keep in mind
Alcohol was being sold at the Metrodome (see 
picture essay). And as we all know, a cougar is only 1-2 beers away from any sexual fantasy she could get her paws on (pun INTENDED!).
In fact
See the lady in the lower left? She appears to be the girlfriend of the guy involved and does not look happy. And the woman with the beer in her hand is probably the cougar.
Does that mean the other woman is her spouse?
Perverted minds want to know.
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
by bluearmadillo on Nov 26, 2008 7:27 AM CST up reply actions
I actually might know the girl with the beer.
But I can’t be sure with words over her face. Hayden, Original?
Never underestimate
the power of alcohol upon strangers. That and the allure of sweet Iowa cougar poontang.
"Sweet lady fate, why dost thou piss on me so?"
by bluearmadillo on Nov 26, 2008 7:32 AM CST up reply actions
Oh, alcohol can be powerful in that regard.
I remember many a night at the Fieldhouse and other fine establishments where I’d end up making out on the dance floor with someone I’d known for all of five or ten minutes. Still, it’s a pretty big jump from making out to frenzied sex in a men’s room stall in front of cheering strangers.
Or maybe I’m just a wimp that way. That’s probably it.
Oh, I forgot.
“Frenzied sex in a men’s room stall in front of cheering strangers while my wife or signifcant other is waiting for me to return to my seat.” That’s an impressive trifecta. These people are my new idols.
The Bullshit Card has been thrown.
I love the spectacularness of the concept. The fact that this could even be contrived, is a strong show of support to Hawkeye-cougars everywhere. Further, it fully supports my contention that beers should be served at all college sporting events. Imagine the possibilities at Homecoming or Parents Weekend.
However, there is something inherently suspect about this story. There has to be someone out there to corroborate these accounts or, god willing, some brillant sole who taped or took pictures of the incident with his phone. If there are pictures out there and must be found.
by three and out the kok story on Nov 26, 2008 9:48 AM CST reply actions
There are now names in Minneapolis Star Tribune.
And one is from my hometown. It rhymes with “Harroll.” And I did a little searching on an alumni website. And I found her. We were only a class or two apart. And she has aged fairly well. I’m going to leave it there.
Here is the link.
Ms. Feldman was a classmate. Didn’t know her too well. I’m guessing quite a few people did know her pretty well though.
That's scary
I just plugged their names into google. Returns phone number and address for the coug. I feel sorry for these people as their privacy is ruined. Makes me want to get out of facebook and every other site that has your information.
You are not kidding.
She may well have to move, change her phone #, and maybe even her name (of course with the inevitable pending divorce she can retake her maiden name). This thing is all over the blogosphere. She can’t be happy they released the names.
The guy of course, right or wrong, is a hero, at least to everyone but his girlfriend. Double standard there you are.
by DonnyDonovan on Nov 26, 2008 11:57 AM CST up reply actions
No bad
From the pics I’ve seen, she’s pretty good looking for almost 40. There are also MySpace pics of the guy out there too… if you are curious.
by storminspank on Nov 26, 2008 2:00 PM CST up reply actions
As of 2:00 CST
“Lois Feldman” is #11 on Google’s hot trends list…
http://www.google.com/trends/hottrends
Oops Pow Surprise: "I'm stuck writing at the Titty Barn."
by Patrick Vint on Nov 26, 2008 2:13 PM CST up reply actions
That was close
I looked at that list of Google Trends. #1 was some other chick. So I was about to post her name up here. Then I realized that I like this blog because it is not lame and creepy like bustedcoverage.com and SI.com’s extra mustard.
So back to football…
BHGP'S BABE OF THE DAY
CHECK OUT THIS SLUT GETTING WILD FOR SPORTS
I got more rhymes than Wade Lookingbill's got dunks
Dispite Iowa ruining our season
I have a very fond regard for Iowa fans. This story immediately moves you to the front of non-PSU big ten list.
And how do we know they did not meet on BHGP?
by Screen Name 20 on Nov 26, 2008 10:49 AM CST reply actions
Both were intoxicated ...
said University Deputy Police Chief. I love this story. Please hurry with pictures, including the glory that had to have been a mens room at the Metrodome.
Larry Craig called
And suggested they go with the “wide stance” defense.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Reading the articles....
You have to feel bad, but like we learn as young hawks, there are consequences for your actions. Unfortunately the people hurt the most are those involved with these two.
I would say I'm usually a pretty moral guy,
I do the right thing and such. But something about this result I got when plugging Ross Walsh into Google just makes it necessary to be shared.
I hate myself for doing that.
I do have more rhymes than Jamaica got mangos.
Wellp, I guess I failed at using the hyperlink feature here.
Some would take that as a sign that this link shouldn’t be shared. I’m not that guy.
http://www.kcci.com/news/2081627/detail.html
And if this doesn’t work, I’m going to feel like a complete douche.
I do have more rhymes than Jamaica got mangos.
by LuebkeSwims! on Nov 29, 2008 8:10 PM CST up reply actions
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